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“Oh?” she challenged with an arch of her eyebrow while my eyes dropped to her enticing lips as she carefully ran her tongue over them. “Why would you assume that Jesse has a pencil dick?”
“Well, I don’t. I’d peg him for more of a micro-penis type.”
“Well, that’s a given,” she smirked. “Seriously, though, I have no idea why we’re on the subject of the size of my ex’s dick and off the topic of me prematurely moving into your house. The answer is no. We’re not ready for that step just yet.”
“Listen to you, trying to put me in my place,” I said.
“No,” she licked her lips again, and now my dick was alert and awaiting the next thing she’d be wrapping her lips around. “I’m just declining your lovely invitation to move in before we really do move this relationship into a heavier place.”
“God,” I rolled my eyes, most likely drawing attention to myself that I didn’t need.
She cracked a smile, “And he’s upset with me again? His feelings are hurt?”
“His feelings don’t get hurt,” I said. “However, I see shit all the time about relationships that go virtually nowhere. It’s all over Instagram. And guess what? I’m not the asshole who is trying to do that to you.”
“Situationships?” she laughed.
“I have no idea what the fuck they’re called. It’s relationships where someone is afraid to commit—usually a dude—and the chick is left confused and heartbroken. I’m not doing that to you.”
“I get that,” she said, finding all this humorous. “However, your methods could end up hurting me, especially if it doesn’t work out, and I’m posting a room needed for rent on the hospital chat boards. Can’t we just try to work on finding a healthy place in the middle of the situationship and marriage?”
“I’m just terrified I’ll lose you somehow,” I finally stopped playing games and became serious with her.
“Then don’t screw it up, ding dong,” she teased.
“No, I’m serious, Mick,” I said, fighting the gut feeling, telling me that I should enjoy her and what we have while I can. “I can’t lose you.”
“You can’t make decisions like that based on fear, or it’ll never work,” she said, becoming more serious. “You’re acting like you did that night when you came to the hospital and talked about the whole fear of the future thing.”
“That’s exactly what this is,” I said. “I’m not fearful of you in my future; I’m fearful of you being pulled out of my future.”
“I get that,” she said. “But I don’t plan on leaving you anytime soon.”
“It’s not that,” I said. “You don’t understand.”
“Then help me understand because last I checked, we had an amazing day with everyone, came home, had mind-blowing sex, and now we’re sitting here eating air-fried food, and you look terrified.”
“I am,” I answered truthfully again. “I see those guys,” I pointed my thumb back toward the door, referring to Jim, Jake, and Collin. “They’re so happy and living fulfilled lives.”
“Are you going to propose marriage now?” she teased.
“Careful, I might,” I gave her a wink. “Anyway, they grew up kind of like I did. Hell, it’s half the reason I avoided a friendship with them all these years because I feared it would be the same bullshit that I left in New York.” She stayed quiet, so I went on. “Even though they’re extremely wealthy, they don’t let it define them.”
“I don’t see that you let it define you?”
“I don’t, but my parents do,” he said. “And they see me almost as an investment account of theirs. The guys here don’t have that problem; however, a strange fact that Jim relayed to me this afternoon assured me that I would be a fool to believe I could live the rest of my life happy and free like I’ve done all these years.”
Her face grew solemn.
“John,” she reached for my arm, running her hand over it, “before I say anything, I understand you’re a grown man living life the way you want to.”
I nodded.
“But may I ask why you seem so terrified of your parents and what they expect of you?”
“Because it’s not as easy as just controlling my own life,” I said, not sure if I should really explain how ruthless and horrible my family might become if they find out I’m in love with a woman they didn’t choose. “I know I could live comfortably in Los Angeles without my parents bankrolling anything.”
“Right?” She seemed to be struggling a bit to follow my current paranoia.
