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“Hey.” He takes the pitcher from me, our fingers brushing, and sets it on the table.
I try and fail to keep from running my gaze along his body. No longer the lanky teen, his body has hardened and grown into a full grown man, kept lean with his workouts for baseball. At the thought of baseball, and the reason we weren’t here together with our own kids, the desire cools. That reason hasn’t changed. He’s only here to help his dad and then he’s gone. I may not survive him leaving a second time. Better to not let my heart get involved again.
“Hey,” I answer. I don’t smile as easily as I might have a minute ago.
His smile fades but his gaze stays on me. My family enters through the back gate, giving me an excuse to walk away. I have four sisters and two brothers so they make a big enough entrance that it won’t look rude for me to leave Sutton standing by the grill. They’re chattering away and warmth feels my chest. There’s no way I could’ve left them back then and there’s no way I could leave them now.
“Are you okay?” My oldest sister, Azalea, pulls me to the side. She’s always been motherly and now that Sutton is back it’s increased ten-fold.
I nod, because what else am I supposed to do right now? Break down in front of these people? They’d just say it’s my own fault.
“C’mon, let’s get a drink.” Azalea links her arm through mine and one of my younger sisters, Lily, joins me on the other side, forming a wall against the other guests. I can feel their curious eyes on me, probably wondering why I’m here if Sutton is. Some of the younger women are jealous of our history and I wonder for a moment if maybe Sutton invited them. Maybe coming wasn’t such a great idea.
Azalea and Lily lead me to the tin buckets holding beers and wine coolers as my parents go say hello to the hosts and my other siblings split to play horseshoes, corn hole, and talk with friends. I gratefully take a beer and twist the lid off before taking a long pull. I’m not one to normally drink, but certain circumstances call for it. And if the love of your life comes back into town with a dimpled smile and heat in his gaze, it’s definitely a drinking situation.
My sisters stay by my side as we make our way to where our brothers, Journey and Everest, are playing corn hole with a couple of their friends. They heckle each other, voices rising and falling in joking disdain as they toss the beanbags to the opposite hole. I continue to sip my beer and study the corn hole game like I’ll be quizzed on it later and my life depends on the answers. Unfortunately my attention keeps getting snagged by Sutton as he greets guests, as the girls we went to high school try to corner him, as he checks on his father who is sitting with my parents, and he does this all looking as at ease with them as he always did on the baseball diamond.
Memories wash over me, unwanted and untamed, of me at his baseball games cheering him on. Of us sneaking off to be together without our parents knowing, of me breaking both our hearts in one devastating blow. I don’t want these memories torturing me, especially with Sutton so close. I desperately try to hang onto the anger that he did leave, but who can I really be mad at? He asked me and I turned him down. And yet he left without a look back and then plowed his way through supermodels and actresses and lead singers for edgy bands. How am I supposed to compete with that? Why do I want to?
Throughout the party it feels like Sutton and I are circling each other, me finding any excuse not to talk with him, him making his way toward me. Azalea and Lily tried to run interference but by the end of the night, my luck ran out. I’m helping Deborah and my mom clean up some of the leftovers when the hairs on the back of my neck lift.
“Clover, do you mind finishing up?” Deborah says as she looks over my shoulder. She not-so-subtly elbows my mom who also looks over my shoulder. Her eyebrows lift but they both mumble and excuse and head back into the house.
I refuse to look behind me. I know he’s there because goosebumps trail up my arms to the back of my neck. I stay where I am, not ready to look at him, not ready to face him up close and personal. Sutton doesn’t notice or doesn’t care because he moves up beside me and starts picking up cups and leftover food. We work in silence for a few minutes and my nerves stretch thin. It’s like I’m on a precipice and any movement at all will push me over.
“You look beautiful tonight, Clover.” Sutton’s voice is low even though no one else is around.
My jaw aches at how hard I clench my teeth to not respond. That pain I thought had scabbed over claws its way through my chest, a monster reawakening. Coming tonight was a mistake but Sutton has always been a temptation I can’t resist. All I’ve thought about since I saw him this morning was the what-ifs. What if I had gone with him ten years ago? What if he’d stayed? Even though I was the one to stay, it hurts that he still left me. Moving faster, I start grabbing more cups and plates and napkins and shove them into the trash bag.
“Hey,” Sutton places a hand on my arm and it’s like he used a stun gun. I freeze, an animal paralyzed. When I still don’t look at him he gently turns me to face him. My gaze stays pinned to his chest. “Look at me, please.”
The desperation in his voice has my gaze shooting to his. What I see there has a lump forming in my throat. Regret. Pain. All the things I tell myself I haven’t felt since he left twisting inside me. “What do you want?” The words slip out before I can help myself. “You left, Sutton. It’s been ten years.”
“I know.” His thumb rubs across my wrist and I shut my eyes against the sensations and memories it evokes. “I’m sorry I left you.”
His apology washes over me, dampening my anger. He sounds sincere, but it’s too late. He’s going to leave again and we can’t keep repeating history.
Clearing my throat, I say, “I told you to go.” I pull my wrist from his grasp and pick up the trash bag again. “It’s in the past. We should leave it there.”
This time I’m the one leaving him standing there. I grab my keys and go around the house. I can’t go inside to say my goodbyes, not with how raw I feel. The urge to turn around and go back to Sutton is so strong that I have to force my feet to keep going forward. Once I pull in my driveway, I rest my forehead on the steering wheel and take a deep breath. My insides are shaking and in only takes one breath and I’m crying, the sobs tearing through my chest.
Chapter Four
Sutton
After watching Clover walk away last night, I realize I have more work to do to win her back. It’s not that I thought it would be easy, I just didn’t know the extent of how much it hurt her when I left. It just didn’t occur to me that she would be angry since she’s the one who told me to go. I check on Dad and Ashleigh before leaving the house to meet with the realtor. Clover doesn’t know I’m here to stay, but once I meet with Miranda, the rumors will burn through the town like a wildfire. Maybe if Clover learns that I’m moving home, it will erase some of her doubt. Telling her I’m staying won’t be enough. She has to see my intent.
Driving through my hometown settles the ache in my chest some. I’ve missed this place, the people, the southern hospitality of it. Miranda has three houses picked out for me to look at it, but I already know which one I want. I’ve asked her to meet me at that one first.
Pulling into the driveway, I get out and survey the area. It’s on the outskirts of town and settled on twenty acres. There’s a lake and an honest-to-God white picket fence. The home is a two-story farmhouse style kept in good condition by the previous owners. Miranda exits her car and stands beside me as we both look at the front of the house. The wraparound porch has two rocking chairs and a swing. It’s perfect.
I let Miranda walk me through the updated interior knowing I’m going to buy it. I can see Clover and I raising a family here, growing old together here. Christmases and Thanksgivings and making everyday memories here. Miranda and I settle the deal right then and I follow her back to the office to sign papers and get a certified check to buy the house outright. I can move in within two weeks since the owners have already left.
Deciding to let the rumor mill get into action before seeing Clover again, I head back to my parents’ house. Ashleigh and my parents are in the kitchen drinking coffee when I enter.
“What’s got that big grin on your face?” Ashleigh asks as I sit down.
“I bought the O’Keefe place.” I take a sip of the coffee Mom passes me.
