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Did he have any clue how I was going to turn into an instant mush-ball?
21
Nicholas
Inever would have thought that I would be asking Lara to marry me, or any woman for that matter. A week before I got out of the military, I honestly thought that civilian life was going to be horrible. I dreaded it. When the doctor told me that I couldn't stay with my military family and finish it out, get my twenty years, I was devastated beyond belief. I didn't know what was coming next for me, and in a way I had just given up.
Lara breathed new life into me though. She made me realize that it wasn't to be the end of my life. My glory days were not behind me, but the best was yet to come. Being with Lara, feeling like we could really make a life together, that was worth more than anything else. I didn't know why I was so convinced that everything was going to work out, but I just knew that it would. Even when Lara hesitated to answer me, I knew that this was just the way that it was supposed to go. I was going to have faith in the process.
How was I supposed to pay her back, that was the real question. How the hell was I supposed to pay the woman back who gave me back my life and hope? I was just a year or two shy from 30, and I had honestly believed that the best part of my life was over. There was no way to put value on it.
“Are you going to leave me down on my knees forever?” I asked her teasingly. It was then that she had less of a shocked look on her face. I had thrown her off. She knew that I wanted to marry her, but at least she wasn't prepared for the exact moment. That's why I wanted it to be spontaneous.
“Of course.”
I repeated her one line and she agreed. Why did it feel like such a flippant answer? Obviously, it was the one that I wanted her to give me, or I wouldn't have asked, but it didn't feel as good as I thought it would. I wanted her to be completely sure of her answer, so that there would be no problems going forward. Think about it, what if she did and didn't want to go along with it? That thought made me shut my mouth.
She obviously felt good in my arms. I was still worried about how it was all going to play out. Lara had been through a lot lately. I didn't want her to give an answer because she thought she had to or something. I wasn’t quite sure what I was worrying about, just that nothing felt like it was going the way it was supposed to.
When we left the restaurant, we were both lost in our own thoughts. We were engaged now. Life was going to be so different, I could feel it. It was time to get all of our past cleaned up.
I never thought that I was telling the truth when I said I was letting it go with Jean Luc. I told her that I was going to move on, no matter how hard it was. I think a small part of me wanted that to be true, but maybe not enough. There was no way that I could let him get away with everything that he had done. I had been working with other people that were in the same prison that Jean Luc was in. I wanted to be able to get ahold of him, and I didn't want to have anything to do with him locked up for the rest of his life. I did not have the patience for him to live that long.
The problem was, all of a sudden, Lara wanted to get out of Paris, and it would be impossible to continue what I was doing in another country. It was already harder than I would have anticipated to begin with. If we took off, I was afraid that I wouldn’t get what I needed done.
The next morning, she wanted to talk about when we were leaving and in my own way, I tried to stall that conversation. Why was it so different suddenly? When running, she wanted to stay and fight, and now she didn't. It was very confusing, and I had no idea what I was supposed to think. I also didn't know how to get her to side with me and not leave her curious and asking questions. I worried about how she was going to see it.
We went back to the hotel and had a hell of a time for a while. I knew that Lara was going to have to find out eventually, but it would take time. Since we were engaged and this was the place to get a wedding dress, I took her to one of the places I heard her talk about a lot, and she was measured. A wedding dress was never made without a woman to wear it in mind. It seemed like a waste of time to go through all the work, but the process took almost a month, and I wanted that time.
Lara got lonely after a while, so her siblings came to Paris and while it was nice to see Ashley and Ashton, there was another part of me that knew I didn’t want them to be around. It was just going to be another two people that I would have to hide things from. I didn’t mind all that much, but Ashton was nosy, and he had a lot of questions.
As much as I wanted to tell him everything, I knew better. I knew that I was going to have to work something out with him. It was just that simple. He kept looking at me like the liar that I was, and I felt that deep down. I knew that there was going to be a part of me that had to hold back, but I told him about the guy and how he might get off. Ashton was alarmed, wanted to know if Lara knew, and I said that she didn’t.
“She needs to know, doesn’t she?”
I agreed but said that I had eyes on him at all times. If he got out, I would know where he was every minute of every day. I knew that it wasn’t what I wanted to be the case, but it was.
“How can you possibly be watching him?” Ashton wanted to know.
I shrugged. “I used to work for the military, you know that, Ashton. What do you think we did?”
My friend’s eyes got big, and he made me laugh. His light complexion showed his mood. It was hard for me to ignore how red he had gotten. What did he think I was talking about?
“I also want to get some designs out to some of the fashion houses while I’m here. Lara has a few dresses on display here in Paris, but she wants her name on one. I want to make that happen before we go.”
“You are amazing. I don’t know what to think of all of this. You are going to take good care of my sister, Nicholas. That’s why I always knew that I didn’t have to hate you for wanting her. I wanted to hate you, but I knew that it would work out if I backed off.”
I’d never heard Ashton talk about any of it, and I was glad that I let him speak. He had always been okay with it, but he’d never said why. I am glad that he did, because it made me realize that he had faith in me, likely more than I had in myself.
“I just want her to be happy. That’s all. She deserves to be happy.”
Ashton agreed, and the two of us ended with more understanding than when we first started out. It was clear between us again and to me that was the best way. No real truths had come out, but that was just as well. They simply didn’t see the world how it was and people like me had to protect them from the short-sightedness.
I spent the rest of my free time talking to people about Lara and her designs. Her brother helped spread the word as well. He also spent time with her to give me time to do something on my own. We had been in Paris far longer than I anticipated, but it was all going to be worth it.
Lara’s designs were actually going over well, and I had a few of the “houses” that wanted to meet with her. I thought that it was going to be the perfect way to get her back on the scene. I now knew that it was what she wanted. I was going to do everything to make that happen, though Lara wasn’t exactly ready to take the news that I had.
“What do you mean that you contacted Burdien?”
