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The night was easy and long. Sadie set the table, just for the two of them, and Ada realised they had never done that, they had always been three. She said so to Sadie who said, ‘I don’t know if Mel is more our child or our shared parent,’ and Ada said, ‘Come on, you and Mel are the parents together.’ And Sadie thought about it and said that all things considered that was probably the most creepy option.
They sat down to eat and the balls of dough had gone shiny and brown from their egg wash. It smelled of cold nights and Ada knew she wouldn’t make this dish in the summer. Sadie said, ‘Wow, she’s a looker,’ and Ada said that, before she served, she needed to make a perfect mouthful for Sadie. She dug a fork through one of the balls of dough and pulled up a corner of it and underneath some golden squash and caramelised red onion and finally bits of creamy greens hanging to the bottom. She blew on it and Sadie opened her mouth and Ada fed her and Sadie kept her eyes open as she chewed. She said, ‘Incredible,’ and then Ada served them both and they kept talking, they couldn’t say enough tonight.
Ada asked Sadie what the work thing she’d mentioned was and Sadie said, ‘Well yeah, I kind of wanted to have this conversation in like a formal setting so you’d know I’m serious about it,’ but she began anyway. She told Ada that a theatre company she worked with in Perth had received a grant to develop four plays over the course of the year, drawing on stories from their local community. That was the only guideline they had to stick to, it was such a broad brief that they’d never thought they’d get funding, but they had and it was happening and they wanted Sadie to be part of the development team. Ada said, ‘That sounds amazing. If the question is should you do it, then I reckon definitely yes,’ and Sadie said, ‘Oh right, no I am, I already said yes.’
She explained that they had her and another director on board, and two dramaturgs, but they needed to round out their group of actors. ‘Would you want to do that?’ Sadie asked and Ada said, ‘Hypothetically or for real?’ and Sadie said, ‘For real. Like do you want this job?’ Ada said, ‘I don’t think … you can just offer me that,’ and Sadie said she could, she had the jurisdiction and anyway she’d sent Ada’s showreel to her collaborators and they all thought she was great. She’d sent it last week, actually, and Ada wondered why she had talked to so many other people about this before Ada herself. It was like she’d settled it without her and maybe that was protective or maybe it was rude.
Ada said, ‘But I haven’t auditioned,’ and Sadie said, ‘It’s a long development process. Like fifty per cent of it is how well do people get along. And you get along with everyone! Every person you work with asks you back to work with them again. That’s a huge thing for an actor,’ and Ada said, ‘It might be because I’m cheap,’ but Sadie ignored her. She was asking Ada something real and big and Ada said, ‘And it would mean living in Perth?’ and Sadie said, ‘Don’t say it like that, Perth is good.’ She explained that the head of the theatre company had three children and kept family-friendly hours which meant they’d be full-time but done by three most days, ‘and then you’re free to do whatever.’
Ada said, ‘Why are you offering me this?’ and Sadie said, ‘What do you mean, why? You’re an actor and this is an acting job,’ and Ada said, ‘But why are you offering me this,’ and Sadie started to talk again about the good character references from other directors and Ada dropped it. If this offer was an act of desire it would not be acknowledged. And if it wasn’t an act of desire she couldn’t be sure that she wanted it.
Ada told Sadie then that Gabby was moving home, to Sydney, and Perth was in the same country as Sydney and what if that wasn’t a good idea. They had barely made it through the Florida trip without a fight. ‘I don’t want my life to be like … about Gabby again.’
‘But you wouldn’t be. Perth to Sydney is a four-hour flight. You can get to Cairo in four hours. Run into many friends from Cairo?’
Ada said, ‘How do you know how far Cairo is from London,’ and Sadie said that whenever she told British people she was Australian, they’d ask her about Sydney, so she had come up with a system of explaining the distance.
‘I didn’t think I’d have to explain it to you though.’
Ada sensed some frustration in Sadie and said, ‘Are you annoyed I didn’t say yes straight away? I live in London, it’s a huge question.’ And Sadie said, ‘Yeah but at this point, why do you live in London?’ And Ada said could she think about it and Sadie said, ‘Of course, sorry, I don’t want to rush you, it doesn’t even start until January, there’s time.’ And then she said, ‘The pay is pretty good,’ and then, ‘OK I’ll stop talking about it now.’
They drank more wine and then Sadie cut up an apple and some cheddar and they ate slices and talked. Around eleven, they decided to finish Mel’s Frangelico and Ada sent a selfie of them with it, saying ‘Sorry!’ and Mel wrote back right away, ‘You’re welcome to it! Give Sadie a hug from me. I’ll miss her!’ She showed Sadie the message and Sadie said, ‘I’ll miss her too, even if I’m annoyed at her up and moving to Bristol without warning you.’ Ada said, ‘But I should up and move to Perth?’ and Sadie said, ‘I thought we weren’t discussing that any more tonight.’
They didn’t discuss Sadie staying over either and she hadn’t brought a change of clothes but at midnight they went up to Ada’s room together. Ada held up her arms and Sadie pulled off her green jersey baby-doll dress, which had been too cheap and was already stretched out at the waist. Then Sadie stood very still and Ada unbuttoned her shirt, took it off and folded it on the window seat.
Ada stepped out of her leggings and then her underwear and Sadie stepped out of her jeans and they both removed their bras. They smiled at each other and then they went to bed. For a few minutes it was only holding and then Sadie rolled Ada over and gently pulled her up onto her hands and knees. She stood behind her and tapped her lightly and then a little harder. Ada said only, ‘Yes … please,’ and Sadie said, ‘OK.’ She pulled Ada’s hair and Ada said ‘yes’ one more time.
The next morning the sun was out and when Ada woke up, Sadie was already looking at her and smiling. She said, ‘It hasn’t been this sunny in weeks it feels like, or maybe that was just Newcastle,’ and Ada said, ‘No it’s like that everywhere, it’s October.’ Sadie went to make them coffee and Ada looked at her weather app.
When Sadie came back up, Ada was dressed in a polka-dot, one-piece swimming costume that she’d bought at a charity shop and had mostly lost its elastic. She held out her Speedo for Sadie and said, ‘You can wear this one. We’re going swimming.’ Sadie looked out the window and pointed out that it didn’t look that warm and Ada said this was the last warm day of the year, she could sense it, and they were going to the ponds. Sadie said, ‘The … ponds?’ and Ada said, ‘Don’t knock it, it’s surprisingly nice,’ and then, ‘I mean, it’s OK, we’re in the middle of London, what do you expect.’
And Sadie put on her Speedo and then chose one of Ada’s more shapeless dresses and pulled it over the top. They both put on leggings and Sadie looked like a stranger in all of her clothes. Ada packed them a bag with towels and underwear – Sadie could wear some of hers and hope they didn’t slip down – and water bottles and big jumpers for when they got out. They picked up pastries down the street and it was only 15 degrees out and at home this wouldn’t be a day for swimming but here Ada knew that it was.
They took a bus and then an Overground and on the Overground, Ada leaned her head on Sadie’s shoulder and breathed in her own smell because she was all over Sadie. They got to Hampstead Heath but it was the wrong side and Ada’s phone had trouble finding them. She explained that she’d been to the ponds a thousand times but always with someone else navigating and Sadie said, ‘It’s OK, we can just walk until we find it.’ They passed the mixed-gender ponds but decided to keep going until they found the women-only ones because Ada promised it was worth it. Ada told Sadie that the first time she’d been there, a woman in her seventies was sitting up, topless, reading Virginia Woolf. ‘I swear it’s like she was planted there, like an ad for the place,’ and Sadie said, ‘What a boss, I hope she’s there today.’ Then she said, ‘Wait, this isn’t where Virginia Woolf killed herself, right,’ and Ada said she was pretty sure that was a river, not a pond.
They finally found the private little gate that marked the entrance and opened it, heading towards the water. Ada pointed to the lawn where she liked to lie in the summer, ‘but we might be too cold for that today,’ and Sadie said, ‘Oh, you mean because it’s like ten degrees?’ and Ada said, ‘It’s at least sixteen! Balmy!’ Sadie then said, ‘You know Perth is pretty warm all the way through winter,’ and Ada said, ‘What an odd thing to share apropos of nothing,’ and Sadie said, ‘It’s just a friendly little fact.’
There were in fact a couple of women reading on the lawn in the pale sunny patches. Ada felt a kinship with these older ladies who took the time, in the middle of a weekday, to find a warm quiet spot to read in the middle of the city. These spots were hidden, in London, and she wanted to find them all. A winter scavenger hunt, then come spring she could go to a different one every day, drink in vitamin D from different directions.
Ada and Sadie passed the faded dressing room and went to the edge of the wooden dock, looking down into the still water at the reflection of the spindly bald trees overhead. A woman in her fifties in a tracksuit and a lifeguard hat came to chat to them.
‘I don’t recognise you, have you swum here before?’
‘I have,’ Ada said. ‘Heaps. Like a lot of times,’ and the lifeguard looked at Sadie. She said, ‘I haven’t but I’m a strong swimmer,’ and the lifeguard said, ‘It’s very cold in there, you two ready for that? We don’t recommend summeronly swimmers pop in once the weather turns, you need to acclimatise to it over time.’ Ada said, ‘We’ll be fine, I promise,’ and the lifeguard sighed and said, ‘Well, give me a yell if you’re not,’ in a way that suggested she’d rather let them drown but, well, she was wearing the hat.
She walked back to her chair and her newspaper and Sadie whispered to Ada, ‘How cold are we talking?’ and Ada said, ‘Oh she’s just trying to scare us, don’t worry.’ They stepped away from the water and took off their shoes, their leggings and then, egging each other on quietly so the lifeguard wouldn’t hear, their dresses. Ada said, ‘Shit, the breeze is up,’ and Sadie said, ‘Kind of worried that we haven’t even swum yet and I already feel like I’m going to die.’ But Ada took her hand and they went to the edge again.
They debated the merits of using the ladder or jumping right in and Ada said, ‘I think we should jump in anyway, maybe it’ll scare away any eels lurking nearby.’ And Sadie said, ‘I’m going to choose to believe you’re joking about eels,’ and Ada said, ‘Whatever you need to think to get in the water.’ She turned and looked at the lifeguard, who had put down her paper to watch them, and the skepticism in her face made Ada turn and jump without warning Sadie.
The water was colder by many degrees than the already chilled air and Ada sank underneath it with her eyes closed. She forced herself to stay under for a second longer and felt like her skin was trying to burn its way off her body. She had a sensation like being tickled but all over and then she broke the surface and kicked and paddled around in a circle until the water felt normal, almost. Like she could survive it if she didn’t stay still.
Sadie was still watching her from the dock and said, ‘Your face is bright red already!’ She started to climb down the ladder and dipped one toe in then said, ‘Oh god, oh no,’ and Ada said, ‘Shhhh, the scary lifeguard will hear you.’ Ada swam to the ladder and held her arms out and said, ‘Come on,’ and she had just meant for Sadie to jump in but instead Sadie pitched herself forward, into Ada’s arms. Ada half caught her, half sunk, and Sadie yelped with the cold.
Sadie said, through chattering teeth, ‘Wow, all this and eels, what a treat,’ and Ada smiled at her but her jaw was trembling too. She suggested laps and they swam a few metres to and fro and they were both laughing, the sound shaky and sparse through their panting mouths. Sadie said they should probably get out, the mean lifeguard had been right, they were summer swimmers after all. Ada swam a few metres away then called out, ‘Why do you want me to come to Perth?’ and Sadie said, ‘For the job,’ and Ada said, ‘What if I came to Perth for you?’ and Sadie said, ‘Most people would say a job is a good enough thing to move for,’ and Ada ducked under the water and swam towards Sadie, opening her eyes in the murkiness and then poking Sadie in the belly when she reached her. She heard the muffled shriek above her head and surfaced and Sadie was laughing and swimming away.
Sadie tried to get back to the ladder but Ada grabbed on to her and wrapped herself around her. Her arms went around Sadie’s back but she kept her legs free, kicking, keeping them afloat. The sun was fading into the afternoon and Sadie was shuddering but Ada held on.
