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‘I’ve got to go. I’m on earlies this week.’
Nikki shot up out of her seat. No way was she going to play gooseberry to Rik and Jess.
‘Are you going too?’ asked Rik.
She wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or hopeful.
‘Yep. I’d better. Thanks for coffee.’
‘Thanks for asking me to lunch. It was wonderful.’
She stepped away before Rik could give her a farewell hug. She couldn’t bear the thought of touching him and then him letting go. Behind him, Jess wiggled her fingers in farewell. She had clearly no intention of going anywhere but below deck.
‘See you guys,’ she sang out. There’d been no debate about her staying on. It was a fait accompli.
Oh, to have an ounce of that confidence, thought Nikki. To know that you were desired. That you didn’t have to risk rejection. She jumped onto the pontoon and was halfway along it before Woody could catch up with her.
‘You OK?’ he asked.
Did he know? Had he guessed how she felt?
‘I’m fine,’ she said, keeping her voice bright. ‘I just can’t cope with Jess in predatory mode.’
‘Poor bugger hasn’t got a chance,’ laughed Woody, and Nikki felt deflated. She’d secretly hoped she’d misread what was going on.
The moon followed her home, plump with scandal, as if eager to discuss the scenario that was unfolding, but Nikki shut the door firmly on it as soon as she got home and headed up to bed, trying not to think of Jess leaning back, her laughing eyes meeting Rik’s as he bent to kiss her for the first time.
13
Now
By early evening, Suzanne and Graham had taken the M and Ms off home for the usual Sunday evening ritual of uniforms, book bags and homework. Jess, Juno and Nikki embarked on the washing-up and didn’t allow Helen to lift a finger. When the last plate was dried and put away, and the surfaces wiped down, she pulled out her iPad.
‘Right, hive mind,’ she said. ‘I need some help.’
‘What’s this?’ Jess sat down next to her.
‘I’m …’ Helen searched for the right words. ‘Putting myself out there. I think that’s what they call it.’
‘Putting yourself out where?’ Jess frowned and looked at the screen. ‘Oh! It’s a dating site. Mum!’ She gazed at her in part-admiration, part-amazement. ‘I never thought you’d do it.’
‘I just feel as if it’s time.’
Jess looked accusingly at Nikki. ‘Did you know about this?’
‘Mum mentioned it earlier.’
Juno leaned over Jess and stared at the screen. ‘Go for it, Gran.’
‘What is this site?’ Jess was scrolling through, dubious.
‘It’s for people who’ve been bereaved. I know it’s narrowing my options but I feel more comfortable on it than on others. For now. I think. I don’t know. That’s why I need your advice.’ Helen fiddled with the three gold bangles on her left arm, which she always did when she was nervous. ‘And I need help with my profile thingy. Everything I write just sounds boring. Then if I try and spice it up, I sound like a sex maniac.’
Jess cackled. ‘It’s an art, Mum. Let’s have a look at what you’ve done so far.’
Helen scrolled through to the profile page. ‘I still don’t know if I’ll have the nerve to post it.’
Jess read it out loud:
