Page 166 of Eat Your Heart Out


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“Prove yourself to me.”

“What do you mean?” I say and this time it’s me who can’t meet his eye.

“I know you only do this because… because of all those things I said, you know, about you having so much money and not knowing what it was like to need to work and… I’m sorry.”

Jocelyn stands with the mistletoe coiled in her hands, staring at us. “Ben, that’s not…” then she looks at me. “Is that true? I thought you enjoyed this. Why would you do this if you didn’t love it?”

Ben snorts and shakes his head.

“What?” Jocelyn demands. He puts his arms around her and kisses the top of her head.

“You two live in a different world,” he says. “Some of us have always associated working with something you have to do, not something you choose to do.”

“Says the actor,” Jocelyn responds.

“Yes, and when I started down this path, it was because I was driven. Driven despite knowing I’d most likely not succeed in the first place, and if I did succeed, then the chances were my income would be temporary, uncertain, below minimum wage when averaged out over a year.”

She stares at him.

“You do know that it is much more difficult for working class kids to work in the creative industries?”

She tilts her head to one side and thinks about it. “I imagine it’s harder in most industries. Whatever I chose to do, Dad would know someone who would know someone. But that still doesn’t explain…”

“He is right, Jocelyn,” I say, turning away from them to face the counter. Everything is set up already for the next batch, so I start measuring and weighing and mixing, finding the familiar routine soothing in the midst of yet another emotional conversation. This batch is going to be Chai with a cinnamon filling. They were supposed to be red berry, but I’m going to make my favourites to cheer myself up in the midst of all of this.

Once the batter is at the right stage to pipe it, Jocelyn’s arms come around my waist and she presses her body against the back of mine.

“Matt?”

“Yes?” I can still fill the piping bag with batter, with her holding me like that, so I keep working. She moves with me as I fill the baking tray with the neatly piped shells. They’ll rest for around an hour now, as the batter needs to form a thick skin before going in the oven. I set a timer and put my hands over Jocelyn’s.

“I need to make the next batch.”

She lets me go, but when I turn around, she’s in front of me and takes my hands in hers. I’m going to have to wash my hands and change my apron now, so I pull her into me and kiss her. As her warm mouth opens for my tongue and she deepens our kiss, I realise how much I’ve missed her over these last few weeks. Six more months and she’ll be finished at the Academy and I can’t wait until she’s living here with us.

I know her work will take us away from us, and my business keeps me here more often than not, but it’ll be good to know that her home is with us. She pulls back.

“If you didn’t have to be here every day and keep such different hours to us, we could see so much more of each other.” She pouts at me and I laugh. Then I give her a sweet peck on the cheek.

“That is very true, but if I do that, then I’ll spend my life following you two around and I won’t have anything that belongs solely to me, will I?”

It’s Ben’s turn to laugh. “No, just you and your family’s millions.”

“You know that’s a part of me, and while yes, initially I started this to prove something to you, Ben. It’s proved something to me too. I do like it. I enjoy it. I’m not giving it up.”

I reach for his hand and pull him over beside us and we have a three-way hug that lasts longer than is wise, given that I do need to get these orders fulfilled.

“But I’ll think about hiring some help,” I say. “But no matter why I started this, I do love it. And I’m not giving up the thing that keeps me grounded.”

“I thought I was the thing that kept you grounded?” Ben says, clutching his chest as if my words have wounded him.

“Give me a couple of hours to finish up, then I’ll be home. All right?”

“If you’re sure you don’t want us to help,“ Jocelyn says.

“I am. I’ll be faster on my own. I promise,” I say, realising just how true it is. If they don’t actively get in my way, I’ll end up distracted and messing up all on my own. So it’s best if I just concentrate on this first and on them later. “Don't you need to be at the theatre, anyway?”

“I have an hour,” Ben says.

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