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If only she could believe he felt the same about her. That she’d stolen a piece of his heart the way he’d stolen a piece of hers.
But she could already feel him pulling away from her. He’d been quieter the last two days. Moodier. More distant. Not physically—if anything, his physical appetite seemed to have increased, as if he were trying to squeeze in as much sex as possible before he left. But he was more subdued. Like he was getting ready to let her go.
Just when she’d finally broken through his walls, he’d started putting them back up again.
Penny squeezed her eyes shut and tried to pretend there was nothing in the world but the two of them, together. That nothing could ever come between them. When they were together like this, she could imagine his body was telling her things his lips never would. That he was giving her everything he had, every piece of his heart, just like she’d given hers.
When he choked out her name in a rough groan, she tried to hear in it all the things she longed to hear from him but never would. The things she’d told herself she didn’t need to hear him say.
She slid her hands into his hair and pulled his lips to hers, feeling his breath hitch as he sagged against her, defenseless and contented for one perfect moment. If only she could freeze time and live inside this moment forever. Like a genie in a bottle.
If genies were real, Caleb would be Penny’s wish. He’d be all three of her wishes.
I wish I could be with him forever, she’d say. I wish we could stay together. I wish we could have our happily ever after.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Penny woke with a disoriented jolt. She reached out blindly for Caleb, but the bed beside her was cold and empty.
He’s gone.
Panic sliced through her as she struggled to push through the lingering fog of sleep. She hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye. How could this day have come so fast?
She forced her eyes open to a flood of relief when a familiar silhouette came into focus in the inky darkness by the window. He hadn’t left after all.
Yet.
But he would. Soon.
How had she gotten so accustomed to having him around that his absence from her bed was enough to wake her? How would she cope when he really was gone? She was careening toward catastrophe like a roller coaster screaming down a slope, but it was too late to turn back now. Momentum had taken over. There was no stopping it.
She spoke his name and the silhouette shifted as he turned to face her.
“I didn’t mean to wake you.” The outline of his hair stood up in tousled spikes against the blinds, as if he’d been running his hands through it.
“What’s wrong?”
“Can’t sleep.”
She held out her hand, and he came and took it, sliding into the bed beside her. His skin felt cool against hers, and she wrapped herself around him, trying to transfer her warmth to his body. “Why can’t you sleep?”
He tucked her head under his chin. When he spoke, the vibrations tickled her nose. “I don’t know.”
She could feel the lie in his tense shoulders as she ran her hands over his back. “Tell me.”
He was quiet for a long time before he answered. “Do you ever feel like you’re about make a huge mistake?”
“Only all the time.”
He nodded against her and didn’t say anything.
“Is this about med school?” she asked.
Another long pause. When he finally spoke, his voice was so quiet she could barely hear him. “I don’t want to go.”
Penny’s heart leapt into her throat. Every molecule of her body wanted to tell him to stay—to beg him, actually. But she couldn’t do that. This was his chosen career. His life. His heart’s desire. He’d worked tirelessly for years to get here, sacrificed his own happiness. She cared about him too much to let him throw it away.
Her arms tightened around him, trying to hold on to him even as her words told him to go. “It’s just nerves. It’s perfectly normal to feel that way.”
