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What has he been doing without me?
I imagined him fumbling across the field. Running left when he’s supposed to go right. Missing passes because he ran too far. Eating lunch with a new group of people. Holding another girl’s hand. Kissing someone else’s forehead.
Honk!
The sidewalk had run out, leading me right into the center of the road. The forest gave way to industrial buildings. Enormous signs lined the street advertising junky fast food restaurants. I would have turned my nose up to those joints yesterday.
Perspective can change a lot throughout the course of a day.
A few raindrops dripped on my head.
The storm clouds crept in undetected. Or had I not been paying attention?
The rain would intensify soon. I needed to find a place to go inside for a few hours. Farther down the street was our local Wal-Mart. There were usually stragglers hanging outside of the big box store. Surely there was room for one more.
The greeter gave me the usual welcome.
Smells I never took time to notice before hit me like a linebacker on a dog pile. The produce section was bright and colorful. Fresh bread from subway and rotisserie chicken awakened all of my senses. Herbs and garlic created the perfect fragrance. I walked a little faster, knowing I couldn’t spend all of my money on a bag of pre-cooked chicken or a six-inch sub.
“How much money do I have?” I whispered to myself. I didn’t even know how much I threw into my backpack. Working in the coffee shop gave me some income. The tips were pretty good, even though the hourly wage was slight.
If I was going to spend money, I needed to make sure it was on something that would last. I couldn’t afford a moment of peace. I had to think long term.
If I were going to sleep in the wilderness, maybe the camping section would have a good solution.
It had a solution, alright.
The cheapest tent was thirty dollars. I doubt I had over ten, if I included the change that I stored in the bottom of the bag for the high school soda machine.
I’d always assumed that I would leave for college when the time was right. That surely my dad had a fund set-up for me somewhere, or that my sorry excuse of a mother would fund my room and board. Never in a million years did I expect to be seriously considering scraping money to buy a tent to live in.
The letter in my backpack would lessen the blow. The scholarship would cover all of my classes. It made one less thing to worry about, but there were still so many plans I didn’t make. How would I go to school if I didn’t have a place to live? I was going to need a laptop, books, a better job…
Fuck!
Forget the supply list. What the hell am I going to eat?
My stomach growled.
A display of canned, processed chicken was arranged on the end of the aisle. It didn’t have the fresh aromas from the deli or the bright colors from the produce section, but it was a protein that I could afford.
Tomorrow I could have tuna, a little variety would be nice. I chuckled.
Each aisle had more items that I never really appreciated. A bag of chips. A can of soda. Coffee.
My useless mother never went grocery shopping. At least she didn’t bitch when I used the “emergency” card to order food or stop and grab a few ingredients to whip up dinner. Too bad we kept the card clipped to the fridge. That would have been a good thing to grab.
Frozen goods filled glass cases.
Pizza.
Steaming sauce.
Stretchable cheese.
All the meats.
Ah!
