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My eyes widened at the strange hostility in his tone, my shoulders rising defensively as my body caved inwards. I saw his hesitance at my display of fear, yet he did not yield.
“What made you go there?” The heaviness in his voice struck dread in me. My brother was always gentle and kind to me. That tone was not something I’d ever associated with his face. “What compelled you to step into the land of monsters?”
I couldn’t find the words to explain. I couldn’t simply tell him it was because I was visiting my mate because he wouldn’t understand. Spiders could never—should never—be potential mates.
Nothing I could’ve said would have made sense or eased the situation.
My silence must have irked him—I know it did—but then he was suddenly so much lighter in tone as his eyes widened, as though the blood had drained from his face to pool at his feet. There was a pause in his breaths, like he’d stopped completely.
That same look was mirrored on Ayen’s face as he, too, stared at me.
If I was scared before, I was terrified out of my skin then. Their horrified gazes had me confused until it struck me.
“You-you’re wrong!” I rushed, slapping a hand to my neck. “It’s n-not like—”
My mouth dried when he marched towards me with swift, determined strides. Ayen grabbed his arm and attempted to keep him in place, but Faelyn snatched his arm out of his friend’s hold and continued towards me until his hands were firmly gripping my upper arms; his stormy eyes held my gaze, and even as I quivered, I noticed his wrists shaking.
“How did you get those marks?!” he shouted and I flinched. His expression alone could have rivalled the face of an angered beast. “How did you even manage to escape?!”
I shook my head quickly and repeatedly until my vision blurred. “I-I swear I w-was not—”
“You were not what, huh?!” he yelled, his hands shaking me as he spoke. At that point, I was not sure if it was fury or fear in his tone. “Strangled?! Choked?! Attacked?!”
My eyes warmed and unfocused as I kept shaking my head, trembling and drawing stuttered breaths as I tried to fill in my lungs.
“How are you evenbreathingright now?!”
And I saw it then, the unfiltered terror and disbelief in his eyes, the slight crack in his voice. The shininess of his eyes was the first sign of his tears, then it was the small tremble of his lips.
A gasp escaped me when he yanked me into him and squeezed his arms around me in a crushing hold. His tense shoulders shook.
“You…” His voice broke. “Are you trying to get yourself killed, too?”
I inhaled sharply, my hands hanging limply by my sides. “Brother, p-please—”
“Why are you like that, too?” he murmured, his voice shaky and heavy as his arms curled even tighter—so tight my breath was knocked out of my lungs again. “Do you know why Amnestria died? She—she—”
I stilled in his arms.
No one ever talked about Amnestria’s death. No one talked about her anymore, ever.
“Do you know why she left us?” He sounded so far away even though he was holding me to him. “She was stubborn and stupid and rebellious and she listened to no one. She was stupid. She was so damn stupid.”
He shook his head and repeated how stupid she was, but it was all in pain. His voice shook, cracked, faltered as he mentioned her. His arms held me tighter, and I didn’t know if it was to keep me close or to steady himself when his weight leaned onto me.
In that moment, I saw my brother at his weakest—the weakest he’d ever been since her death. I wanted to comfort him, but strangely, it felt like I had no right.
I had no right but to stand where I was.
He drew back, his hands rising to clutch my upper arms. “Do you think it’s fair to throw your life away and hurt those around you just because you wanted to explore beyond your world? Tell me,” he demanded, his tone and gaze suddenly cold. “Was it worth it?”
“I…” I began before my voice cracked, my watery eyes falling to the ground instead. “You wouldn’t understand.”
He wouldn’t understand. He wouldn’t understand if I told him I’d found someone who would do whatever possible to have me by their side. He wouldn’t understand because my joy came in the form of the enemy.
How could I show him my new world when he was so against it? How could I tell him about my future when he wouldn’t accept it?
“When I tell you this, know that it is not for you but for me.”
