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Thirty
Cash
“Areyou sure it’s okay? Are you sure you don’t need me to come home?” I ask again, afraid that Mama is lying. I listen carefully to every lilt in her voice, trying to discern whether or not she’s telling the truth. I’ve gotten pretty good at detecting lies, thanks to the whole lawyer job and all.
“I’m sure, Cash. He’s just taking some time off. Doctor’s orders. He just needs to relax a little bit. We’re fine. We have the two new interns. It’ll be good to give them experience.”
When I called to check in at home and find out how the firm is doing without me, I didn’t expect this. I didn’t expect to hear that Dad had a health scare and that he’s taking time off from the firm. I panicked, instantly. How would they keep it going? Maybe I needed to get home.
But Mama reassured me it was fine, and that they would hold down the fort until I got back. I sighed in relief.
It was a conundrum, in reality. I missed the firm, the hustle and bustle and the confidence I had in my work. I was a way better lawyer than a landlord, and I wasn’t afraid to admit it. Fixing broken pipes and dealing with late rent wasn’t nearly as satisfying as being in the courtroom.
But there was one thing being a landlord touted that Texas and the family business couldn’t—and I was enjoying every single waking second with her. Still, I had been crushing a rising fear in the past few days, and Dad’s health scare wasn’t helping.
What would happen at the end of summer? What would happen to us?
A part of me wished I could be like Levi, happy to start over in Ocean City, happy to stay. But that was him, not me. I have a career. I’m needed at home to help with the firm. I can’t just abandon that for a sexy girl who may or may not be completely stealing all the parts of my heart.
Can I?
I shove the thought aside, heading into the shelter. It’s a rare morning I’m not with Sage. I had stepped out to get some work done at the office before our volunteer hours. As I drive the few miles to the shelter, though, I can’t help but thinking about what we’re going to do when summer ends—and how goodbye is going to feel
* * *
I putBobo back in his cage. Those brown eyes get to me every time. It kills me to say no to him every Sunday. So many times, I thought about just trying him out, seeing if Killer could accept him. After all, attitudes change. Look at me and Sage.
I head over to the cat room, sitting beside Sage as she pets a new intake, Marlo. We talk and laugh about his antics when Janice pops her head in.
“You two look mighty cozy,” Janice says, winking.
“Oh, no, we’re not….” Sage begins, but then she stops herself. It’s like an automatic reaction. She turns to me apologetically, but I squeeze her shoulder in reassurance. “Well, we are. It’s complicated…. It’s….”
“Isn’t it always, honey?” Janice says, smirking and chuckling as she walks away.
“No, it’s not complicated,” Sage whispers, leaning in to kiss my cheek before reaching out to pet Marlo. “Not anymore.”
I watch her care for the cat, think about her words, and think about how crazy it is that Ocean City, that this girl, has changed my heart in such a short time.
We have a good rest of our day. When we leave, I make our usual stop. The tar-like coffee hasn’t grown on us much, but I guess the tradition has. The Coffee Hole has a table waiting for us. In truth, no one else ever visits, so it’s not really an achievement that we find a spot. We settle in and chat about our morning, about the new cats, and about the dog who got adopted. I brave a sip of the tepid beverage before I speak up.
“I’m going to miss working here. I mean, we have nice shelters back in Texas, but this one is just so sweet.” I squeeze her hand across the table, thinking about how hard it’s going to be when I have to fly back. Maybe I could take Bobo with me. Maybe Mama and Dad could use a new dog. I’m tossed out of my thoughts, though, by Sage’s panicked words.
“What do you mean?” she asks, staring at me.
I set my coffee down. “I mean when I go back at the end of the summer. I’ve got my job, my place back home. I’ve already talked to Levi about bowing out sometime at the end of August. I feel bad leaving him with such a mess, but what can I do? I told him I wasn’t cut out for the job.” I wait for Sage to laugh about all that I’ve messed up at the apartments, but she doesn’t.
She blinks. “So you’re going back?”
Now I’m the one who is confused. I thought she knew this. “Well, yeah, Sage. This was always just a summer thing. I have to get back to my career, to my place back home.”
“I see,” she says, but clearly she doesn’t. Tension becomes palpable.
“Sage, look, I know we’ve turned a corner. We started out the summer as two players playing a hand of love. And it’s been amazing. It really has. But we never expected any of this. I can’t just walk away from my career. This isn’t home for me. I have to go back. My parents need me back at the firm.” I think about Daddy, having a health scare and an anxiety attack. I think about Mama trying to juggle it all.
“And so that’s it? What about us?”
“Well, I’m sure we can figure it out. We’ll figure it out.”
“I see.” She glares at me for a long time.
I sigh. This is why we shouldn’t have crossed that line. This is why we should have kept things free and fun. Because looking across the table at her, it almost kills me. It destroys me to see her breaking inside. It destroys me to think of saying goodbye. It kills me that this has gotten so complicated, and that even when two players commit to something real, it can’t work out. Maybe we were fucking fools to think it would ever work out.
There’s an icy silence between us before she finally stands.
“You know what, it doesn’t matter. This doesn’t matter.”
And with the words out that can’t be taken back, Sage stomps across the Coffee Hole, stomps on our progress we made, and slams the door on more than just a dilapidated coffee spot.
