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“That’s fair. There’s a boxing ring downstairs. Why don’t you go kick the shit out of your sparring partner?”
“Tempting.” He gave a dark smile, but it quickly faded.
“You know, it’s okay to feel a hundred different emotions at once.” I stepped carefully into the true feeling he was experiencing. “You can hate Lexi while still caring deeply for her safety.”
“Good, because it sure as hell is confusing.” He looked so earnest, I wanted to hug him, but I knew that wasn’t what he needed.
“She broke your heart, Keith. She left your kids without a mother, then she was reckless with her newfound freedom. Or at least it seems that way. If she was snatched up by the Cartels, it was her own fault. I’d be pissed, too! If it wasn’t the Cartel and she just took off, it’s not only dangerous but stupid because it could lead to the same end.”
“Pissed doesn’t even begin to describe it.”
“What does?”
“I hate her,” he seethed. “I hate her so much for hurting our kids, for tearing me apart!” he yelled. “I fought hard for her—for us, and look where it got me! I don’t deserve this, and my kids sure as hell don’t either. All I ever wanted was to fight those pieces of shit in the south and be able to come back to my family. I wanted something positive to focus on, to fight for. Because if I don’t have that, then what the hell am I doing all this for?” The last word got caught in his throat as he whirled around and punched a hole straight through the office wall.
I set my iPad down slowly and moved to where he stood. Careful not to get too close, I leaned my back against the wall next to him and looked up at his heaving chest. He looked down and rubbed his fist.
“I don’t even know if I can do this, Doc,” he whispered, keeping his eyes on the damaged plaster. “I’m not even sure I want to find her.” Then he broke, because he’d just admitted one of his truths. Silent tears rolled down his cheeks as his chin fought to hold back the cry that so desperately wanted to come out. I could almost see the pain as it battled against his strength. “Fuck,” he swallowed down a sob, “what the hell does that say about me, Doc?”
“It says you’re human.” I rested a hand on his shoulder, offering him a careful touch to ground him.
“What now?” He closed his eyes as more tears flowed.
“Now, you take a moment for yourself and let that ugly shit you’re holding inside come out. Then you get back downstairs and you do your job. If Blackstone could find Savannah, you can find Lexi.” His gaze shifted to me. “You can hate her, but you know at the end of the day your children still need their mother alive. She’s still a part of them.” I knew there was still a part of Keith that cared for her, too, but fueling the fight for his kids was the best way to get him through this right now.
“Yeah,” he let out an unsteady breath, “I have to do it for them.”
“Then,” I paused to get his attention and to give him something more to fight for, “when you’re ready, and I mean after all this is done, you can go your separate ways and no guilt will rest on your conscience. You can be free to focus on what makes you and the kids happy.”
He just reached over and squeezed my arm and gave me a tight smile. I saw something shift in his expression, and the skin around his eyes relaxed a little. I knew he’d heard me.
“Thank you, Ivy.”
“Anytime, Keith, seriously.” I cocked my head toward the door for him to leave, and with a deep breath, he gathered himself and left.
Once I was alone, I let myself carry his pain for a few moments. We were taught to connect to a patient then let feeling go. But given this situation, I knew I needed to stay connected, and as I didn’t have any emotional connection to Lexi herself, I used Keith for that. I closed my eyes and felt the pain as if I were him.
Later that evening, I joined the ladies in a game of poker in one of the spare rooms downstairs. It was nice to get the scoop on what had happened in the house while I was in my office.
Apparently, Frank’s informants had gone quiet over the last while and were only now beginning to surface.
“What does Cole think?” Mia tossed down a card, and Catalina handed her another.
“He hasn’t said too much.” Savannah looked up at us. “He’s processing a lot.”
“I heard Mike on the phone as I came in earlier. He spoke with someone named Trigger.” I moved my ace of hearts to sit next to the queen in my hand and noticed everyone had gone quiet. When I looked up, they were all looking at me. “What did I say?”
“Are you sure?” Catalina glanced at Sloane then back at me.
“Yeah. I was coming inside from my run, and he was in the kitchen on his phone.”
“What did he say?” She lowered her cards.
“He asked for a favor.” I frowned, not following. “Who is this person?”
“Remember, I told you about the Devil’s Reach, the guy you haven’t met yet, helping out Keith? Trigger is the president of that motorcycle gang.”
“So, he knows a gang member? So what? I went to school with some Stripe Backs. It doesn’t mean I’m a bad person, does it?”
