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Thirty-One
Sage
“Room service,here. I’ve got all the essentials.” Her perky voice echoes through the entranceway to the condo. I hear Monticello and Barcelona’s cacophony of cries rush towards the door to greet Harper. I don’t move from my spot on the couch.
I hate that he’s done this to me. Dammit. Dammit love and Cash Creed and my own stupidity. What the hell was I thinking? I’ve been burned before. I’ve always known love doesn’t work. Why had I let myself get wrapped up in the damn fantasy? I was a fool. A fool who deserves to die lonely and miserable in this tiny apartment surrounded by cats, wearing crusty sweatpants and three-day-old hair.
Harper rushes into the living room. She startles at the sight. “Damn girl, I knew you needed some time alone. But have you moved from that sofa? My goodness. I love you, and you always look amazing, but geez. I didn’t realize the state of things had reached this point.”
I look up at her. “I’m fine.”
Harper raises an eyebrow. “Don’t lie to me.”
I sigh. “Look, I’m fine. I just… I’m pissed. Pissed that I let everyone convince me this whole love thing was going to work.”
“Damn. Love. I haven’t heard you throw that word around since… well, ever.” Harper sits on the sofa by me, leaning in for a hug. “I brought you some wine and some ice cream. But I don’t know. We might need something stronger.”
Tears start to fall, and I hate myself for it.
“Hey, come on. It’s going to be okay. Talk to me. Let’s figure this out.”
“There’s nothing to figure out, Harper. I let my guard down like an idiot. I fell for him. And now he’s leaving like none of it mattered.”
“Well, you knew he wasn’t staying forever, right? He has his job to think about. Imagine if roles were reversed.”
I hate that this had made sense. I hate that I had opened my heart, and now the fairy tale is crashing down. Why couldn’t it work out like the movies? Cash, giving up his life in Texas to be with me. Isn’t that how it was supposed to work out? Doesn’t love conquer all?
And is that what this is? Love? How dumb was I, how weak, throwing that word around?
I swipe at my tears. “I’m fine. I’ve cried it out of my system, cried him out of my system. We’ve got the new line to think about. I’m ready to get back to work.” I stand from the couch, but Harper pulls my arm and yanks me back down.
“Stop it. Stop it right now. I know you can’t just shove him aside that easily. I know how he made you feel. Sage, I know he hasn’t been around for long. But you were different when he was in your life. A good different. These past few weeks, I’ve seen a more vivacious, more dedicated, happier woman than I’ve ever seen. Don’t let that go just because you’re scared now.”
“I’m not scared, Harper. I’m being realistic.” Monticello jumps on the couch, and I stroke the cat, thinking about everything that’s danced in my head for days. Thinking about all the missed calls and knocks at the door I’ve ignored.
“Realistic? Since when are you realistic? Think about Evermore. Everyone told you to be realistic, and what did you do? You went full charge, said screw the doubters, and look what you’ve built. You’ve never prided yourself on a cautious life. Why are you changing your ways now? Why are you afraid to give it a chance?”
“With him in Texas? Harper, he’s a player. So am I, quite frankly. Do you really think we’re going to be able to stay committed, to make it work, with so much distance between us?”
“What’s the alternative? To cry yourself into a coma in your condo and then pretend like none of it happened? It seems to me like you don’t have a choice but to give it a try, really.”
I sigh. How would it work? This is new territory, something I don’t want to face.
“I’m fine, Harper. I don’t need him. I’m fine without him.”
I stand and head to the kitchen to get some coffee.
“Now let’s talk about the design plans for the next launch,” I say, shoving all thoughts of Cash aside. I’ve had my fun, entertained the idea that my heart could settle down. But that’s over now. I’ll be fine without Cash or love or any of those other stupid sentiments everyone thought I needed.
I’ll be fine on my own, just like I’ve always been.
At least that’s what I tell myself as I work away the day and climb into the cold sheets at night, praying that sleep will come quickly and that the tears will fade with time.
