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His quiet voice, his pretense of calm, was enough to help me center myself. I knew I could still fight if I needed to, even without my hands. I also knew, despite what common sense would dictate, that Carter wasn’t actually going to hurt me. He wasn’t going to do anything I didn’t crave, that I didn’t need.
I still trusted him more than anyone else in the world, as if that wasn’t fucked up as hell.
8
CARTER
Ihated how easily Matteo read me. He knew what I wanted. I wasn’t in charge anymore now than I’d ever been with him. He was manipulating me to get what he wanted, and I was going to give it to him. I couldn’t stay away. I couldn’t not touch him. He was right. I needed to punish him, to hurt him, but he would just enjoy it. The fucking asshole. Why hadn’t I sent someone else to question him?
Because you couldn’t. You don’t want anyone else near him. He’s yours.
But he betrayed me. He betrayed all of us.
Did he?
I gripped his ass cheeks and pulled them apart so I could see his hole. He squirmed, but he wasn’t really fighting me. I spit on him, watching my saliva run down his crack. I could fuck him like that. With nothing but my spit, shove my cock inside him and make him cry out, beg, whine.
Do it. That evil voice inside me urged.
I…. Shit. I’d tortured men, and I was sure I’d do it again. I’d told myself I was going to torture Matteo, but like always, he was trying to turn the tables on me, make me be the one who was tormented. But when I tortured someone, it was because they deserved to die. I’d thought Matteo did, but now…? Fuck. Now I was more confused than ever.
He’d been supposed to kill me in the jungle. I’d wanted to think he was too cowardly to follow through, that he hadn’t had the nerve. But what I really thought, deep inside where I held things I’d never tell anyone, was that he’d cared. He’d actually cared like I’d started too. He’d saved me when he’d told me the safest way back to headquarters.
I’d hated myself for believing that, but now I didn’t know what the hell was real and what wasn’t, except for his ass in my hands, and his body, hard and needy under me. I could have him any way I wanted to. He’d made that clear. I didn’t need to use cuffs to get that. He could fight me even with them on. We both knew it.
It was a trick, and I was going to fall for it.
I spit on him again, then used a finger to drive the wetness into his ass. He moaned when I shoved my way inside him. “God, yes, Carter. Use me.”
“You know how badly you need to be punished for what you did, don’t you?”
“Yes. I…you could have died. I…never wanted it that way.”
“Sure.”
“Carter….”
“Shut the fuck up, or I’ll gag you.” I didn’t want to though. I wanted to hear all the sounds he’d make as I fucked him. I wanted to know I was hurting him, then driving him insane with need.
He squirmed as I pulled my finger from his body. “I want more.”
I grabbed his hair and pulled until his head was off the bed at an uncomfortable angle. “You get what I give you. You have no right to ask for anything.”
He licked his lips, but he had the sense not to say anything else.
I let his head fall back onto the bed and quickly stripped. I used a hand to spread my precum around, slicking my cock with it as much as I could. When I positioned myself against his hole, Matteo groaned.
“It’s going to hurt, but you want that, don’t you? You think the pain will exonerate you.”
“No, I?—”
“Shut up.”
I drove forward. He cried out as I split him apart, and the sound was beautiful. I pulled back, then pushed hard to get inside again. His ass was so fucking tight.
“You feel that? I’m using you. It’s not so good now, is it? And you haven’t even gotten all of me yet. I’m going to fill you right up to your throat.”
“Fuck.” His voice was ragged and desperate, his body tense, and there was sweat on his brow.
