Page 51 of Lone Hearts


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Twenty-Two

Sage

“So,before we get to talking about the upcoming promos and finishing touches on the line and all of that, I have some news,” Harper says, her smile spreading on her face as she warms her hands on her cup of tea.

We’re out for breakfast this morning, and even though I’ve barely slept in days with the stress of the upcoming line weighing me down, I feel lighter looking at Harper. I’ve noticed she’s been beaming lately. I assumed it was just because Brad has been keeping her busy and glowing, but now, I step back and realize something else is at play.

“Okay,” I say, wanting to let her savor this moment. I can tell her announcement is going to be big.

“We’re postponing the wedding.”

I blink, not sure if I’ve heard my friend right. I even lean in, as if getting closer to her will verify that I’ve misunderstood the already-spoken sentiment.

“Wait, what?”

“The wedding. It’s postponed.”

I study her smile, still not comprehending. This was just about the last thing on my mind.

“And you’re happy about this?”

“Sort of,” she says. “I mean, I was looking forward to all of the stuff we had planned, but it will just come later than we thought.”

“Okay. Should I be worried?” I ask, sipping my coffee now, wondering if my sleep deprivation is finally catching up.

“Well, no. I don’t think so. Um, here’s the thing.”

There is an epic pause, the kind right before something life changing spews from someone’s mouth.

“I’m pregnant.”

And with two words, her smile erupts into contagious laughter. I set down my cup, abandoning the caffeine for the surge I get from Harper’s joy. We hug in the middle of the café, people looking, but I don’t care.

“Harper, congratulations. I can’t believe it. I thought you’ve been glowing, but I just thought it was a whole lot of sex.”

“Well, it kind of was. But yeah, we’re expecting. And my due date is right around the wedding. So we thought why rush it, you know? We can just have the wedding a year later or something. I don’t know. We’ll figure it out. It doesn’t even matter now, you know?”

We take our seats, and I watch Harper animatedly talk about what a surprise it was but how happy it made her. She talks about how she didn’t think she wanted kids until she saw that positive pregnancy test, and how even though this changes everything, she’s so excited.

“I’m happy for you,” I say, nodding. Studying Harper, I recognize a joy that has felt so distant to me for most of my life. The joy of unconditional connection with another, the joy of knowing your life isn’t just about you anymore.

A joy that suddenly makes me feel a little bit sad for my own state of affairs.

I shove it down, though, knowing this moment is Harper’s. We spend the morning talking about nurseries and names and pregnancy tips instead of the Evermore release—and I couldn’t be happier.

When we part ways and I head back to my home, ready to tackle some of the marketing and final details on my own, giving Harper the rest of the day off to celebrate, I try to shove aside the melancholy that’s settling in.

What’s wrong with me? I’ve never been like this before. Never been jealous of others who have the traditional life, the life I claim not to want.

But as I step inside my empty condo, the only sound the meowing of my cats, I study the lifeless walls, the pictureless mantle, and I wonder if I’ve made the right decision at all.

And most of all, later on when I’m sitting on my balcony alone with my thoughts, I think about the horrible moments that changed my life path, that made me the Sage I am today, and that made me the woman who rejected traditional love in all senses of the word.

I wonder as I sip my lemonade, cracking my flip flop against my heel, if things could’ve been different for me if that one moment just hadn’t happened.

* * *

“Who’s Sheila?” I ask Mom pointedly as she’s sipping wine and pulling the pasta dinners from the bag. Dad’s on a business trip, and I’m grounded after a minor transgression with my phone and a boy named Steven—long story. At the name, I think Mom’s going to spit out her wine. Her eyes widen, and she stares at me as if I’ve just summoned a demon.

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