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Yep, I’m just dandy.
“I’m good, just heading to the ladies’ room.”
He looks at me, then back at his friends. I don’t want to spend my night watching SJ flirt with another woman, but I also have no right to be upset, and certainly no right to do anything about it.
“You need me?” he asks earnestly, and I instantly feel bad about how distant and closed off I’ve been since we got here. I may not be enjoying the night, but he is, and he deserves to have fun. He should be able to cut loose with his friends without worrying about me.
“I’m good. Go, have fun.” I shoo him off with a gesture of my hands, but he hesitates.
“What about your ankle? Don’t you need me?” His brows furrow in a cute little scrunch, as though he’s truly baffled as to why I’m turning down his help.
His concern pulls a genuine smile from me. “I’m okay. Look, see?” I say as I point to both my feet firmly planted on the ground. I may pay for putting too much weight on it later, but right now I’ll say just about anything I need to if I can get a moment to collect myself.
I need to go to the bathroom to get my shit together. We’re just friends. JUST FRIENDS. And I need to remember that. He can flirt with whoever he wants. He can touch whoever he wants. Even if it makes my heart plummet in my chest and my belly churn with jealousy.
It takes him a moment before he responds. His eyes trail up and down my body like he’s looking for kinks in my armor, any sign that I’m lying to him.
I give him a gentle smile and nod. “I promise.”
Only after I promise does he finally relent. “Hurry back, okay?” he says with a sigh.
I quickly turn and make my way to the bathroom, relieved he let me go but devastated at the same time. I feel so conflicted, and I don’t particularly care for it.
After having to watch the two of them interact all night, I can fully admit at this point that jealousy is indeed what I feel. It’s taken root in my stomach and is working its way through my body. An uncomfortable and foreign feeling, for sure.
I’m not the jealous type. Never have been. I’m usually secure enough in my own skin that I don’t worry about what my partner is up to. If he crosses a line, that’s on him, and I have a zero-tolerance policy. That isn’t a reflection of me, and there are plenty of fish in the sea.
This feels different though. Maybe it’s because SJ isn’t mine when I want him to be. That was another sobering realization I came to tonight. Watching him interact with another woman, jealously and longing burned hot in my veins.
I blow out a frustrated breath. Get your shit together, Nora. I reach the bathroom and quickly go in, choosing the first open stall. I squeeze into the much too small space and close the door behind me. I sit as soon as I wipe everything down, needing to get off my ankle as soon as possible. There are a few other women in here, all quietly going about their business.
So when a group of women enter the restroom moments later, the quiet bubble bursts. “Ohhh my gosh! He’s only gotten hotter with age!” one woman says.
“Girl! He sure has, and he’s been eyeing you all night!”
The other woman’s squeal pierces my eardrum, and my heartbeat kicks up out of pure instinct. My gut is churning with uneasiness. I sit and wait, listening hard because I’m pretty sure I recognize one of the voices.
“I thought he was here with that woman, Laura? Is that her name? But he doesn’t seem too interested in her.” The woman giggles.
“Nora is her name, and no, you don’t have to worry about her, honey.”
I grind my teeth. I knew I fucking recognized that voice. It’s stupid Boobles, and I scoff at her response because it’s not me this woman, who I assume is Jennifer, has to worry about. It’s the backstabbing heifer right next to her.
“He said she was just a friend, but you never know these days,” Jennifer says.
I swallow as something ugly bubbles up into my throat. I know I just said those same words to Cindy not even thirty minutes ago, but hearing it said like this feels different. It feels wrong and painful. I want to burst through these doors and stake my claim on the man who has slowly stolen my attention and affection, but I can’t.
I just fucking can’t…
I stand in that stall frozen as they continue their conversation about how hot SJ is, Cindy encouraging Jennifer to go after him. Telling her she could invite him back to her place for a nightcap. My stomach continues to churn, and reality slowly descends on me, brick by brick.
He doesn’t belong to me…
When they finally exit the bathroom, I sigh in relief and defeat. Screw this whole damn night, and screw this. I’m not going to sit here and wallow in my feelings as I watch the two of them flirt all night.
No way. No how. I stand and let myself out of the stall, hastily making my way to the sink to wash my hands, and I formulate a plan of escape. I can’t stay here and watch this, but I also don’t want to pull him away from his friends.
I pull up the Uber app on my phone and quickly request a car. I’ll go back to SJ’s parents and go to bed early. There’s no reason for me to stay. I don’t have to put myself through the torture of watching him with another woman, and this way, he doesn’t have to worry about me.
