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You’re an asshole.
Leo 7:24 PM
You spoil me with your flattery
Piper 7:32 PM
You marked me.
Leo 7:33 PM
You mean the mark of the devil? You got that on your own
Piper 7:52 PM
You sat 1 ft away from me for 3 hrs and failed to mention the giant hickey on my neck. I know you like to suck the life out of things, but there’s no need to take it out on me.
Leo 7:53 PM
You said nothing happened, therefore, by your own account, I didn’t do anything. I hope you find the real culprit. I bet he’s fantastic in the sack.
Piper 8:48 PM
Eh, he was alright. He spent most of his time begging, poor thing.
Whenever Leo spent time with his family, he could expect a rapid fire of invasive questions. His first two nights in the house, with only his parents and grandmother around, he was the focus of everyone’s attention and had to sneak away repeatedly to respond to Piper’s texts so no one would read over his shoulder. He had already answered a series of questions about the drive down from his family, giving placating answers in order to avoid what felt like a giant glowing arrow above his head that read “I had sex.” And, sure, he might have been a bit of an asshole for giving Piper her own glowing sign on the side of her neck, but her reaction was worth it. Besides, even though Piper hadn’t given him a matching hickey, his grandmother had been staring at him since he had arrived like she knew, and the woman looked even more terrifying with her silk headscarf covering her bald head. Leo had gotten most of his looks from his parents, but his attitude was straight from Abuelita. It was a shame that the breast cancer hadn’t run screaming from her body yet, but he figured she must be close to scaring it off if she was able to immediately scare Leo with a single look.
When Thanksgiving finally rolled around, Leo’s sister, his brothers and their wives, and the lone grandbaby were around to help field the brunt of the questions. He could finally take a small breather from his mother constantly telling him how wonderful Piper was for driving him down.
“Antonio, ¿y por qué no esta tomando Saanvi?” Lucia, Leo’s formidable mamá, was already starting off strong the second they sat down at their table full of food. “Saanvi, please tell me it’s because you’re pregnant. Necesito más nietos.” Leo’s brother and his wife Saanvi’s firstborn was in Mariana’s lap chewing on a spoon, barely one year old, and Leo’s mother was already demanding more babies.
“Mamá,” Antonio scolded. “Can’t we just relax with the one kid for now?”
“Relax? What’s that like?” Saanvi scoffed and pointed to her spawn. “That one doesn’t know what relaxing is. And I’m not drinking the wine because I have a headache.” Saanvi didn’t speak Spanish, but since marrying Antonio, she was starting to pick up a lot from being around his family’s special brand of Spanglish.
“You know,” Lucia elongated the last word in a way that hinted she was about to say something probing. Leo waited for the punchline. “I used to get headaches all the time when I was pregnant with Antonio, Marcos, Alvaro, and Leonardo. Maybe you are pregnant with a boy?” Leo chuckled and shook his head. “What are you laughing at, mijo? You think it’s funny that you gave me pains?”
“No, mamá, lo siento.” Leo sighed and admitted defeat immediately, as if he had any control over what the fetus version of himself had done in the womb.
“Ooo, Leo’s in trouble!” Alvaro called out. Alvaro was a year older than him, but Leo always maintained that he was more mature than his brother.
“You gave me pains, too, Alvaro.” Lucia pointed at Alvaro and then at the last remaining son at the table, who was too busy making eyes at his wife to pay attention. “Marcos gave me the most pain, though. I thought we were going to have to get the priest when you came out.” The fact that Leo’s parents hadn’t been to a sermon or a midnight mass in at least fifteen years made no difference. If any of them ever did something wrong growing up, his mother always threatened to call the priest from Our Lady of the Mountain to come down and exorcize the devil from them.
“You still might have to call him.” Harper, Marcos’ wife, grinned from her place beside her husband. “He gives me headaches all the time.”
“Maybe you’re just dehydrated.” Marcos gave Harper a playful shove with his shoulder.
“I’ve had lots of fluids today, actually.” Harper lifted a prideful finger.
“Coffee does not count, mi amor.” Marcos laughed and swept a strand of hair out of her face. The newlyweds that they were, Marcos and Harper always had some sort of physical contact going on. One time, Leo had accidentally walked in on them heavily making out in a back room, so he didn’t want to know where their hands were under the table.
“I say it counts,” Saanvi decided. Both of Leo’s sisters-in-law fit right in with the Diaz family. It made sense considering Saanvi and Harper had been best friends long before either of them had gotten married. Leo’s oldest brothers were happily coupled up, while Alvaro stayed vehemently single and seemed to not give two shakes about marriage at all. There was a bit of pressure on Leo’s end to get it right when he eventually did marry. Growing up a Diaz meant it was ingrained in him to start a family. While it might be annoying to some, he had always loved the prospect. His family, though chaotic, were his people, and he had always wanted to add a wife and kids into the fold. It was why Alejandro Moreno was his idol. The man had it all: a career, a love life, and now a third kid on the way. Moreno’s life proved that Leo could also have it all if he tried hard enough.
“Leo, when are you getting a girlfriend?” Mariana asked from her seat. His sister knew exactly what she was doing when she asked the question, because all eyes immediately trained on him.
Leo opened his mouth to respond and was cut off by Abuelita. “That girl you drove down here with es muy bonita, no?”
Leo held back a groan of annoyance. He could barely even get a word in with his family. By the time he’d backed them down from this particular ledge, there would be a wedding date waiting for him with half the linens picked out. He was still trying to figure out a way to deny that he wanted to date Piper without altogether disagreeing with his grandmother’s obvious observation that Piper was attractive when Mariana butted in again.
