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“No one. Anyway, I think I see them - over there,” and there they were. The moment my eyes realized what I was seeing, my blood froze. There, on the other side of the space was Amon.
He stood next to Dossidian, smiling at the most beautiful female I had ever seen. She stalked around him, her hips swaying sensually from side to side. He eyed her as she circled him. How could he not? She was everything that I would never be. Long, toned legs, perfect, unmarred olive skin that reflected the light from the fire. She exuded a confidence that I would never have. As if she loved every inch of herself and knew he would too.
I watched her reach toward him, curling her finger, inviting him to dance. I felt like I was going to be sick.
“Let’s go see if they want to dance.” Kasha suggested, but I shook my head. From where I stood, it looked like Amon already had a dance partner. And it wasn’t me.
“I’m good.” I replied. “I’m going to go see if I can find something to eat.” Kasha frowned.
“Ok, I’ll come with you.”
“No, I’m fine. I’ll meet you over there in a bit.”
Kasha pursed her lips. “Ok, full disclosure. Amon is not going to be happy if I let you wander off on your own.”
I scowled and gestured to him, as he leaned forward to say something to the female.
“Seems to me like he’s not too concerned about what I’m up to at all.”
She glanced back at Amon and Dossidian and I took the opportunity to shadow walk away.
I rematerialized back at the rooms Rhyalla had given to us for the night. I immediately regretted the decision as my feet hit the landing. I wasn’t alone.
Rycon, was sitting on the landing, booted feet hanging over the edge, smoking a cigarette. He glanced back at me and rose an eyebrow.
“I see Rhyalla got her claws into you,” he muttered. I shrugged, not really in the mood to discuss my outfit, which I now felt ridiculous in. What had I been thinking? I didn’t belong in something like this. No one wanted someone who looked like me.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. “Shouldn’t you be down at the pyre, drinking and fucking?” I tried to mock him with my tone, but my heart wasn’t in it. He shrugged.
“You would think.”
I realized that he sounded almost sad. I had never heard him sound so down before. Despite my foul mood, it caused me to pause.
“Are you… are you ok?” I asked, coming to sit next to him.
“What do you think, Kitten?” He took a deep drag from his smoke. “Everything is shit.”
“What do you mean? Rhyalla is awesome, she seems to really love K’yen. You should be happy for them.”
He snorted. “How can I be happy for them? They think I’m a joke. Honestly, I think they might be right.” Woah. I had never in my life heard Rycon speak like this. His cocky I don’t give a fuck attitude was nowhere to be found. He seemed broken.
“I thought I was doing the right thing, leaving. Maybe it was. Maybe I should just let K’yen be Rhoan.”
I frowned. “Is that what you want?”
“I don't know. I know I don't want to feel like this.” He confided. “Like every decision I make is wrong. At least when I’m on my own, my decisions only affect me.” He looked at me, his yellow eyes reflecting the light of the moon back at me.
“Look at what my stupid ass decisions did to you.” He gestured to the scars that coated my body. I knew he had said he was sorry for what he had done to me. It wasn’t until that moment that I actually believed him. He sighed and flicked the butt of his cigarette into the night, the red streak of the ember disappearing into the darkness.
“I should just yield tomorrow.”
I looked at him, really looked at him. I thought of the small child, screaming as he reached for the burning home that his parents had been locked in. I thought of young Rycon, growing up with the burden of filling his charismatic well-loved father’s shoes.
I remembered how angry I was and how broken I had been, after Clair had been killed. He had been only fourteen, when he left this place. I could understand, why he was the way he was. It had always felt that there was no room for growth with him. Until this moment, I hadn’t believed he was capable of self-reflection. Seeing him like this now, I felt a spark of hope. Maybe he could change.
“Rycon… I’m going to tell you what Meredith said to me, when she first told me I was a daemon. I had asked her if I was evil. She told me, that no one is inherently evil. We are made up of the choices we make.”
He looked at me, scowling. “You're shit at this, you know that? I just told you I make bad choices and you’re telling me that makes me a shitty person.”
