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“I don’t know. My job isn’t going like I thought it would, my best friend stopped talking to me, and all my other friends went with her.”
“What happened with Jinny?”
Esther filled her brother in on the highlights. He listened without comment until she’d gone through the whole sorry tale.
“So, it was about a guy,” he said when she was done.
“It wasn’t about the guy, it was about trust.”
“Sounds like it was a little about the guy.”
“It doesn’t matter. The point is nobody would miss me if I moved back home.” She sounded petulant and snotty, like a child.
“So your solution is to run away from your problems?”
“Mom’s my problem too. You’re already taking on more than you can handle and you’ve got your own family to think about. I don’t.”
“That doesn’t make your life any less important than mine.”
She squeezed the phone against her ear. “Maybe a fresh start would be good for me.”
Eric made a sound in the back of his throat. “There’s no fresh start for you up here. I can handle this thing with Mom. Don’t use us as an excuse. You need to fix your own shit.”
“I can’t. I’ve tried talking to Jinny, but she won’t take my calls. I don’t know how to get her to forgive me.”
“You can’t manage people into behaving the way you want.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“That’s what you always do. That’s what got her mad at you in the first place, right?”
She hated it when her brother was right. “Tell me what I’m supposed to do, then. Because giving her space doesn’t seem to be working.”
“In all the time you guys have been friends, have you ever told her how you feel about her—how important she is to you?”
“I tell her all the time.”
“I mean literally tell her. Using actual words.” Eric knew her too well. It was annoying.
“She knows how I feel about her,” Esther said, feeling defensive.
Her brother sighed. “Look, I know you’re allergic to expressing your emotions, and I understand why—better than anyone. But sometimes people need you to actually come right out and tell them how you feel. I don’t think you realize how much distance you keep people at.”
I don’t do that, Esther wanted to protest. Not with Jinny. Not with my friends.
But maybe she did.
Her brother was right that she wasn’t big on expressing her emotions. Why talk about your feelings when you could shove them all deep down inside? Keep calm and carry on. Like Queen Elizabeth.
But that didn’t mean she was unfeeling or cold. She showed people she cared through her actions. Wasn’t that better anyway? Showing rather than telling? That’s why she was always taking care of people. She was the “mom friend.” The one who could be counted on to help you out of a jam. That wasn’t keeping people at a distance, was it?
Only…Jinny hadn’t wanted to be mothered. She got enough of that from her actual mother.
“You still there?” Eric said. “Or did you faint at the prospect of sharing your emotions?”
Esther ignored the gibe. “So, what—if I tell her I care about her she’ll magically forgive me?”
“Probably not, but you should tell her anyway. She deserves to know.”
