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She wouldn’t understand if I told her.
She wouldn’t see it the way I did.
None of them would.
“Having a male in my mind and wanting a mate are two different things, Anaria,” I tried to reason, but she shook her head. Mild irritation spiked my unease. “I do not see the problem in me not wanting a mate just yet. There are many more females without a mate and no one is frying them for it. It is my choice, Anaria, and I choose tonothave a mate just yet.”
The glint in her eyes faded. I might have hurt her, but I wasnotready for a mate. I shouldn’t be questioned as towhyandwhen.
I called for Keia and left the herb garden without waiting, hearing the flutter of her wings behind me.
“Do you truly mean it when you say you aren’t ready for a mate?” she asked.
I turned in time to have her land on my right shoulder. I moved my hair to my other shoulder and sighed, continuing my walk.
Keia picked on my earlobe. “You are not ready to mate, but you are ready to be impressed,” she said. “Your heart and mind are both after a certain male. That is why you don’t want any other male to impress you.”
That was not true. Just because he was showing me attention and gentle affection didn’t mean I wanted him. Or he wanted me.
He was mesmerising. He was intriguing. He was powerful and fierce, and he was a sight to look at and he wasn’tmine.
Eoncouldn’tbe mine.
And yet I still found myself smiling at the thought of him. His unique eyes that deviated from the books. His cherry-red hair and his dangerous smile. I shouldn’t be thinking about him, but I was, and I couldn’t stop, and I didn’t mind.
“I knew it from the start,” she gloated as she picked on my right earlobe again.
It’s not like that.
“Then stop smiling,” she teased, and I puffed my cheeks.
I can’t. Thinking about him creates a mess of me. But it’s wrong, Keia. He is a Spider. He is most likely toying with me.
My chest pinched and I breathed in sharply. Why did the idea of him toying with me hurt? I knew I was probably nothing but prey to him. A meal. A toy. Something to chew on or maybe even break however he wanted. I knew that, so why did it still hurt?
I could not like him. Impossible. It was wrong. We were not compatible at all and in any way.
“You remember the K-Rules the Spiders are supposedly fond of when it comes to outsiders?”
I stopped walking and squinted my eyes.Kill or Keep.
“Correct. Which one did he do to you?”
Hekeptme. He’dkeptmealive. He could have killed me for being on his land without his permission, but he kept me, and according to the books, Spiders only kept those who meant something to them.
But he did call me prey in front of those other Spiders back then.
What did I mean to him? Was I a game or a friend? If I was still a game… was he so cruel as to give me such false hope?
“Cyrva Spiders are not careful, gentle, or the slightest bit affectionate. They are most certainly not tolerant, either,” she recited one of the lessons perfectly. “If he wanted you for food, he would have killed you on the first day. If he was simply entranced by your beauty, he would have violated you and then killed you. Whatever his reasons, in the end, what would he have done to you?”
Going by the books, that logic made sense.
But he could be toying with me. He could be wanting to gain my trust only to kill me for his amusement. Even though it was different, Eon seemed to be very playful in his own way, sometimes even cheeky.
An ache bloomed beneath my skull. I shook my head and continued walking, banishing all thoughts of the Spider for now.
14
