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“And nobody knows what happened?”
“Jesse won’t talk about it and Sarah has ghosted everybody from town, not that she was much of an open book before that, anyway.”
I lean on my palms, thoughts racing. I’m about to ask more when Caroline’s friend, Mia, appears. She has ice skates slung over her shoulder and her red hair pulled up in a ponytail. “Hey,” she says. “I was going to go down to the harbor and skate some. Do either of you want to join me?”
I think about the movie Jake said the guys are watching back at the cabin. Something about curling up on the couch in Jesse’s cabin while a fire roars and snow drifts down outside sounds amazing. That, and the feeling I’ve already come to love of being part of the team with the banter of the guys in the background and the feeling of camaraderie when they’re all together. I’ve had Nolan’s popcorn, too, and it’s almost enough to make me want to ask Caroline for a ride up to the cabin. But, then I think about the awkwardness between me and Jesse. Where would I sit for the movie? What would I say to him?
I make up my mind.
“Sure,” I say. “Do you happen to have any skates I can borrow, though?”
“They have a rental place down by the harbor. My feet are huge, so I doubt you’d want to use a pair of mine.”
“I’ll pass. I want to finish cleaning up here,” Caroline says.
“Oh,” I say, feeling suddenly like an asshole. Caroline is paying me after all. “I’ll finish helping you first. I just meant–”
“Go,” she says, smiling. “Have fun. It’s okay.”
I pump a fist in the air. “Whoo! I haven’t skated in so long.”
I follow after Mia, who leads the way down the hill. “Caroline told me you’re a really good skater,” I say.
She scrunches her nose and shakes her head. “I’m a has-been. But, I still love something about it. Just being on the ice is my place of peace, I guess.”
I nod. Don’t be nosy. Don’t be nosy. “So, what’s up with you and Nolan?” I ask.
Mia swallows suddenly. Then smiles. “He’s a really cool guy. Isn’t he?”
“Yep,” I say, my smile a little too big.
Mia looks at me and laughs. “I don’t know,” she finally says. There’s something reserved in her tone that tells me it would be rude to push more.
“Guys are confusing,” I say, offering her a chance to drop the topic.
“Did you skate?” she asks after a few moments.
“When I was younger. My brother was always at the ice rink and my parents were always driving us around. If I didn’t learn to skate, I would’ve been bored out of my mind. Eventually, my parents decided to get me lessons.”
“That’s really cool. I can’t wait to see your moves.”
“You can’t wait to see me shake off the cobwebs, you mean?”
We both laugh, and I’m struck once again at how bizarre it is to be here in this place.
My mind drifts back to New York. To my parents who are probably more than a little pissed with me. To Landon, who is probably wondering why I had the nerve to abandon him on our wedding day with nothing but a note. To my friends, who I’ve only just now made the smallest contact with. I think about it all and I wait for the tug of nostalgia or homesickness to come, but it never does.
I look around where I am. I turn to the left and take in the towering mountains partially obscured by falling snow. I savor the feeling of cold, wet points of snow touching my skin. I breathe in the crisp air and enjoy the crunch of our feet on the thin layer of snow covering the sidewalk.
Maybe I could stay here. Really stay here. Not just for a few months after Christmas. Maybe this could be my place. Before, I’d always just kind of been where I was. Frosty Harbor could be my place.
I know I’ll need to face my past sooner or later, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t still stay.
I go up to the rental desk and get a pair of skates, strap them on, and join Mia, who is already twirling gracefully on the ice along with half a dozen other people–mostly just a few moms and their kids.
I feel shaky on my skates at first. I didn’t realize just how long it had been.
But after a few minutes, I’m enjoying the feeling of simply moving fast with the blades of my skates biting into the ice and the way the cold wind whips at my cheeks and hair. I even pull off a few tricks, which earns happy applause from Mia, who is keeping pace with me and talking occasionally as we skate.
