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“I didn’t either. We’ve tried to find out who is behind it, but no one knows.”
“We…?”
“My handler and me.”
“So I’m the subject of a CIA investigation.”
“No, you’re someone they don’t talk about. My handler was checking into this on his own, but it’s gotten too dangerous for him. I trusted my handler, and I still do, but he won’t take my calls anymore. No one at the agency will acknowledge that I ever worked for them. They won’t help me if the cartel comes for me.”
Carter looked up at me. “I will.”
I sucked in a breath as my heart threatened to explode out of my chest.
14
CARTER
My response to Matteo had come immediately, and I meant it.
I realized he could be lying about all of this. If no one at the CIA would back up his story, then how did I know he hadn’t actually betrayed us, and this wasn’t some ploy to get something else from me?
X would know. He said it was true. It was all true. I wasn’t being taken in again. Well, I was but… “You could have told me before now. You knew where I was.”
“Do you think I had an easy way of getting a message out of the jungle? Do you know how closely I was watched?”
“You talked with your handler just fine.”
“Getting messages through was a huge risk, and we communicated as little as possible. The last thing I was going to do was contact you and lead someone right to your door.”
Fuck. I shouldn’t be surprised. I wasn’t really, but I’d tried my best to push away thoughts of all that had happened. Not because I was afraid of retaliation, I was well positioned to handle that, but because I couldn’t think about Matteo and what he’d done. Just like now I blocked out the storm of emotion that was building inside me. He’d saved me, he’d joined the cartel, he’d had to live with what they did day-to-day because of me. Fuck, it was too much. I was going to crack under that burden. I had to focus on business.
“You think whoever came for me is going to try again?” Somehow, I kept my voice steady.
“Yes, that’s what I’m afraid of.” Matteo looked hurt. Did he expect me to cheer him on, to thank him, to fall at his feet? I considered doing all of those, but I couldn’t. I still didn’t really know what his motives were.
Yes, you do. Your heart knows. You questioned everything from the beginning. You couldn’t hate him like you should have. You knew all along that something was off.
“But you have no idea who that is?”
“Nothing more than rumors.” His voice was flat, but I could feel everything he was holding back. He was practically vibrating with anger, pain, confusion.
“What are those rumors?”
Matteo blew out a long breath. “It’s better if I learn more before I say anything.”
“Goddammit. Haven’t you seen what keeping secrets from me does?”
He sighed. “It may be your family.”
For a moment as my pulse raced and my throat seemed to close. I wished he had kept this secret. “My brother, Landon, and my father hate me, but I didn’t think…fuck.” I was spiraling. If I let myself think about my family too hard for too long, I was going to fall apart. I pushed the sickening feelings back and locked them away where they belonged. I couldn’t look at Matteo, couldn’t see the concern in his eyes. I turned to gaze out the window. “We’re going to have to pull out our best resources if we’re going up against them.”
“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”
“We have a problem, and we need to solve it.”
Matteo growled. “Carter, look at me.”
I couldn’t resist the demand. That was the thing about Matteo. I could ignore almost anyone, no matter how demanding. I’d honed that skill with Miles in high school, but I always ultimately gave in to Matteo.
