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When we finally make it to the park a few minutes later, Julia jets off and Brian turns toward me, adjusting his glasses and clearing his throat.
“You okay? I was wanting to ask, but not in front of the kids.”
His question throws me off, and I feel like crying all over again. First Hayden and now him? Jesus, I need a damn break.
Sniffing, I nod. “Yeah, just had a bit of a…a bit of a reality check yesterday.”
He nods and then reaches out and grabs on to Charlie’s hand, smiling when Charlie sticks his finger in his mouth.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I don’t, not with him because I worry he’ll feel obligated to tell my sister. And I can’t have that. I can’t risk it.
“I won’t tell her, you know. I can keep a secret,” Brian says softly.
I peer over at him and eye him suspiciously.
“What won’t you tell her? What do you know?” I ask and Brian shifts on his feet, his finger still in Charlie’s mouth, his own lips pursing.
“I meant to tell you, but I didn’t really have time to. But now that you’re here…” His voice trails off and he sighs. “I saw you with another man the other day. You were kissing him.”
My heart stops. Literally stops beating for an entire second, and I feel like I’m going to pass out. My vision goes hazy, and I stumble to the side.
“Hey,” Brian says, his hands on my shoulders, steadying me. “Hey, it’s fine. I just wanted to tell you that it’s fine. I don’t care. I don’t care, and I support you and your sister won’t ever find out. Not from me, anyways.”
I take in a shaky inhale and nod, trying to steady myself, but it’s all too much. Alec, and the revenge plot, and now this.
He knows and that means eventually my sister will know.
She’ll find out and I’ll lose the kids.
I realize that I’ve said those words out loud, my fears out there in the open for anyone to hear.
“No, she won’t. I won’t let her keep them from you. And I know you think she’s bad, I know that you don’t have the best relationship, but she does love you. In her own way,” Brian says softly, pulling me into his side, in a friendly, mostly comforting bro-hug.
“I thought it was a hobby, but it’s not, Brian,” I whisper. “I’m…I’m gay.”
He nods and pats my shoulder. “That’s okay. That’s totally fine. I think I always knew.”
I peek over at him and let out a small, mortified laugh. I feel so much lighter with him knowing. Someone else knows, someone in my family. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, your gaze would always wander to the guys when we’d go out. Didn’t really confirm it until the other day, but there’s nothing wrong with it. Hayden will see that too. She’s just…she’s stubborn and set in her ways. She has a hard time thinkingoutside the box, but she doesn’t want to lose you just as much as you don’t want to lose her.”
“Yeah,” I say, my voice wobbling. “But for now, I don’t want her to know. I can’t risk it. You’re rarely home and if she finds out, she could…she could be unreasonable without you around.”
“Yeah, I know. I won’t say a word. I promise. I just wanted to let you know I have your back.”
I nod and he pulls away from me, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“I’m gonna go push Julia on the swings. She looks a bit pathetic trying to pump those legs of hers. She’s old enough where she should know how to do this, right?”
“Yeah,” I say as I let out a squawking laugh. It makes him wince, and I feel my cheeks heat in embarrassment. I’m a fucking wreck. I can’t believe he knows and is so supportive. I didn’t expect that. My eyes start to sting once more, and I swipe at them, feeling the wet brush of tears against my skin.
Is this what acceptance feels like?
Is this what I’ve been missing my whole life?
I watch Brian push Julia and then walk over to Jordan and smile at him as he goes down the slide. When we finally get back to the house, I’m feeling slightly better. Brian gives me another side hug before I leave, telling me softly that it will all be okay.
