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“No, you don’t.” Everything in me wanted to run, which was not at all like me. I was a stable, rational thinker, but for whatever reason, I felt like I was falling and had nothing to hold on to.
“I don’t expect you to understand this.” He reached for my arm, but I took another step back. I needed room. I couldn’t think.
“You’re right, I don’t. How can I understand you going back there to put yourself in such a dangerous situation, to find what? What could possibly be there now after all this time? Come on, Ty, think about what you’re doing!” I felt my body heat. “You could be killed! For what?”
“I just need to try.”
“Try here, stay here and work through it.” My eyes glossed over, and I fought to find my center, but it was nowhere to be found. “We have leads, things to follow here. Why go back there where you’ll be, like, a piece of meat in the middle of a pile of wild dogs? They’d like nothing more than to kill you.” I knew I sounded dramatic, but I couldn’t help it.
“Ivy—”
“How could I have been so blind?” Everything hit me then, like cold water down the back of my spine. “Jesus, it was right there in my face, but I thought maybe, just maybe, you’d forgotten it was there.”
“What?”
“Old habits die hard, right?” I swiped at my cheek.
“What on Earth are you talking about?”
“When I went looking for my shoes the other day, I saw it in your closet.” He still wasn’t following. “Your rucksack. It was packed and just waiting there for you to grab it and go. Because over there is your home, not here.” My voice cracked on the last word.
“No, it’s not like that anymore.”
“Isn’t it?” I folded my arms around myself. I felt like I might explode with all the emotion inside me.
“Hey,” he stepped toward me, and I held up a hand, “Ivy.” He pulled his chin in and looked surprised at my outburst.
“I’m sorry. I just can’t.”
“Can’t what”
“Everything is spinning, and I-I can’t. I need air.”
“Are you having a panic attack?” He tried to take my hand, but again I stepped back. “Let me help you.”
“You can’t.” I put a hand to my chest to try to stop the pain. It was like a sudden fracture to my heart. “I need to think.” I ran out of my office, down the hall, and out the front door. The frigid air crystalized in my lungs and made it hurt to breathe. I nearly knocked over Frank when he came out of nowhere.
“Ivy,” he took in my spiraling state, “are you okay?”
“No. Thanks to you,” I muttered and left him staring after me as I headed for the helicopter hanger. Not even at the worst of times with my father or when my engagement ended had I felt this disconnected and confused. I needed to be alone. I didn’t dare let anyone see me like this.
I blew through the hanger door and slammed it behind me. As I raced toward the chopper, I felt my emotions shatter. What the hell was happening to me? This wasn’t me. I climbed into the belly of the beast and curled up on one of the seats, happy to be alone. I finally let go of the sob I’d held back until now. It hurt my throat as it ripped from my core. I had never felt such intense emotion in my life.
“Ivy?” Keith’s soft voice found me, and I wanted to die of embarrassment. I’d thought everyone was down at the house. I quickly glanced back where he knelt in the body of the chopper with a wrench in his hand. He didn’t say another word, he just stood and shrugged off his coat and placed the warm jacket over my legs. He put the tool he’d been using back in the toolbox. “Misery loves company. I’d like to be there for you. I’d like to feel useful if you ever need an ear.” With that, he walked briskly toward the door, leaving me to sob for both of us.
Eric
Lexi was emotionally strung out. She’d been teary for the past few hours. I didn’t blame her, but she’d be out of this hell soon, although maybe she’d find herself in a whole new kind of hell after. I kept my back to her. I didn’t need to see her pain. I stood with my shoulder cocked against the doorframe of the patio with my hands jammed deep in my pockets as I wondered if the money had cleared yet. Rain poured down and steadily pounded against the stone railing. It made a soothing white noise.
I’d underestimated Castillo. Though he was stupid at times, he had a sixth sense when things were off. The truth was Chili and I weren’t loyal to Castillo at all. There were a lot of moving parts in my attempt to be on top, and I only hoped he wouldn’t realize I’d drop him like a rock, given the opportunity to improve my status here.
I tugged at the dress shirt and unbuttoned a few buttons, wishing I had a change of clothes. Jeans, t-shirt, and anything but fancy loafers would be nice right about now. I didn’t think to pack a bag. I should have known to expect the unexpected.
I suspected the room was bugged when I was told I’d be rooming with the girl. So, I took a page from his book and did the same. I made sure I was connected to the correct online folder, hit record on my phone, and placed it face down on the dresser. I had a habit of recording things anyway, and this was one time I wasn’t taking any chances. I must have broken her spell by moving because she cleared her throat.
“You know what hurts the most?” Lexi sniffed and blew her nose, and I finally looked at her. “Somehow you made me trust you.”
Her eyes pooled with tears, and I had to look away. For the first time since I joined the Cartel, I felt a niggle of something like guilt. Her words bothered me. I’d made sure I never promised her that she’d be all right, but earlier in the evening, I’d done just that. I’d broken my promise that she’d go back to my place with me, and it stung. Slowly, I turned and studied her. She was curled in a ball on the floor, knees to her chest, her hair wild around her face.
