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CHAPTER FIVE
Aubrey
Ispent about two hours playing guitar and crying…mostly crying. I can’t stop thinking about my parents and how they have dealt with keeping this from me for so long. Did they ever talk about it? Did they fight about it?
They have that kind of marriage everyone talks about. They’ve always been head over heels in love and never even considered divorce as far as I know. They have never fought in front of Brielle and me. My favorite memory of them is when I caught them dancing in the kitchen to no music. Dad was humming their wedding song. They are the definition of finding your soulmate and forever love.
It’s a beautiful story, but as their daughter, it can sometimes get nauseating. Maybe I’m just jealous because I’m scared no one will ever look at me, treat me, or even love me the way my dad does my mom. I’ve always wanted a love story that reflects theirs. I want simple moments like dancing in the kitchen and kissing under the stars. Sadly, I’ve only dealt with heartbreak. I know I’m still young, but it feels like a love like that will never come for me. At least I have my love songs. I lit my favorite candle, honeysuckle pear scent, to try to help me focus. I had to finish writing a piece for Nick to use in the spring musical next June. Sadly I was getting nowhere.
I heard a knock at my door.
“Come in,” I called out.
My dad pushed the door open. He had water, apples, and peanut butter in his hand, my go-to snack.
“Are you ready to talk? Can I sit with you?”
He placed the snacks on my side table and I just shrugged.
“I don’t know what to say. I’m so angry at you both. I don’t want to say something I don’t mean. I don’t want to hurt you just because I’m hurting.”
He sat down anyway. “Aubrey, you deserve to get it all out. I will be here to listen; nothing you say could make me disappear. Especially because this is mostly my fault, and I deserve whatever you have to say to me.”
I looked over at him as I picked up a piece of apple. That admission surprised me, and I was trying to figure out how this situation could be his fault. He must have seen the questions on my face because he started explaining himself.
“Mom wanted to keep looking but I asked her not to. I asked her to let me be your dad and told her that you not being biologically mine didn’t make me love you any less. I told her that nothing would ever change that. She was vulnerable. She wanted to make me happy and went along with it. We were young and dumb, and I should have considered how this would affect your future. I am so sorry Aubrey. You were completely right earlier. You deserved to know the truth sooner.”
We sat in silence as I rubbed my hands together. I was nervous about the answer to the question I was about to ask. I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Who else knows you’re not my real…I mean biological, Dad?”
He smiled at my slip up. Just because we’re not blood doesn’t mean he is any less my dad. “Just Aunt Mary. Since neither of our parents were alive and your mother didn’t keep in touch with any friends back then, no one even knew she was pregnant. Everyone else we knew here assumed you were mine. They thought having you made our love happen and, honestly, that was a big part of it.”
I was relieved knowing that no one else had lied to me. I don’t remember meeting Aunt Mary, so she didn’t have the chance to lie. She died when I was only two.
My dad leaned in to hug me. I didn’t think I had any more tears left, but once I opened my arms and hugged him back the tears came back with a vengeance.
We sat there for about fifteen minutes and he just held me and let me cry. He may have even cried a little too, but I didn’t look up to find out. That would have made me feel worse. I’ve only seen my dad cry a handful of times.
A little while later, my mom came in and sat with us. She placed her hand on my leg. “Aubrey, I will do whatever I can to help you find him if that’s what you want.”
I looked up at her and saw the regret in her eyes. I know my parents would never do something to hurt me on purpose. I also know this hurt them just as much as it hurt me.
“I will spend whatever money it will take to help you get information about him,” Dad added.
I looked down at my hands in my lap then back up at them. “I think I need to find him, or at least try. Maybe finding out about me will ruin his life, but I will regret not trying for the rest of mine if I don’t.”
A voice came from the hallway. “You should do a DNA test; that’s a good start. If he’s done it or anyone that he’s related to has, then it will come up as a partial match. That’s probably the easiest thing, right?” Brie asked as she walked into the room.
I looked at my dad. I wasn’t sure how to start the next part of what I wanted to say. We sat silently, and then I found the courage.
“I will always love you. You will always be my dad. I hope you understand.”
I’m not quite sure why I was trying to comfort him, but I am who I am, and I’m always trying to make other people feel okay no matter the situation, even when they are in the wrong or when I’m hurt in the process.
“Of course, Aubs. We understand completely. As we said, we will do whatever we can to make this happen for you.”
The next day my best friends Callie and Nick were sitting on my bed as I told them what had transpired over the last twenty-four hours. I ordered a DNA kit, and it was on its way. I did priority shipping because I couldn’t wait.
Everyone who meets the three of us can’t believe we are friends. We are all so different it’s unbelievable—mostly because of our looks but our personalities too. Callie is a few inches shorter than me and is a beautiful brunette with caramel-colored eyes and skin. She’s got a feisty attitude and she’s confident as hell. She couldn’t give a shit about what anyone has to say. One thing we have in common is that we are both fiercely protective and loyal to each other and everyone we love.
