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“No, I’m fine. Seriously, I’m so sorry you had to come in here,” I say, looking at her. The moon is shining through the window enough to light up the side of her face. She looks worried.

“Okay…please get me if you need me.” She starts to walk out of the door. I lay back down and turn to face away from the door. I feel my cheeks burning. I am so embarrassed. I wait for the door to close but it never does. Instead, I feel a dip in the bed and the covers pull away. I roll over to find her climbing into bed with me. “Can I stay with you?” She asks softly.

“You don’t have to…” My voice cracks a little.

“I want to. Honestly,” She insists. My chest warms, and I want to cry but I hold it in.

“I would love that.”

She lays down next to me, facing me. She curls her hands under the pillow beneath her head. She smiles at me. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Mads.” I love you so much. She closes her eyes and falls asleep pretty quickly. I watch her sleep, feeling the hope continue to grow in my heart.

TWENTY-NINE

MADELINE, THEN

It is a bittersweet departure, leaving my parents. I am going to see them for Thanksgiving in a few weeks, but I still hate goodbyes. Elliot shakes my father’s hand and hugs my mother before carrying our stuff to the car. It has been an amazing weekend.

I hug my mom tight. “Bye, Mama. I love you.”

“Bye, my girl. We love you so much.” She squeezes me. “That boy is crazy about you,” She whispers in my ear, low enough so my dad won’t hear.

I smile at her. “I know.”

“Be safe,” She keeps whispering. “With…everything,” She adds with a wink. I feel my cheeks redden.

“Mom,” I hiss.

“You’re still on birth control?” She murmurs.

“Mom, I swear to God,” I say through my teeth.

“I’m serious! Call me if you have any questions. Do you still remember our talk?” She asks with a sneaky smile.

“I’m leaving,” I groan and she chuckles. I pull away, and she winks at me. I roll my eyes and make my way to the car where Elliot is holding the door open for me.

I wave to my parents until they are out of sight. Elliot holds my hand tightly.

We make it back to campus by late evening, and we stop at his dorm before heading to my apartment for the night. He needs to grab a few things; clothes, books, and his backpack. I wait in the car for him while he goes inside. I use the time to post a picture to my social media page my mom took of Elliot and I at the pumpkin patch. It is of the two of us in front of a wooden arch decorated with fall flowers and leaves. His arm is around my shoulders, mine around his waist. I am smiling at the camera, and he is smiling at me. I caption it, ‘Who would’ve thought?’. I spend the rest of my time waiting for Elliot scrolling social media, liking and commenting on other people’s photos, and then reading through the comments people have left on my photo. The comments are mostly from high school friends that are freaking out that we are together. Most of them comment something along the lines of, ‘I KNEW IT!’ or ‘NO WAY!’. I smile at the comments, respond, and then close out of social media to scroll through the pictures we took today.

I stop on a photo of Elliot on the hayride. I snapped it just before we got off, after we finished laughing about last spring. He is smiling, his hand reaching towards the camera as he tries to swat my phone away. There is such a light in his eyes. But more than the light and peace I see in them, there is so much love. Part of me still can’t believe the love in his eyes is for me.

I know what being loved feels like. I have felt it my whole life from family and friends. But I’ve never experienced it in an intimate and passionate way before like this. But being loved by Elliot is something different. I always thought this kind of love would scare me. I remember thinking I could never be completely comfortable and completely myself around someone. Not like I am with my family, or with Ana.

But I look at this photo of Elliot, and all of the photos I’ve taken of him and of us in the short span of our romantic relationship, and I feel that comfort with him. Everyone deserves to have someone look at them like this. Everyone deserves to feel this love that allows you to be stripped down and vulnerable, but still feel seen and empowered.

That’s what Elliot’s love does to me, it makes me feel empowered. It makes me feel fearless. It makes me feel sure. I’ve never been more sure about anything. Or anyone.

Elliot comes back down less than a minute later with his stuff. He tosses his bags into the backseat before hopping in the driver’s seat. He looks at me and smiles before putting his seatbelt on. There is that look again. I can’t help but blush and smile, which makes him lean across the car to kiss me softly.

I sigh against his lips. “I love you.”

“I love you more,” He whispers with a smile.

“I don’t know about that, pal.” I shake my head and he laughs. He sits all the way back in his seat and drives us to my apartment.

He carries our stuff and I unlock the door, finding it quiet and empty. “Hm, I thought Ana would be home now.” I call her to make sure that she is okay. She answers right away, apologizing for not letting me know she isn’t coming home tonight. After I hang up I say, “Just us tonight, Ana’s not coming home.”

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