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“I’m being reasonable.”
“If I wanted that, I’d have called Daniel.”
Windy sighed. “I love you, and I’m looking out for you. I’m just surprised he’d go through with raw sex like that.”
I tossed my pillow aside, sitting up. “He said he’s okay with the risks. He’s got clear tests, and I’ve got clear tests, and aside from Kyle, I haven’t been fucking anyone.”
“It’s not safe.”
“I don’t fucking wantsafe,” I spit out. “And maybe neither does he.”
Windy raised his hands in surrender. “Got it. Sorry I asked.”
“Me too.” I tugged my hand through my hair and sighed. “Last night with him… He spanked me so hard. Fuck. I want to do it again. Be with him. Tonight. Now. I want to be in his basement right now getting slapped silly.”
“His basement?”
“Yeah, it’s like his dungeon. There’s a big bed set up with really nice sheets and pillows. And there are other things too. Like a bench to restrain me on, and a table. There’s a Saint Andrew’s on the wall. So many toys. I didn’t even know what all of them were! There are some chairs too. A bathroom. And some cages.”
“Cages…”
“Yeah.” I sighed happily. “I wonder what it’s like to be fucked through the bars of a cage. He’s going to put me in one. I’ll get tofind out. Holy shit, I can’t wait.”
Windy scrubbed a hand over his face. His half-moon eyes squinted skeptically at me. “When will you see him again?”
My smile slid away. “Not until tomorrow night. He usually works Fridays but, for me, he’s taking the time off.”
That wasn’t true. He’d told me that most of the time we’d need to meet on Sunday morning and end our sessions by Monday afternoon at the latest for him. Since I had class, it’d have to be over by Monday morning for me.
Though I was reconsidering continuing school at all. What was even the point of it when I was going to die in a few months or a year? The idea of dropping out had been creeping into my mind ever since the diagnosis.
But then I’d have to move back home, and my mom would know, and…
No. It made it all too real.
But, yeah, the only reason we were meeting on Friday was because Cherise had talked their manager into givingherthe Friday shift so she could make a little extra for her grandson’s soccer team’s equipment fees. The manager had agreed.
Still, Ilikedpretending Luke had taken that time off just for me, and it wasn’t as if Windy would know the difference.
“He enjoyed hurting me,” I whispered. “I could tell.”
At least, I was pretty sure Luke had enjoyed himself. He’d come after all, but I still felt guilty about having used my safe word during the night. And humiliated.
I couldn’t believe I’d been forced back in time that way. I understood why, of course. The word “Daddy” had pushed buttons in my brain, and the rough fuck, with that word ringing in my ears, had felt far too similar to when…
I squeezed my eyes shut. No.
Windy knew about the rape, of course. All my close friends did,but I didn’t like talking about what happened to me back then. That was why I hadn’t told Luke about it last night. Still, I wondered, given enough time strapped to a torture device in his basement, would I confess everything to him—the actual whole,realtruth—if he took me apart enough, if he examined my insides?
Yeah. I would if he could…
Even with as scary as that was, maybe I wanted it to happen.
“Minty?” Windy asked, scooting closer to me again. I realized he’d asked me something, but I’d been zoned out. He rubbed my back carefully, clearly not sure where all the bruises might be. “Are you really okay?”
“Yeah, I’m great.”
He eyed me warily, his disbelief evident. But I didn’t need him to believe in my fantasies. I knew I was still a mess, but I’d be fine if I could just get back to Luke’s dungeon. Pain was a time-stopping sensation that held me in place, and Luke was the magician who knew just the right amount of it to dole out to scare me.
