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PROLOGUE
“Guys…I…I can't…breathe.”
I'm unsure if what I just tried to say was said aloud or only in my head. I don’t know what is happening to me. We are on our way to Nashville and have just made our last stop for gas in a town called White Mountain. I was getting into the music and enjoying the view out the back window of Nick’s car when my chest started to feel tight. It feels like someone is sucking the air out of my lungs. My heart feels like it will pound out of my chest, and my skin is feeling flushed.
I must have said it out loud because I opened my eyes and saw my friends and boyfriend looking at me with concern. My boyfriend Max seemed to realize what I said first, and he moved closer to me.
“Guys, something is wrong with Aubrey. Nick, pull over…Now!”
“What? What’s wrong?” Callie asked while turning toward the backseat.
“Aubs, do you need me to pull over?” Nick asked.
“Babe, are you okay?” Max asked.
All of their voices at the same time overwhelmed me even more. Max tried to put his hands around my shoulders to pull me into a hug, but the last thing I wanted right now was to be touched, so I pushed him away.
I started talking even louder. “Don’t…touch…me,” I said between gasps for air. “I… I can’t—”
My eyes were filled with tears, and despite my best efforts to hold them in, they began falling down my face. I could hear my friends talking, but nothing was registering in my brain until Callie opened the back door and pulled me out of the car and the fresh air hit my face.
Callie placed a cold bottle of water on the back of my neck and pushed me down into a sitting position on the curb. Max must be holding the bottle because she is now squatting in front of me with both hands on my cheeks.
“Aubrey…Aubs, Look around and tell me five things you can see.”
“What—”
“Aubrey, just do it,” Callie said sternly.
“Sky…you…Max…ground…car,” I said, still gasping.
“Okay, good. Name four things you can touch.”
I put my hands down and then touched her hands on my cheeks. I was reaching out to feel anything within my immediate surroundings. “Grass…pavement…your hand, and my jeans.” Speaking was a little easier, and there was less gasping.
“Good, you’re doing great. Okay, now tell me three things you can hear.”
I sat for a moment and closed my eyes.
“Um.. cars…your voice and Nick chewing.”
I opened my eyes and gave Nick a look. He was constantly chewing with his mouth open. His face went a little pink. It made me smile because I realized I was starting to calm down.
Callie laughed and gave Nick the stink eye. “Of course, you can hear his dumbass chewing,” she scoffed. “So gross. Okay, now name two things you smell.”
I stared at her, realizing I was almost completely calmed down, but I kept going. “My perfume and the Smarties on your breath.” I almost laughed because this girl is forever eating those stupid candies.
“Fuck,” she said as she laughed and covered her mouth. “Sorry. Okay, last one. Name one thing you can taste.”
I took a deep breath before answering. “I can taste the chips Max and I were sharing.”
She smiled at me. “Perfect.” She removed her hands from my cheeks. “Are you feeling better now?”
I looked around for a moment, and Nick and Callie were focused on me while Max was texting someone. That man is always so focused on his phone. I looked back at Callie, “Yes, I think so.”
Callie helped me to my feet. I could feel the embarrassment flooding my cheeks. “Sorry guys. I don’t know what that was. It came out of nowhere.”
“It was a panic attack,” Callie said confidently.
