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I analyze our words, our hurt and anger, thinking about how much we argued after that, how we drove home in silence, and he left for college the next day without so much as a goodbye. Was I foolish to not leave then? Like he’d said then, it was college and the pros. If we’d been together would he have come home more? Would we have kids?
Nothing is any clearer. Not my decision then, and not his decision to move home now, but a treacherous part of me wants to find out. Wants to see what can happen if I let him back in.
Chapter Six
Sutton
At dinner that night, my parents are over the moon about me buying the place. They offer furniture, food, and help to clean the place up.
“You’ll have to wait on that, Dad,” Ashleigh points out.
“Will we be able to stay the night?” Dakota spears a piece of meat off of her brother’s plate.
“Hey!” Dallas retaliates by taking her cup.
“Kids.” Mom rarely uses a firm voice with them, but when she does, they stop whatever they’re doing.
“Remember that tone?” Ashleigh shoots me a commiserating grin.
My niece and nephew’s arguing should probably get on my nerves, but it doesn’t. They remind me of how me and Ashleigh used to be, could still be, and it warms my heart. I have so much time to make up for and I plan on making it up to them every day. Uncle Sutton is here to stay.
I soak up every minute of family dinner, something I didn’t realize I missed until I was in the thick of it. My parents gently goad each other, teasing like they’re newlyweds. Ashleigh gets a call from her husband who works nights and FaceTimes him so that we can all see him. It’s just like I remember it, with the addition of the kids, and it’s another reason my decision to move home is so right. My family needs me and I need them.
After dinner Ashleigh and I clean the kitchen. We move through the familiar motions of her washing and rinsing, me drying and putting away.
“So, Clover.” Ashleigh nudges me with her shoulder. “You planning on getting back with her?”
“If she can forgive me for leaving.”
Ashleigh’s silent for a minute as we work. “She was a mess after you left. Just as I’m sure you were when you left. I could tell it hurt her to tell you no.”
“Did she date?” I ask, both wanting to hear the answer and praying Ashleigh doesn’t oblige me.
“Off and on, nothing serious. You’re her true love, as corny as that sounds.” Ashleigh places some dishes on the towel. “I used to be jealous of you two, you know.”
This surprises me. “Why?”
“Because even though you both were young, you were so in love. Not just puppy love, as true a love as Mom and Dad. I wanted that.”
“You have that with John.”
“Now I do, sure. But back then I hadn’t met him yet and seeing the two of you, I wanted it.” Ashleigh glances over at me. “You’re getting a second chance with her. Don’t screw it up. She’s bruised, but I can tell she still loves you.”
“That’s a relief, because any time I’ve been near her she’s pushed me away.”
“Give her time, Sutton. The greater the love, the greater the hurt.”
“Wow.” I nudge her back. “When did you become so wise?”
“When I had kids,” she laughs.
Later that night, after saying bye to Ashleigh and the kids and goodnight to my parents, I go for a drive. I end up at Clover’s store again and see her inside unpacking boxes.
I step inside and hold up my hands when she whirls around at the sound of the bell.
“God, Sutton, you scared the crap out of me.” Clover’s holding out the box cutter like she might damage someone with it.
“Want some help?” I ask. I am determined to be as unthreatening as possible. Maybe the best way to win her back is to become her friend again first.
