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“Don’t get all mushy on me now, Shaw.” I salute him because I will always see him as my superior.
“Never. I could never tell you that when I was your boss because I didn’t have favorites.” He winks at me. “But now you’re mine. I don’t need to hide my feelings. And I couldn’t be prouder of you. You are a superhero. You’re my hero. Someone I look up to. Someone I want to be when I grow up.” We both laugh. “But most importantly, you’re someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
“Ditto.”
Clay takes out a box from his pocket and gets down on one knee. He holds the box in front of me with one hand and rests his other hand over mine that’s grasping my walking aid.
“Shay. Will you do me the greatest honor of being my wife?”
The room is silent. I don’t look away from the box. The most beautifully crafted diamond is glistening back at me, tempting me.
“Shay?” Clay asks, and it snaps me back to here and now. “What do you say? Will you be my wife?”
I nod. “I will. But I want you to ask me when we come home tonight. I don’t want you asking me now because you think that something might happen at the ceremony. Please, keep it for tonight when we’re home, settled, and celebrating a good day. We can finish off our story on a happy note.”
I can see the disappointment in Clay’s eyes, but if he loves me, he’ll know why I’m putting it off for a few hours. Anything could happen between now and then, but our love for one another will never change.
“Okay.” Clay snaps the box shut, puts it in his pocket, and stands up. “Let’s get this show on the road.”
Everyone starts moving again, and I feel like a bitch for making Clay so unhappy. I walk, or rather stumble, a few feet forward and Clay puts his hand on my chest to stop me.
“Straighten up. You’re being a slouch and it’s knocking you off balance.”
I smile at him. He’s heard Chris saying that a lot over the last few days.
“He beat me to it.” Chris shrugs and leaves Clay’s house without a backward glance. I’m in good hands with Clay. We walk out of the house and down the couple of steps up to Clay’s porch. I hate stairs of any kind now, but I’m glad to reach the flat ground in one piece.
“Clay.” He turns and looks down at me. “I do love you.”
He smiles. “I know.” He nods several times. “Come on. You don’t want to be late.”
With help from Clay, I climb into the back seat of Caleb’s SUV. It’s easier because of the height. I’m kind of glad these guys don’t like small, sporty cars. I couldn’t really see Chris sitting inside a Lamborghini.
I take in a deep breath as Clay joins me. He reaches over and takes my hand in his. I relish the comfort. It’s at moments like this that I overthink things. I think about the worst possible scenario and let it play out in my head. I hate it. I hate it all. I’ve always been known for my impulsivity. I never thought about things, I just jumped in headfirst and suffered the consequences after, but right now, I’m thinking all kinds of things. Should I be going here today? Should I have listened to Clay? What happens if I was wrong and they were right?
I lean my head back against the headrest and close my eyes. I need to stop this insane behavior. I need to get a grip of myself and act like a normal human being.
“You okay?” asks Clay.
“Yeah.” I nod.
I only have one word. I can’t think about stringing sentences together until I get my nerves in check.
Caleb drives and the whole car is silent. Silence should be peaceful. Relaxing. It’s anything but. I can’t wait until the car stops and I can get out. The small space is making me anxious. Being locked up, listening to nothing, it affects you in ways you didn’t think possible. Now, any silence or confined space drives me crazy.
We pull into the parking lot about thirty minutes later. I’ve blocked out any conversations on the journey. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m going into this ceremony blind. Maybe that’s for the best.
“Shay.” Clay squeezes my arm.
I look up to see him twisted in his seat, trying to get my attention. I wipe my brow where sweat has gathered and take in a deep breath.
“Sorry, what?”
“Take a breath, babe. You don’t have to do this. Caleb can turn around and we can go back to the compound.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I’m good.” I don’t know if I’m trying to convince myself or Clay, but I shake my head and push myself forward. “I’m good.”
I have my family here. Nothing can go wrong. I won’t let it.
