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Suddenly, I feel a pop. Drew looks from me to the ground and back again. His confusion is evident with the frown lines around his face.
“No,” I cry out.
My hand shoots up to protect my stomach, but if what is happening now is my waters breaking, then my hand isn’t going to do anything to protect my baby. My daughter.
“It’s okay. Don’t panic. We’ll get you to the hospital. Everything will be okay. I...”
“Don’t, Drew.” Tears roll down my cheeks.
I know he was going to promise me that everything will be okay, but he can’t promise me that... not now. No one can.
***
It feels like we’ve been sitting in this hospital room for hours, but in reality, it’s only been forty minutes. The doctor was called away to an emergency.
“Isn’t this an emergency?” Drew asks the midwife.
“It is, but unfortunately, at the weekend, we only have a skeleton staff on shift.”
Drew’s foot is tapping, and his arms are folding and unfolding. He doesn’t know what to do with himself, and I don’t know what to do to help him. I feel numb. I can’t wrap my head around what’s happening to me. I have a million questions, but I don’t know how to comprehend them.
The door swings open, and a man wearing scrubs walks in. “Good afternoon,” he says in a singsong voice. I’m guessing this is the doctor. He’s too cheery for my liking. Here I am, feeling like my world is falling apart, and he sounds like he’s high on laughing gas.
“So, why don’t you tell me what has been happening...” He looks down at the iPad in his hand. “Harper.”
I can’t form words. I feel like I’m stuck in a nightmare. I can’t focus on anything, and the sound of the doctor’s voice is making it worse. Drew clearly figures that out, squeezes my hand, and says, “We think her waters have broken. She’s only twenty-one weeks. This can’t happen so soon, can it?”
The doctor nods and puts down the iPad. “Unfortunately, yes it can. However, for a healthy, young woman it is very unlikely.”
“What other explanation can there be for a gush of water?” asks Drew.
“Pressure on the bladder...”
“I did not pee myself.” I find my voice. “My waters have broken. Now, I need to know what you’re going to do about it.”
Drew squeezes my hand and rubs his other hand down my arm. “It's okay, sweetheart. Breathe.”
“First, if it’s okay with you, I’m going to do an internal examination. Then we’ll do a scan. Then we’ll take it from there. I’m not going to think about worst case scenarios until we know for sure what we’re dealing with. And right now, until I see that your waters have broken, then I’m going to assume it isn’t that.”
My dislike for the doctor suddenly turns to hate and frustration. I hate that he’s talking down to me like he thinks I’ve just overindulged in water and wet myself. Does he think I’m stupid? I want to scream at him, but instead, I take in a deep breath and exhale slowly. The anger coursing through my body is no good for me or my daughter.
“Do you mind if I do an internal?”
I shake my head. I’ve not been sitting in this gown for nearly an hour to go dancing. “Do whatever you have to do.”
The doctor walks to the door and calls in the midwife. He speaks in whispered tones, and I can’t make out what he’s saying. I don't know if I like all the cloak and dagger stuff; I want to know everything. I lay my head back on the pillow and close my eyes. Maybe if I can imagine myself anywhere other than this room it will come true.
“Okay, Harper, let’s get you down the bed a bit, legs bent at the knees and feet twisted inwards. This will be over in seconds, honey,” the midwife reassures me with a warm smile and tender touch.
Drew never lets go of my hand. I can feel him trembling, but he’s trying so hard to put on a brave face. Why do men do that? Why can’t they just let their emotions out? It doesn’t make them big and hard standing like an iron maiden.
“Ready?” the doctor asks, and I nod.
You leave your dignity at the door when you come into a labour and delivery room. If I was shy before this pregnancy, then I’m not anymore. The things women must go through because we’re female is unreal at times.
“Okay. All done. Well done.”
“What did it show?” asks Drew quickly before I can even draw breath.
