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When our eyes met, I sucked in my breath. “Don’t fucking do this,” he said.
“Do what?”
He raised a brow, but I stayed silent. He was going to have to spell it out.
“Put on that cold façade and act like none of this matters.”
“It matters. It’s life or death.”
“Damn it, Carter.”
“What do you want me to do? Yell? Cry? Be fucking irrational? I know they hate me.” Fury and sadness and all the trauma from the past demanded to be set free. It wanted to destroy me, but I could fight off the feelings that were building inside me.
“Don’t fucking act like you’re not fucking angry about this.”
“What good will anger do? Will it stop Landon and my father from wanting me dead?”
He snarled, and I could feel the storm building in him. He’d never been able to hold anything in. That was why we’d nearly been caught together so fucking many times in Colombia and why I thought he’d been able to shoot me without caring—because he wanted me and hated me all at once. How far was he going to push me now, and where would it lead?
Right where you want it to.
No. What I want is to find my enemies and end them so I can get rid of Matteo without there being a price on his head.
Matteo’s next words took me by surprise. “We haven’t talked about what happened in the jungle.”
“About you shooting me and?—”
“I could have killed you. It would have been easy.”
He was inches away from me now. His pupils were blown with whatever mix of lust and anger was spiraling through him, and his damn lips were as full as ever, as kissable, as biteable. His breathing was erratic, and I was sure if I looked down his dick would be pressed against the sweatpants he’d borrowed from me.
I wasn’t going to look, even if it killed me.
No, you’re just going to push him until he gives you no choice, until he shoves it up your ass.
I shivered at the thought.
“Cold?” Matteo asked.
“No.”
He laughed, the sound harsh and angry. “I didn’t think so.”
“Back off.”
“No.”
I’d let myself believe I was in charge, but even when he was restrained and locked in a cell, I hadn’t been, not really. I was never in control around Matteo. I might have fucked him, hurt him, but he’d wanted it. He’d wanted to be punished for what he’d done, punished for fucking saving me.
He was the one thing I’d never been able to exert my control over, not his actions, not my feelings for him, nothing. Miles was easier to order around than Matteo had ever been, and that said a lot. But I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t let him take over my senses, my judgment, my life.
What choice do you really have?
“I said you were mine back in the jungle. Do you think I’ve forgotten that?”
I scowled at him. “No one owns me. That’s the whole reason I was there to start with, to get away from controlling bastards who thought they could make me submit, make me weak.”
He cupped my face in his hands. When I tried to pull back, he just squeezed harder. “You could never be weak, Carter. I don’t want that. I never did. I want you strong, I want you issuing commands.”
