AllFreeNovel
Share Us
But I don't have time to sit here and be angry, I can't let him see me in pain. That'll only give him more power over me or maybe he'll pity me because he feels bad, and I don't want that either.
So, I paint a fake smile on my face and feign aloof, laughing at his assumption which wasn't at all an assumption.
“I was just gonna hug you, silly. I’m going to miss you, that’s all I was trying to say.” I reach for him, hating the way it feels this time, like I've been dragged through the mud but then given only a raggedy towel to clean off with.
I don't know how else to describe it as he reaches his hands around to my back. His touch doesn't feel like it did a moment ago and I honestly loathe it.
I was so close to telling him my feelings and he did exactly what I feared he would, rejected me. Denied me.
I feel so defeated. I don't know if I'll even be able to build up that kind of courage or confidence again, for anything, without feeling like I'm out of line or like my feelings aren't valid.
“I’m gonna miss you too, Holli," he whispers, and I bite the inside of my cheek—drawing a taste of copper—just to prevent myself from crying.
We let go of the embrace just as someone swings the door open, and I hope to God that my face doesn't totally give away my disappointment. But Jae is staring me down and I know she can see it, the heartbreak.
“Promise we’ll stay in contact while I’m away?” I look down to see that Jax and I are holding hands, and I hate knowing what that feels like, because I've dreamt of it for a while. Now it just feels tainted.
“I promise,” I say. But little does he know, it will be the first promise I break.
Because I never want to see him again.
fourteen
Hollis
I’mataloss.I don’t know what I’m going to do. About Jax or Liam or anything for that matter.
It’s been three days since Jax stormed into my job and kissed me. Okay, it didn’t happen exactly like that. But it’s a kiss that hasn’t left my skin or my mind.
It’s ironic how the whole reason why I wanted nothing to do with him is partly because he denied me of my own kiss all those years ago, yet he can just force one on me without a single word.
I didn’t hate it. In fact, I wanted more. But the logic that bubbled inside of me took over the part that screamed to keep kissing Jax, because I knew it was wrong and it honestly wasn’t fair to anyone.
And whydidhe kiss me? I guess that’s the real question. I mean, he never once expressed his likeness for me in any way other than friendship.So why the hell did he kiss me?
I’m glad I have a job to keep myself distracted and occupied or else I’d probably drive myself crazy overthinking the situation. But really, what is there to overthink?He fucking kissed me.
I’ll be honest, I’ve been thinking about the kiss with Jax more than the picture of Liam and the other girl that burns a hole in my iPhone.
I haven’t spoken to Liam about it yet, but earlier today I asked him to meet me. I don’t even know if he knows that I know, and I’m not sure what he’ll have to say. But I know that I can’t let it get swept under the rug and even though I’m not as angry as anyone would expect I’d be, it’s still not okay for him to do what he did. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t need to answer for his mistakes.
I’ve been so busy with work and helping my parents plan the party my mom is throwing for my dad’s promotion, but now that I have a free moment to really dive into everything, it’s what I intend to do.
Part of me wants to hear him out and maybe see if we can move past this. The other part of me wants to end it because I know that if I don’t feel the same about him as he does me by now, I probably won’t get there anytime soon and it’s a waste of everyone’s time quite frankly.
I also noticed how unhappy he’s been, well before this incident and I think it’s only fair that we give each other what we both want.
I get a text message from him right as I finish tying up my hair into a messy bun.
I’m here.
So I pull on my shoes and head out the front door.
I walk down the front steps of my house and down the driveway to meet him at his car.
“Hey.” He smiles at me, and I give him the same back. Though I don’t feel like either of our smiles is warranted.
“Did you wanna go somewhere and talk or did you want to stay here?” he asks, and I can tell by the way his tone is an octave lower than normal that he knows exactly what this conversation is going to be about.
