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“We accidentally woke her up,” I explain.
I hope he isn’t as angry with me now. I know without a doubt he’s been sitting just on the other side of that front door. Whether he was calming down or stewing is still to be determined.
“What were you doing outside this time of night?” Camilla’s curiosity is piqued, and I pray with everything in me that SJ doesn’t go through all the details again.
SJ looks at me, and I plead with my eyes. A small smile tugs at his mouth.
“Just cooling off,” he answers her with no trace of anger in his tone.
Camilla furrows her brow for a moment, thankfully not pushing the issue. “Well, I’m going back to bed. I’m glad all is well. Sam, you and Nora enjoy yourselves.” She gives us a wink before standing and walking over to SJ. “I’m so glad you’re home.” She squeezes him in a hug before leaving us in the living room.
SJ looks at Sam with a grin. “Ohhh, you woke Momma up. You’re going to hear about that from Dad in the morning,” he teases.
Sam sticks her tongue out at SJ. “She told Nora and me to enjoy ourselves, not you. So, goodnight, brother.” Sam motions for SJ to leave the room.
I finish the last sips of wine and use my hands to get my leg off the coffee table. It’s tingling from falling asleep since I left it propped up too long.
“I’m going to call it a night, too,” I say as I push myself up from the sofa.
“Ugh, see, bro? We were talking, and you came in and ruined it,” Sam teases.
SJ’s eyes lock on mine with a questioning glint to them, but I don’t give away any details of what we talked about. I pray Sam won’t either because I’m not ready to admit my feelings.
Sam gathers our bowls and grabs the stem of the wineglass with her pinky finger. “We can finish this conversation tomorrow,” she tells me with a wink.
I sigh in relief, realizing she won’t tell. Thank God!
“Let me help you to bed.”
SJ walks over then takes my elbow in his hand, and I feel that familiar warmth travel up my arm. Normally, he’d scoop me up, but he makes no move to do that tonight. I guess that means he’s still upset. My eyes drop to the floor in disappointment.
I don’t have the energy to argue with him, and frankly, leaving without talking to him was wrong. I didn’t have to tell him I was jealous. I could’ve just asked to go. I let my emotions get the best of me and that could have cost us both, big time.
I allow him to help me hobble to his bedroom. Once in his room, I sit on the end of the bed, toying with my ring. I need to get this out. If I don’t, I doubt I’ll sleep a wink tonight. The guilt is already eating at me.
He turns to leave but stops when I start talking. My apology bubbles out of me in fast waves. His back is to me and stiffens more and more as he listens.
“I’m sorry I left without telling you. It could have ended much worse than it did. I’ll never do it again, I promise.” And I mean every word. However, I’m not ready to tell him why I left, and I pray to the heavens he doesn’t ask.
He takes a deep breath, turning to face me. What I see on his face has the guilt settling in deeper.
“Thank you for apologizing. I’m sorry I yelled at you. That should never happen. I pride myself on holding my composure, and I lost it. I was worried and angry. Mostly angry at myself for not doing my job, but I shouldn’t lose control the way I did. You don’t deserve that.”
“Thank you.” I say simply. His words were meant to make me feel better, but they do the exact opposite.
“Goodnight, Nora.”
He walks over and opens the bedroom door, hesitating briefly in the threshold. I wish like hell he would turn around and tell me what I so desperately want to hear from him. That he wants me just as badly as I want him. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t turn back.
“Goodnight,” I whisper, trying to hold my emotions at bay until he’s gone.
He closes the door behind him, and my heart sinks. I was right. He was upset about not doing his job. Nothing more.
I can’t fall asleep, so I do the next best thing. Text my best friend. She’ll know what to do. Maybe she can tell me how to turn my feelings off.
Me: You awake?
She’s probably fast asleep because she has five a.m. practice, but I’m hopeful I can talk to her tonight. I’m shocked when I hear the faint ding on my phone. I dive for my lit-up phone in the otherwise dark bedroom.
