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It broke my heart to hear it, but I wasn’t surprised. I’d heard the horrible truth in his voice on the tape. I’d suspected it in how far he’d walked with Kyle before attacking him and running like hell. I sensed it in how fast he’d run, because he wasn’t running from Kyle, but from himself.
“Baby, why did you take the recorder?”
“For proof.”
“Of what?”
Minty swallowed hard. “That he needs help. That he’s dangerous.”
“Why did you run?”
“Because I want to live.” He looked at me with wet eyes. “Because, scary as it is, I want to live out whatever time I have left with you. Even if I’m full of this dark shit that I just can’t get out of my soul.” He clawed at his chest. “I want it out. But it’ll be here until I die.”
“Baby…”
“So, I recorded it. If he can get help, then…”
“Then what?”
“Then I can be safe.”
“Because he won’t want to hurt you anymore?”
“Yeah. And then I can’t use him to hurt myself.”
“Minty, there are other men who’d take his place. Maybe not to this demented, sick extreme, but there are men you can use to hurt yourself.” I didn’t know why I was planting this thought in his head. I only knew that when it came to Kyle, Minty’s mind was a muddle, and I needed to clear it.
“I feel guilty,” Minty admitted quietly. “I made him this way. I taught him to like hurting people, I taught him how good it can be when he does.”
“Baby, that’s not something you learn. You either get off on hurting people or you don’t.”
“Youdo.”
“I do,” I agreed. “But no matter how much you tried to ‘teach me’ or goad me into it, there’s a line I won’t cross—that most peoplecan’tcross—and he stepped over it immediately. If it hadn’t been you, it would’ve been another guy. Maybe even a girl. I don’t know.”
Minty chewed on his lip. “He’s going to hurt someone. And it’s my fault.”
I dragged him into a hug, and he let me hold him. I smelled hishair, kissed the shell of his ear, and then pulled back. “He’s dangerous to you and to others, but he’s had this inside him the whole time, since before you met him.”
Minty shook his head. “It’s like with my dad. He hurt someone else too, because of me.”
“No, no, that’s not it at all.”
“Isn’t it?” His eyes were wet and full of despair.
“No.” I could see I wasn’t going to get anywhere with this tonight. This was a job for a therapist, not me. I kissed the side of his head. “Listen, it’s the middle of the night. We need to rest. You’re safe here with me now. Do you think you can sleep?”
Minty shrugged.
“Come up to my room.”
He let me tug him up and followed me out of the kitchen and up the stairs. I pressed a finger to my lips to indicate that he should be quiet, and then indicated my mom’s bedroom door and Betsy’s. They were closed now. At some point, Mom had gone to bed.
When my bedroom door was safely locked behind us, I pulled him toward my bed. Holding him close, I tried to calm down. I could feel my heart pounding against his back, and where my hands pressed against his sweatshirt-covered chest, I could feel his heart racing too.
“Tomorrow we’ll go to the campus police,” I said. “We’ll play them the tape.”
“I don’t want him to get arrested.” He reached up behind his head to touch my beard. His fingers raked through it, and he burrowed back against me more.
