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“That’s not really what I mean.” I took a breath and looked down at my hands. “Max was my first everything. Although I was a party girl and had quite a reputation for being a “fun” time. I never partied too hard or went home with anyone, and I especially never slept with anyone. I had the confidence and reputation of someone who did all that, but I was never really that person. Some may even say I was a bit of a tease.”
His eyes widened like he was going to ask me a question, but I continued.
“I knew I didn’t want to wait for marriage, but I did want to save myself for the person I thought I would marry. Max was my safe space, my person. He was my comfort. I thought I was with the person who would be my forever, and then that dream ended when I found him in bed with another woman.”
“Oh, Aubrey.”
He placed his palm on my cheek. I placed my hand on his and kept going; otherwise, I knew I would chicken out.
“He was a ladies’ man like you are. He said I was the one to make him change. If I’m being honest, he had all the signs that one day he would cheat, but I ignored them all. Even when people told me he was trouble, I didn’t believe them…He broke me, Link. He broke me so bad that I haven’t been able to be with someone since. I’m 23 years old, and I’ve slept with one person, and the last time I even kissed someone besides you was over two and a half years ago. He made me feel worthless, and I’ve carried that with me all this time, and if I’m being totally honest, I’m scared you will be just like him.”
He looked hurt. “Aubrey, I would never do that to you.”
I continued without acknowledging his words.
“The issue is that I’m scared to want you. I am so scared of being hurt that I can’t let myself give in to wanting you. It took me a long time to move out of the hurt phase, and I can’t go back to that place.”
He was looking at me with sympathy, like he was really understanding where I was coming from. The next thing I knew, he was hauling me onto his lap.
LINCOLN
I pushed the blanket off us and pulled her onto my lap so she was straddling me. I wanted to be face-to-face. I couldn’t stand how far away she felt. I needed to look her in the eyes. I placed my hands back on her cheeks and rubbed my fingers over her features. She put her hands on my forearms.
She was silently crying, and her cheeks had turned a darker shade of pink. I gently wiped some of her tears away. I started to kiss them away, but she pulled away. I didn’t misunderstand anything she was saying. She’s afraid to let me in.
My heart sank because I understood. I’m nothing to write home about in the relationship area, but knowing I ever made her doubt me hurt more than I care to admit. But really, why would she think differently? Nothing I’ve said could make her think anything different. If anything, I probably made it ten times worse by bragging about it like a dickhead. No matter how comfortable and safe she may have felt earlier on the date, my past reminds her of him. I finally broke our silence.
“I’m sorry, Aubrey. I’m sorry you had to go through that with your ex. I am sorry he was such a shitty human. I’m sorry that my past makes you uneasy. If that were something I could change or fix, I would.” I paused, running my fingers through my hair. “I don’t know why it’s different with you, and I’m sure it sounds like a rehearsed line, but something changed when I met you. I can’t explain why or how it happened, but since you walked into that store, I haven’t been able to look at or even think about anyone else. You are consuming me, Aubrey, even though I barely know you.”
She laughed and sniffled a little, then grabbed my hoodie strings and started twirling them around her fingers. Then she looked up at me with those baby blues. I felt a flutter in my chest. I brought one of my hands up to touch her face.
“You have this pull on me that I can’t explain. All I know is that I like it, and I really like you.” She tensed a bit, but I kept going.
“I know that this is a really complicated situation because you’re right; it will be a big mess if things go bad. We’re connected to the same people, and we can’t just walk away without strings attached, but I do know that we can figure it out. I want to figure it out. I want to see where this goes, and I get the impression you do too. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have agreed to a date. Am I right?”
I put my hands on her waist and pulled her closer to me. “I’ve never wanted someone like this before. As I said, I don’t know what it is, but this isn’t just some fling to me, which is new. I always said I never wanted anything but a hookup. To me, relationships mean giving myself to someone, and I never wanted to give someone that much power over me or give that much of myself to someone just to end up hurt. A relationship meant there was a potential for settling down and moving forward in life, and I’ve never had the feeling I wanted that before, but with you, I don’t know. Is it weird if I say I can see this going somewhere? Will that scare you off completely?”
“Yes, Link, It scares me completely,” she whispered.
“I just…I want to try. Please, let me show you how this can work. Let me show you what safe feels like again. I’ve never felt like this about anyone or poured out all my feelings like this before. I actually feel stupid to be honest, because I don’t know what you’re thinking. I was trying to keep my man card and show off by acting like I was some woman eater, but you have my man card in a vice grip. That shit expired the moment I met you.”
She laughed again, and her smile took my breath away.
She moved her hands to my cheeks and stared at me like she was deciding something, and then her smile faded slightly.
“Link, what if—”
She started speaking, but I cut her off by putting my fingers on her lips to stop her. I brought her face closer to mine. Our lips were almost touching.
“Aubrey, what if it works?”
She was quiet for a moment. She slid her fingers into my hair before she spoke against my lips. “Promise me something?”
It was a question, not a statement. I nodded my head yes.
“Promise me we will always be friends, and we will always put that friendship first. Even if romance isn’t in the cards for us, and this is just a silly fleeting attraction.”
“Aubrey, this isn’t some fleeting attraction.”
