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Being an aunt might be my only chance to be around babies. I can’t help but be eager about it, but I keep my wishes to myself.
“I’m on active duty again. I signed back up so I can finish out my career and get a full retirement,” my brother explains, making my heart drop. Is he leaving again? What about Callie? Me?
“He wants to work with me, domestically.” Jesse chimes in as if he read the distress on my face.
“So, no more overseas?” I ask Jesse, directly. He told me what his job was but I never asked specifics.
“Exactly,” Nathan answers me, forcing my eyes from Jesse’s and back to him. “I’m starting with the Criminal Investigations Unit by the end of this month. I can commute to base, still do some field work, but be home every night. I’m looking forward to it.” Nathan and Callie smile at each other lovingly, making my gut twist with loneliness.
“Congratulations, man. I’m glad to have you back.” Jesse and Nathan clink bottles. “I guess I’ll have to stay around here after all.”
“Yeah, get your shit out of Texas and build a cabin up here.” Nathan’s comment lights up a question in my brain.
“You’re from Texas?” I never realized how far out of town Jesse came. Another barrier we would inevitably have to go around.
“Technically, I’m from Indiana, but once I enlisted I moved all over. Texas has been the longest, and most recent location I’ve lived in,” he explains, watching me closely. The excuses are forming in my brain, giving me more reason to fight this pull between us.
“That’s cool.” Is the only response I can formulate with my mind whirring.
“Nathan has been trying to get me to move here since the first time I visited after he built this place. I see the appeal of putting down roots here.” He looks at me pointedly.
It soothes some of my turmoil but makes my stomach tighten for different reasons. He wants to stay after his case is over.
“Roots are good, especially when you’ve never had any,” Nathan speaks directly to Jesse, an unspoken conversation happening between them.
“Yeah.” Jesse nods his head solemnly. There’s a silence that follows, but it’s not comfortable. More is being left unsaid and it plants seeds of worry in my head.
“Are we having s’mores or what?” I jump in, feeling the need to steer the conversation to safer topics when the sadness in Jesse’s eyes lingers.
Wanting to save him like he’s done for me so many times, I pass out the roasting sticks, seeing his appreciation as I hand him his.
“Thank you,” he says genuinely, his green eyes lingering on me.
He doesn’t seem to care that we’re not alone and I catch myself being the one to tear my gaze from his each time. I attempt to fight the pull between us, but I find my eyes locking with his across the fire throughout the night anyway, whether he’s the one talking or not.
The conversation among us is fueled by laughter and too many drinks, and it’s the most fun that I’ve had in a long time. Enough that Nathan wouldn’t let me drive home even if I tried, forcing me to stay for a sleepover.
“You’re no fun,” I accuse him after he quickly declines to sleep on the air mattress so Callie and I can have a girls-only slumber party in their bed.
“Yeah. Coming from the librarian,” he scoffs.
“What do you have against librarians?” Callie teases.
“He can’t read, so he knocks the whole profession,” I jab, definitely feeling a buzz. It makes Callie and Jesse both cackle with laughter, and Nathan rolls his eyes.
“Wow. I thought he only bullied me, but I see why since you two grew up together.” Jesse smiles at me directly, making my heart race against my chest.
His smiles feel like they’ve always been meant for me. They touch a place in my soul that I’ve kept buried for a long time.
“Ha. Ha. Funny.” Nathan gets up, breaking up the fire, and putting it out. “You’ve got the couch smart ass,” he says to Jesse.
“I’ve only had two beers. I can drive,” Jesse argues.
“To where? A shitty hotel. No. It’s dark, it’s hard enough to drive down the mountain during the day when you’re not used to it. You’re staying,” Nathan demands. It’s his way of voicing that he cares.
“See.” Jesse looks at me. “A bully.”
We share a laugh, but I saw the look on his face when Nathan was talking. I think my brother’s comments hit a little close to home.
