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Rising from the floor, I pull her into my arms despite the chance that she’ll push me away. Because I can’t stand the sight of her pain. Tucking her head beneath my chin, I hold her close as she sobs.
“Why are you crying?” I’m at a complete loss. But it feels like a knife has been wedged between my ribs, and it twists with every heart-wrenching sob.
Was it something I said? Was spilling my heart for her on my knees not enough? I don’t know how else to fix this, and I can’t stand the thought that I won’t be able to.
Dread trickles into my stomach as I wonder if this could be the last time I’ll get to hold Alina. My arms tighten instinctually, bringing her more firmly against me.
She shakes her head, burying her face in my chest as she clings to me. Then, slowly, her tears start to subside. Her breathing settles as she forces air in and out of her lungs. And when she looks up at me, her cheeks are stained with tears, leaving lines in the makeup she put on to hide the faint bruise marring her beautiful face.
Tentatively, I cup her cheek and brush the moisture away with my thumb.
Alina sniffles and releases me, stepping back and wiping at the rivulets impatiently. It takes all my strength to let her go. I hate to see her cry, and knowing it’s because of me makes her tears all the more agonizing.
“Please don’t tell me it’s over,” I rasp, an iron vise around my chest.
She shakes her head again, and the relief that washes through me is so intense it almost hurts.
“Then, why are you crying?”
“Because I have something to tell you, and I don’t know that you’ll still believe all those wonderful things you just said to me once you know the truth.”
Furrowing my brow, I brace myself. Nothing could possibly change my mind about Alina. But whatever it is must be pretty bad if she’s this worked up about it. “Tell me what?” I ask, using considerable effort to keep my voice steady.
Alina inhales deeply, then slowly releases it, taking a fortifying breath that makes my pulse quicken. A deep rose colors her cheeks as she bravely meets my eyes. The oxygen vanishes from the room as I wait for her to bring down this invisible hammer.
“Mishka, you’re going to be a father.”
It’s barely more than a whisper, and as soon as the words leave her mouth, a fat tear rolls down her cheek.
At first, the words don’t compute, and I stand stunned, staring at her. “What?”
Alina licks her lips nervously. “I’m pregnant.”
23
ALINA
I’ve never seen Mishka so shocked. He looks rocked to his core.
His back stiffens as soon as the words leave my mouth, his whole body tensing like a deer caught in the headlights. And for a heartbreaking moment, I’m confident he’s going to make a run for it—literally sprint from the apartment and leave me standing here. Alone.
His deep-blue eyes hide a storm of emotion that makes my tears come harder once more. The deep furrow in his brow tells me I’m not going to like what he’s thinking. But I can’t wait any longer. I think I might explode.
“For God’s sake, say something, Mishka. Please,” I whisper, my heart in my throat and my nerves so tightly wound, I feel like they might just snap.
I’m glad we started by resolving my trust issues around my family, because I don’t know how to take Mishka’s reaction to learning he’s going to be a father. I’m starting to worry that he really might choose to walk away, that having a child together is a deal-breaker—despite everything he just said.
My heart breaks into a sprint, my hands growing clammy as I think about it as a reality. I will raise this child with or without him, but I hadn’t realized until now just how desperately I was relying on the idea that he would be around to steady me when things got hard, that we would be in this together, a team—a partnership. The thought of doing it alone terrifies me.
Then Mishka’s arms are around me once more, pulling me close. One hand cradles the back of my head as he kisses me passionately. The heat of his embrace sears through my flesh, warming me from the inside and positively melting me. I’m overwhelmed by him, consumed by the ferocity with which he claims my lips.
And when he finally breaks the kiss, I’m left breathless and panting as he presses his forehead to mine.
“Does that mean you’re happy?” I ask, hope bringing a knot to my throat.
His deep chuckle sends a thrill through my body, and my heart skips a beat.
“I’m beyond happy, Alina,” he says, drawing back to look into my eyes. A radiant smile softens his strong features. Then his face falls, and a deep concern replaces his momentary joy as he seems to realize something. “But are you happy? I didn’t think… I mean…” He swallows hard, his hands tensing convulsively as he searches my face. “You started crying when you had to tell me. Does that mean you don’t want to keep it?”
