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Over his heart.
It was thundering beneath my kiss, like it was trying to escape his ribs so I could see the honesty of it, the rawness.
The truth.
I believed him.
“Let me —”
I cut him off before he had a chance to offer whatever was about to come out of his pretty lips. Instead, my fingers found the loops of his pants and I nearly tore them down his thighs, rough enough that he let out a small gasp, fast enough that he didn’t have a chance to stop me when I dove back between his legs.
“We can do like we did before, and… oh… fuck.” The moan that tore from Clay when I flipped him over so I could lick a long, slow line up the back of his thigh was sinful, but the deep-chested whine that spilled from him when I buried my face in his ass was enough to nearly drive me wild.
I didn’t want to do what we’d done before. I wanted to completely devour him — I wanted to ruin him.
I wanted him to cry, to beg, to feel like he was burning inside the same way that I was.
Just us.
There was never going to be enough of him to touch, enough of him to taste — I would never get enough of him. I’d wanted him my entire life, even though I’d never really known who he was. Now that he was here, I wasn’t going to be able to stop. It was worth throwing away money, security, the half-safety that being a Holden brought me.
It was worth it all to have him closer.
My tongue worked, laving against his entrance until his thighs spread wider. Clay dropped his chest to the bed and offered himself to me like a feast, though I could hear him swearing up a beautiful little storm against the sheets — soft little bursts of fuck and Jayce, please that only made me want him more. When the tip of my tongue pressed against him, seeking the slightest bit of entrance, his entire body jerked, his hips snapping to roll back against the motion like he could somehow make his body give us both exactly what I wanted.
I turned my head and bit his thigh hard enough to leave a mark. His body shivered and he jerked, glancing at me over his shoulder with a face so wrecked and beautiful, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. His pupils were blown, and his pale cheeks were flushed.
“Why are you stopping?”
I licked my lips and came up on my knees, then spread his cheeks with both hands so I could glance down at what I’d done.
He was spit-slicked, but still so tight. Untouched — how had I managed to go this entire time without being inside him?
How was I going to manage it now, because I hadn’t thought ahead to bring anything as important as lube and condoms?
Clay stared at me with hot eyes while I looked down at him with a longing in my chest that I couldn’t explain, that I couldn’t deny… and I wasn’t sure if I could control.
And then, with an exasperated groan, he grabbed me by my shirt and jerked me forward. “I don’t care what you’re thinking. If you stop touching me now, I’m going to kill you, Jayce Holden.”
He sounded so serious, too. Like he’d actually do it — like I’d actually let him do it. Then again, I’d seen what he’d done to Park when he shot me.
Fuck, he’d done that because of me.
“Okay,” I murmured the word softly.
Maybe we couldn’t do everything I wanted, but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to resist touching him. I wasn’t going to be able to stop myself from watching his face while I did my best to take him apart.
My eyes glanced between us one more time before I bit my lip and crawled to the bed beside him. It only took a few seconds to completely get rid of our clothing, and he watched me with careful eyes while I did.
“What are you — oh.” Clay let out a little groan of pleasure when I flipped him over and pulled him to fit perfectly against my chest. I lined my cock up with the crack of his ass, and my hips flexed forward, helped along by the saliva I’d left behind. It wasn’t perfect, but it was friction… and besides, that wasn’t what I was really focused on — I licked my palm and slid my arms around him. Clay gasped when I took hold of his cock, and his body instantly rocked back against me when I started to stroke him in slow, deliberate movements.
It was the low whining moan that tore from his chest that let me know I was doing something right — when I twisted my hand and gave the head of his cock a gentle squeeze, he shuddered against me. Clay’s hands smoothed down his body, tickling along my wrist so he could bite his fingers into my skin. The other arm slid behind him and gripped my hips, urging me forward.
“Jayce…” He moaned my name and writhed back against me. His body worked up, like he was trying to get me inside of him, even though we both knew that wasn’t going to happen. Just the drag of my cock along his crack, teasing against his spit-slicked hole, seemed to be driving him crazy. Every thrust made him gasp, every twist of my hand made him shiver. Clay seemed like he was going to fly apart, and all I could do was focus on the feel of his heart thundering when I lowered my head and sucked on his neck.
He tasted like sweat, like want and desire. He felt like fucking silk when I thrust against him again, and after a few more minutes, I noticed the way his breathing started to change. It came faster and his hips started to dictate the rhythm of my hand. He arched into my palm with a needy desperation, and when he twisted his head and caught my lips with his, the groan that tore from his chest nearly wrecked me.
I fucked into him harder instead, letting the movement of my hips propel his body forward, putting pressure against the tight little pucker of his hole with every sliding thrust of my leaking cockhead against him.
