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Something in the tone of his voice alarmed Nikki. ‘Are you OK?’
He didn’t speak for a moment. Then he took in a deep breath. ‘I don’t know if I should be marrying her.’
‘Oh my God. Seriously?’
‘I need someone to talk to.’
Nikki hesitated. ‘You’d better come in.’
She told herself this was part of her job as the wedding planner. To calm the groom and make sure he got as far as the altar. As he stepped inside her room, she shut the door behind them.
He was here, inside her childhood bedroom, with all its personal possessions. Her unmade bed. Her clothes on the floor. Books, posters, make-up, CDs. She felt as if she was on display, as if he could now find out everything he needed to know about her.
But this wasn’t about her, she reminded herself.
‘Of course you’re nervous,’ she told him. ‘You’re bound to feel panicky just before you walk down the aisle. It’s a huge thing. Jess is nervous too, though she won’t admit it. But once you’re up there next to each other, it’ll be fine.’ She was still clutching the top of her dress and he was staring at her. ‘What?’
‘I can’t stop thinking about you.’
She froze. Had he really said that? What should she do? Laugh it off, she thought. So she tried a laugh, but it was slightly too high to sound convincing. ‘Don’t be silly.’
‘Honestly. I woke up this morning and the first person I thought of was you.’
‘Why?’ Nikki couldn’t imagine for one minute why this would be the case.
‘Because you’re kind and calm and sweet and funny and …’ He swallowed. ‘And I’m scared.’
‘You can’t do this.’ Her voice was low and level. ‘Not today. You have to be at the church in half an hour.’
‘I don’t have to be.’
How could you be thrilled and horrified in the very same moment? To want something so much but know you couldn’t have it, even though it was right there in front of you? This was awful, thought Nikki. She had to think quickly. This might be her dream come true, but it couldn’t go any further. Even though his words made her feel as if she’d been dipped in sugar crystals, she could think clearly enough to recognise that what he was suggesting was impossible. She was not going to be responsible for ruining her sister’s wedding. Her sister’s life. For all Jess’s bravado, the humiliation would kill her.
And there was the baby. If it wasn’t for the baby, then maybe. But it was there, the bump under Jess’s scarlet satin dress. A tiny creature who needed a family. A whole one, not a fractured one. She would have to put on her sensible head. Be brisk and no nonsense.
‘Well, that’s by the by because even if I am all you can think about, it’s not as if I’m interested.’ She hoped she sounded suitably priggish and off-putting. She couldn’t look at him, though. If she looked at him, she would crumble.
‘Really?’ He reached out and touched her bare arm and she jumped at his touch. ‘Look me in the eye and say that. Look me in the eye and tell me there’s not something between us.’
Why now? Why was he doing this now? It wasn’t fair, to close in on her like this on his wedding day. It took all her will to inject a cold steel into her gaze as it met his. ‘There’s nothing between us, Rik. I’m sorry if that’s what you think. I mean, I like you very much, of course. But as a—’
He took one step closer, bent his head and cut off her words by putting his mouth on hers. His hot, sweet mouth. And of course she should have pulled away. And of course she didn’t. Instead, she shut her eyes and let him kiss her, letting go of her dress and putting her hands up to his hair. And then he stopped, and rested his forehead against hers with a groan.
‘What are we going to do?’ he asked.
She tried to steady her breathing. She grabbed the top of her dress and pulled it up again. He looked as if he was going to cry, his expression full of anguish as he looked to her for answers. More steel, she thought. More iron.
‘We are going to pretend that never happened. You are going to zip up my dress and go and have a drink with my dad. And I am going to see you in church.’
How she managed to get the words out with such a firm voice she had no idea.
‘Are you sure? You could grab some things, come with me, get on the boat. We could be halfway round the coast by—’
She turned around. ‘Zip me up, would you please?’
She trembled as his hands shifted the fabric into place and he found the zip at the base of her spine. Halfway up it stuck, and she held her breath while he struggled to get it back on track. At last the zip reached the top.
‘There’s a hook and eye,’ he said. ‘Will I do that too?’
