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Teagan runs his hands through his thick blond waves and growls. “You’re right, okay? Maybe I should’ve trusted you, but what the hell was I supposed to think?” He waves an arm in the air. “A couple months ago when you left, he was a player and you completely loathed him, and then you come back and everything’s changed. It’s a lot to wrap my head around. It would’ve been nice if you just told me from the start.”
I inhale. He has a point. We should’ve been upfront from the beginning, but I have no doubt Teagan would’ve interfered in the same way he’s doing now. “Maybe we should have, but you wouldn’t have felt any different then as you do now. You still would’ve been angry and told him to stay the hell away from me.”
His mouth pinches. “Maybe. But you said so yourself, he doesn’t know how to love. What makes you think that can change?”
I exhale, thinking about how good we were together, thinking about how he took care of me when I was sick. How he held me in the dark after my nightmare and listened to my story. How he made me feel protected and cherished and strong.
“I don’t know if there’s a way to describe love that’ll make sense to someone who’s never felt it. It’s this feeling of being full, like you’re bursting with warmth and light. You’re weightless and everything is brighter than it once was. Suddenly, the world’s problems seem small . . .”
I expect Teagan to scoff or make a joke, but he doesn’t. Instead, he stares intently at the side of my face, brows drawn while I talk.
“I told him.” I swallow, and when I turn to him, tears glisten in my eyes. “I told him what happened.”
Teagan sucks in a breath. “You told him about Sadie Hawkins?”
I nod, knowing this admission is more powerful than anything I could have said.
“Shit.” Teagan exhales a shaky breath and runs a hand over the back of his neck. “And he was good about it?” Another nod. Because that moment was too intimate, too special to share in detail. “If you care about him so much, then why break up with him?”
All I can do is shrug, because I can’t tell him about Knox. Not yet. I’m not ready, though after yesterday, I have more confidence Teagan will believe me if I do.
“When it comes down to it, Jace cared for me; I have no doubt about that. But at the end of the day, he’ll always put you guys first. He’s too afraid to lose his friends.”
Lie. You’re a coward who can’t bear to tell him the truth because you’re scared he won’t believe you.
“That’s it? I’d get it if you were pissed at him for the way he acted at that party, but are you really gonna hold it against him for not telling me? Sounds like you both agreed to keep this a secret, so there has to be more to it. Either that, or you’re just scared.”
I swallow, because Teagan’s words hit home. “Maybe I am scared.”
“Did you ever think to give him a choice?”
“What do you mean?” I ask, numb.
“Did you ask him to choose? Because if you didn’t, how do you know he wouldn’t have chosen you?”
JACE
I sit outside on a lounge chair by the pool, staring at the bright blue water. I contemplate jumping in, but don’t have the energy. Or maybe it’s this stabbing headache. The sunglasses shielding my eyes from the morning sun do little to keep the pain in my head at bay, although half a bottle of vodka in one evening will do that to a person.
After I left the Nichols’ house yesterday, I drove around town, half out of my mind. It took everything inside of me not to turn the vehicle around and head back to her. But then I remembered the look on Nikki’s face when she told me to go home and the anger percolating in Teagan’s eyes, and I knew returning wasn’t an option.
Eventually, I made my way back here where I found Harriet waiting for me. She instantly knew something was wrong, but didn’t push. Instead, she did what she always does and fed me until I couldn’t move. Afterward, she asked me about school and my summer while I lied through my teeth, pretending everything was fine and my world hadn’t come crashing down around my ankles earlier that morning. By the time she left, I was so exhausted from acting like I wasn’t dying inside, I hit the liquor bar and didn’t quit until I passed out on the couch sometime later.
Now, I’m nursing a brutal hangover, but I can’t even find it in me to care because I’m so fucking depressed, I want to drown myself in another bottle.
My thoughts churn over the turn of events these past few days, wondering where the hell I went wrong. I should have avoided Millie and Penny, told them to get lost when they flirted with me. I should’ve told the guys I found someone special, even if I couldn’t say who. I should’ve done more to show Brynn I cared and that I’d put her first.
I should’ve come clean from the start.
In hindsight, lying to Teagan was the dumbest thing I could’ve done.
I should’ve been upfront with him instead of waiting until fall. I can sit here and pretend I didn’t want to ruin his football season, but it was selfish. I’d been so blinded by fear he wouldn’t be able to accept me in Brynn’s life that I let it cloud my judgment. At the end of the day, I should’ve let the chips fall, andhe could either deal with the fact that I’m in love with his sister or not. Either way, I’d still win because I’d have Brynn.
Instead, I’m left with nothing.
Teagan might never forgive me, the Nichols no doubt hate me, and Brynn dumped my ass for being such a coward. She thinks I chose my friends over her, but what she doesn’t know is, if I had any inkling she’d see it that way and end things between us, I would’ve chosen her from the start. Although, maybe even then, it wouldn’t have been enough for her. MaybeI’mnot enough.
I glance around the empty backyard, to the quiet pool. I’m certainly not enough for my parents to stick around. Never have been.
