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“But,” she says. “When you really care about somebody, it can be stupid to be reasonable.”
I sigh. “Care to explain?”
“Feelings aren’t reasonable. That’s kind of the whole point. It’s why you try not to make business decisions with your heart. But you make heart decisions with your heart.”
“I led with my feelings when it came to Sarah. Look where that got me.”
Caroline sets her sandwich down. “Hmm. Yeah, let’s take a look. You ended a relationship with a girl who never quite seemed right for you, spent a few months moping. Then you seemed like you were trying to learn from your failed relationship like a mature adult. Now you meet somebody new and you like her more than I’ve ever seen you like somebody. Doesn’t seem so bad to me.”
“I mean, what if leading with my feelings makes me lose Andi.”
“It sounds like leading with your brain is already losing her, isn’t it? What happens if you do the reasonable thing? She goes back to New York, right? So what do you have to lose?”
I open my mouth to argue, then hang my head and shake it. “Damn it.” I mutter.
As if on cue, Andi comes in the front of the bed and breakfast looking like she’s in a rush.
“Hey, hi,” she says to Caroline. Her eyes slide to me, but they don’t linger. “I know this is last minute and I’m really sorry, but I’m actually going to head back to New York this evening. I’m sorry I’ll miss the Frostival.”
My stomach feels like it is about to drop out of my body.
“What?” Caroline asks, mirroring the exact word that’s firing off in my brain.
“I’m sorry,” Andi says. “I just realized I’ve been running from my responsibilities here. I, um, I guess I just need to go back to reality, you know? Staying for the Frostival would make it all harder, so I’m going to make sure it’s all ready to go for you and then I’m going to head out. Since my car is completely toast, my parents agreed to drive me back. I’m sorry to leave you on short notice like this, Caroline. You’ve been amazing. I’m just going to double check the concession stand one last time because I think I may have forgotten the drink lids. And then… I think we’re going to go.”
Caroline looks at me, bulges her eyes like she’s expecting me to say something, then gestures.
Andi doesn’t notice. She grabs something from behind the desk–a set of keys I’m pretty sure goes to the concession stand down by the harbor.
“There they are,” Andi says to herself. She walks out of the bed and breakfast in a rush, never once looking my way.
I watch her go like the dumbass I am.
Once the door closes, Caroline whacks me on the back of my head. “Seriously? You couldn’t think of a single word to stop her?”
40
ANDI
Okay, it’s possible I am not feeling anywhere near as brave or confident as I’m letting on. The fact that I’m curled up in the concession stand by the harbor while I cry my eyes out may be some indication of the fact. I wipe at my face, take a shuddering breath, and blow out. “It’s going to be fine.”
I keep repeating that to myself because I think if I say it enough, maybe I’ll make it true.
“It’s going to be fine.”
I can still see the look on Jesse’s face back in the bed and breakfast. He looked like he wanted to say something to me, but what?
I try to push that question from my mind. I need to just move on like I said. This life here in Frosty harbor has been a nice little dream, but that’s all it is. This thing here is so fragile there’s no way it wouldn’t come apart sooner or later. Leaving before it shatters is the best way I can think of to protect myself. Jesse obviously doesn’t want to ask me to stay, and I have to remind myself for the thousandth time that he shouldn’t. He’d be crazy to care if I leave or go. He barely knows me.
I hear footsteps outside and pop up behind the desk of the small concession stand. I’m surprised to see Mikey standing there with Meemee and Cade at his side. “Oh, good. I thought I might find you here. Sorry, I heard–uh,” he trails off. It’s probably very obvious I was just crying. “Are you alright, Andi?”
I smile. “Allergies.” I make a dismissive gesture with my hand. “It’s all moldy back here. Caroline asked if I could try to replace the, um, moldy board.”
“She asked you to replace a board? Jesse couldn’t do it?”
I shrug. “Busy? Anyway, what’s up?”
Mikey looks like he wants to say more, but seems to pick up that I’m being evasive on purpose and doesn’t want to pry. He rubs the back of his neck. “Look, I hate to ask. But I kind of need a favor. The kids want me to bring them to the Frostival tonight but I’m going to be slammed all night. I’ve got to get Denny’s truck running by tomorrow or he’s going to miss Christmas with his folks out of town. It could be an all-nighter. I was wondering if I could drop the rugrats with you and maybe you could pass them off to Caroline or Jesse when they get here? Sorry to ask, I know–”
