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Or the day prior.
And now, there was a pregnancy test on the counter in my kitchen, sitting directly between Cooper and me, and he deserved an explanation.
“I don’t know if I have something to tell you,” I whispered. “I haven’t taken a test yet.” I nodded toward the box. “That’s the first and only one I bought.”
He moved around to my side of the island, turning my body until I faced him. His hands cupped the sides of my neck, a place on my body he didn’t usually hold.
But as he did, his grip was gentler than it had ever been.
“Rowan, there must be a reason why you think you’re pregnant.”
Just breathe.
The saying I’d been repeating nonstop, and it had done nothing to help my anxiety. In fact, I was sure it was doing the exact opposite of what I needed.
Because I couldn’t inhale.
I couldn’t exhale.
I couldn’t calm these nerves.
I was overtaken by nausea and tingles—not the kind that came from between my legs; these were like little fires igniting in my chest, sending flames toward my throat that closed my airway.
“I’m late.” My eyes welled with tears, the emotion coming completely out of nowhere. Like it had yesterday. And the day before. Angst pouring right out of me like sweat from a run. “That’s happened in the past, but it’s never been this late.”
He stroked underneath my ears. “You’ve been stressed. I’m sure that can do plenty of shit to your body.” His voice was much calmer than I’d expected.
Except I hadn’t expected anything.
I didn’t anticipate Cooper coming over.
I was going to make myself some tea to soothe my stomach and take the test alone. If the result was negative, which I had a feeling it would be, I wouldn’t say anything to him at all. There would be no reason to. The delay had been caused by stress, and my anxiety had created all these wild symptoms.
If it was positive, well, that was an entirely different story, and we would have a lot to talk about.
“Yes,” I replied, “stress can definitely do that. I’m sure that’s the case.” I nodded, reconfirming that thought in my head. “But it might be worth mentioning that I haven’t been feeling very well.” I attempted to release the little air I had been holding in, and I ended up coughing from it. “I’ve gotten sick a bunch of times, and my breasts hurt. Like, theyreallyhurt, Cooper.”
His head shook as he processed, a look of concern coming through his expression. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I didn’t know if it was all in my mind or stress-induced or if it was really something much more. I couldn’t take the unknown for a second longer. Plus, Sky’s been hounding me to get a test?—”
“You told Sky?” He searched my eyes. “And not me?”
I put one of my hands on top of his. “The conversation went down during our last girls’ night. Our periods are in sync. And that’s when I figured out I was late, and then when mine never came, the questions started.”
He moved his face closer. “What upsets me the most, Rowan, is that you’ve been dealing with this worry or uncertainty—or whatever you want to call it—on your own. Or I guess with Sky when I should have been the one helping you through it.”
“You’re here now.”
“I’m going to be honest with you.” His stare deepened. “When I saw the pregnancy test, it tripped me up. I didn’t know what the fuck to do. My body froze. I couldn’t piece things together, everything was scattered. It took me a second to realize what I was even looking at.”
“It’s a lot. I know. I’ve had some time to put my brain there. You’ve had seconds. I get it. But what I keep telling myself is that I’m on the pill. Although it’s not a hundred percent, I’ve been on it for a long time. I take it religiously. The chances are there, I suppose, but they’re so slim.”
His hands dropped from my neck, causing mine to fall, and he held my waist, lifting me onto the counter. He then moved in between my legs; our faces now aligned. “We haven’t been very careful. We only used a handful of condoms over Christmas, and that doesn’t dent all the times we’ve had sex. The chances are there—I’m sure of it.”
He was right.
We hadn’t really been careful at all.
