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“You’re my best friend. That’s what friends do.”
I shook my head. “That’s… I cared about Ryan, but I never loved him.” I held his gaze, hoping he’d just see it. It would’ve been so much easier if he just saw the truth in my eyes. “It took Ryan’s breakup to make me realize... I’m in love with someone else.”
Evan raised his eyebrows and grinned, clearly happy for me. He didn’t know that I was about to toss our friendship down the drain. “Who?”
It was like gossip to him. He still didn’t get it, and I couldn’t not tell him now. “You, Evan.”
He took the admission harder than a hip check into the boards, staggering back a step with an expression of pure shock glazing over his features. “Me? What do you mean me?”
I nodded, waiting for it to really sink in. His eyes narrowed as he stared at me, crossing and recrossing his arms over his chest.
“No.” That was all he said.
This was over.
I was losing him tonight.
The crush of those two letters sent me into a spiral, but there was no backing down. Not now. It was too late. I plowed forward, hoping he’d finally be able to see me as more than just his friend. That he’d see me for someone he could love. Really love. “I pushed away the jealousy every time you took some random puck bunny to your place. Told myself I was worried about your health or reputation. When you and Lorraine were together, I hated her not because she was a controlling bitch, but because she had what I wanted. I don’t know when it happened, when I fell in love with you. But it did, and I am.”
“No.” He shook his head as if he could get rid of the mere idea of me.
“I know. You don’t feel the same about me. It’s… it is what it is, but I couldn’t keep going on like this without telling you. I can’t move on with my life unless you know the truth.” I shook my shoulders and fought off the wave of genuine despair washing over me. Then I put it in terms he’d understand.
He was my best friend, but I needed him to be more and he… he wasn’t going there. “Regulation’s up, scores tied. No goals in overtime. I just took my last shot in the shootout, Evan, and you blocked it. It’s up to you now. Do you score or do we both walk away without a win?”
Chapter 4
Evan
I stared at her. That was all I could do. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. She couldn’t love me. It wasn’t possible. I wasn’t her type. She wasn’t mine. Sure, she was the one person who I could count on and the one person I knew would always be there for me, but that wasn’t love.
“That’s what I thought,” she said when I didn’t respond right away.
That pissed me off.
“Give me a minute. You know—”
“Yeah, I know. You have to process, but this isn’t something you process. If you felt the same way about me, you’d just know. You’d get it.” She wiped the tears from her cheeks, and I felt like the world’s biggest asshole for making her cry. All I wanted to do was hold her, comfort her, and make this pain go away. But I was the cause of it. Never would I hurt her. Never. “It’s okay, Evan. I… I can’t help it, but I can’t be around you all the time anymore. There’s only a few months left of school and then we’ll go our separate ways.”
“We’re both going to St. Paul,” I pointed out. She knew this. Nothing between us would change after we graduated. My heart skipped around my ribs, and my hand clenched at my chest, trying to make it stop.
“To different parts of the city. I’ll still be in school. You’re going to be working full-time, meeting new people.” She pressed her eyes tight. I wanted to hug her so badly, but she didn’t want me to touch her right now. Not the way I was used to. And I wasn’t sure I could touch her the way she wanted. “We’ll lose touch like most people do. I just… I couldn’t let you go unless I told you the truth. I know it’s not fair to drop this on you tonight, but if I kept waiting, I’d never do it. Then I’d hate myself more than I already do because either way I’m losing you.”
“You aren’t losing me, JoJo.” I reached for her, not realizing it was the wrong thing to do. She side-stepped me, and damn, if that wasn’t a stick to my balls. “Can’t we go back to the way things were? Just pretend this didn’t happen?”
“No. That’s the point, Evan. I can’t sit back and watch you meet someone else. Not while I feel this way. Eventually, you’ll fall in love, and I’ll be cast aside for real. I can love you from a distance, then maybe I can get over you.”
I had no idea what to say. She just ripped my heart out, stomped on it, and then put it back in my chest with barely a beat. “What are you saying?”
She closed the distance between us and put her palms on my face. My hands settled on her hips. It was natural, and it felt right. I dug my fingers into her jeans, wanting to keep her in place so she wouldn’t leave me.
“That this is goodbye.”
She lifted on her toes and pressed her plush lips to mine. I froze, not kissing her back at first. This was JoJo, not somebody looking for a night of sex. She was too good for that. But I quickly lost the thought of who she was and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her tight against my chest as my lips began to move against hers.
Stupid, because I wasn’t in love with her. I couldn’t be. But nothing had ever felt this right. My entire body woke up, like it had been asleep and was just going through the motions all this time, waiting for the moment I finally felt something to set off the alarms.
She tasted like peppermint and sugar; my favorite things.
