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I understood all too well.
And I’d been a fool for thinking that Crew Dutton would ever see me as anything other than a broken little girl.
20
Rhett
My phone buzzed in the pocket of my pants, and I ignored it. Just as I’d done the other three times. After a moment, it stopped, and I released the breath I’d been holding.
The clock over the door to the surgical waiting room said it was just after midnight, and, other than myself, the space was empty. Bitterness churned in my heart as I looked at the vacant chairs.
It didn’t bother me that I was the only one with a loved one currently unconscious on a surgical table as men cut into him.
What bothered me was that two other men should have been here with me, waiting for the moment there was news about Jude.
After storming away from Kellan and Crew, I’d gone to clean myself up. When I’d left the bathroom, one of the hospital admins met me in the hall so I could fill out all of Jude’s information. When he’d given me his medical power of attorney during routine paperwork for the Bureau, it had been my greatest fear that one day I’d need to exercise it.
I wore my failure as an alpha like a mantle, the weight of it oppressive and almost too much to carry.
Jude was my beta, and I’d failed to protect him. He’d been shot.
And while I couldn’t stop what had happened, I could pull a few strings to make sure Jude had the absolute best medical care, including a private pack suite to recuperate in.
My brother and I had grown up with wealth and privilege, and were both recipients of hefty trust funds. While Samuel had followed in our fathers’ footsteps to become a criminal attorney, I’d gone into law enforcement. My parents had tried to discourage it, even threatened to disown me, but I knew it was an empty threat. The Coulson pack would never let anyone see the cracks in their very shaky foundation.
Not only had I failed them by not becoming an attorney, it was the greatest disappointment in my parents’ lives that I wasn’t the leader of our pack. In their eyes, Crew being the head of our pack was a disgrace. I was a Coulson, and my pack should only be so lucky as to be given the gift of that name.
When we’d become a pack, and decided Crew would be our head alpha, he’d registered the pack and our surnames had all been hyphenated to identify our pack affiliation. We rarely used the hyphenated formal surname when working since it was a fucking mouthful to spit out multiple names.
But it only added fuel to my parents disappointment in me. The head of the pack, Papa, had transitioned into politics nearly fifteen years earlier. He’d been a senator for the last four years, and I knew for a fact he didn’t plan on stopping at Congress. So they privately tried to make my life a living hell while publicly proclaiming I was representing our family’s positive views of law enforcement, especially when I was part of a major drug bust that made national headlines last year.
I hissed at the memory and the shitstorm it had caused—professionally and personally.
It was one of the reasons Jude had started volunteering for undercover assignments. When my parents blindsided me at a charity gala with a camera crew that plastered my name and picture on the front page, it had effectively ended my own UC work.
The only blessing was that my parents made sure the papers only reported my name, leaving off the Dutton pack name completely.
Honestly, I would drop the Coulson and switch to just Dutton if I’d thought my parents wouldn’t throw such a damn hissy fit. Being a Coulson came with strict expectations.
Expectations I never wanted.
All I wanted was to live a life with my pack and the man I loved. I wanted to make the world a better place for all designations.
That’s what Jude wanted, too.
I looked down at my empty hands, fixating on the dried blood still embedded under my nails. The hasty scrub I’d given them in the bathroom hadn’t cleansed my skin of every trace of the man I loved.
My insides twisted with the knowledge that I’d failed my beta. I couldn’t move on from that paralyzing thought. Instead, I lowered my head and focused on controlling my breathing. It was the only thing I could control at this point.
Jude would be so pissed at me right now, acting like he was some beta damsel in distress. He was more than capable of handling himself. Shit, he was a better shot than I was. And a former MMA fighter. Jude could hold his own easily, and he hated when I tried to protect him.
But I couldn’t shut off my very nature. I was an alpha. It was in my DNA to protect my pack.
Lifting my head, I glared at the empty seats across from me, unable to stop the dark thoughts from edging into my mind like wraiths.
Kellan and Crew should be here, but they weren’t.
They were chasing after her.
