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“I can’t just turf you out of your seat!” I protested, but Cass was already scooting her chair back and Felicia had sat down on her lap.
“Problem solved,” she said, wrapping one arm around Cass’s neck and gesturing with her other hand for me to sit down. I did, and my lower back groaned with relief.
“You doing karaoke?” Cass said, nodding towards the teachers. I followed her gaze and saw that the Squad had filled the little gap I’d left behind as if I’d never been there. It would have stung if I hadn’t been busy processing her question.
“Yes, but not with them.” I nodded towards the squad too. “I’m doing it with Petra.”
“Brilliant!” Felicia clapped her hands together delightedly. “I love it when you sing together. You don’t do it as much as you used to. Why not?”
I didn’t have an answer to her blunt question, but I was saved from replying by the Squad all getting to their feet and making their way to the stage. There were too many people in the way for me to see any of them except the one who was on the end of the row. Nonetheless, when they began to sing I immediately heard Petra’s voice, and eventually stood up to see her better.
There were four microphones, but they’d clearly agreed to give Petra one to herself, the others having one between two. I noticed that there was only seven of them when before there had been eight, and then I spotted Donna sitting in the booth where I had sat, clearly guarding their stuff. My glass of wine was in front of her – I’d forgotten to bring it with me, but I wasn’t that bothered.
The lyrics were simple and everyone knew them, so by the final chorus everyone was singing along, some even jumping up and down. In the live version, Eulalia had added some (what I believed were) improvised belts over the top of the main lyrics. Petra sung these, accompanying each one with a gleeful punch to the air like Eulalia had done in her farewell concert, and in the outro she and the teachers congratulated each other with a group hug.
Not many people would be able to do that with their boss. That was one of the many things that made Petra so good at her job, and such an all-around fabulous person. My heart ached with pride, and a tiny part of me missed her somehow.
They sat back down, not seeming to notice I wasn’t there, and I glanced to my right. Felicia had Cass wrapped in the tightest hug I’d ever have thought possible, and a tear was running down the latter’s cheek, although she was smiling.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is supposed to be a happy song!” I nudged Cass to show I was joking as I sat down myself.
“I know. I am happy. Eulalia’s songs just get me a little… choked up,” Cass replied, and Felicia loosened her grip. “I’m just going to the bathroom – shift yourself a second, Fee.”
As she got up, I noticed Felicia raise her eyebrows at her, and Cass give a tiny shake of the head in response. But before I could say anything, I saw Petra get up again and disappear towards the stage. A couple of seconds later, Veronica’s voice – laced with poison, as always – called out over the microphone. “Is Jean Taylor anywhere here? Petra’s friend? If so, can she come up to the stage please?”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Freddie Elliot agreed to swap,” Petra said, a beam adorning her face. “I’m on such a high from that last number, I thought we might as well get ours out of the way too.”
Out of the way, she said. As if our duet was a chore, when she’d been the one to ask for it. But I didn’t say anything – we were in public, after all – and took my position on the stage to her right. I still had no idea what song we were singing, but as the guitar began to play from the machine, I instantly recognised it as Shallow, and had a few bars to prepare and shift into character as Jack Maine from A Star Is Born. For a brief moment, I regretted not having a proper drink to loosen up, but then I glanced at Petra – waiting with a small smile on her face – and squared my shoulders.
I was lucky in that I only had seven lines to sing solo in the whole song. Petra had far more: a verse of seven lines, half of the chorus (the other half with me), a bridge and then another half a chorus before I came back in. While I sung my bit, I forced myself not to look at her, instead focusing on the back wall, where I presumed Cass and Felicia were. I finished my verse solemnly, and took a step back, as I positively felt the audience’s focus shift to Petra.
Her voice was as crystal clear as ever, although it had a throaty element to it that made me think she was tearing up. She turned to me as she delivered her first line, as if she really were Ally Campana singing to her soon-to-be love interest, Jack. The word ‘boy’, used to address me, hit me like a punch to the gut. I felt my heart begin to race and my palms begin to sweat, but with a Herculean effort I forced myself to focus on her.
Then she turned to me again – just a brief glance, but she caught my eye. And I did see tears in hers. It made the last line of the verse hit hard – was she trying to tell me something? Ask me something? But I had no time to think about it in that moment as she was moving straight into the chorus, her voice chill-worthy although slightly more restrained than it would be later. The first four lines disappeared in barely more than a blink and then it was my cue to re-enter, both of us slipping back into our harmonies as if we’d only rehearsed it this afternoon.
The bridge was Petra’s favourite part as it allowed her to really go to town on her vocal runs, stepping on each note firmly and making her years of training and experience evident. I couldn’t really see the audience as we were under a spotlight and the pub was dark, but in the brief pauses between runs, they didn’t make a sound. Too enthralled, like me. As she belted out the final chorus, I had a mental image of her voice cutting through the air like the subtle knife in His Dark Materials, opening up a window. Through this window, I could see Petra’s vulnerability. How tightly she was gripping on. How close to the edge this whole headteacher business was sending her.
I almost missed my cue to re-enter. But even though I clawed it back, standing right next to her, slipping an arm around her waist and doing my best impression of a loved-up wife, I was acting on autopilot while my heart thudded in my chest. As we finished, Petra gave me a smooch on the cheek and we smiled at the whooping, hollering crowd. Then I felt her rip away from me as she took a bow, forcing me to take one too, and the applause turned to thunder.
We walked off the stage together, handing our microphones to Veronica, and Petra’s hand found mine as we picked our way through the crowd once again. To my surprise, she led us to the door, fanning her face with her free hand on the way past the school squad to indicate we were getting some air. It wasn’t a bad shout – the cool sea breeze sliced through my menopause- and anxiety-induced internal heatwave and I instantly felt a bit calmer.
My heart still thudded, though. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her senseless, chase away that haunting helplessness I’d seen in her eyes during the performance. But now she was staring at me, with (for once) an unidentifiable expression. And my mind clicked. Had she picked that song… just to call me ‘boy’? To test it out, so I could see how it felt? To acknowledge the gender-based battle raging in my head? In the film, after all, the two characters were essentially asking each other whether they were happy being themselves. That was the premise of the song. Now my thudding heart filled with relief. She saw me. She saw my anguish. Without even telling her, she’d picked up on it.
Then she blinked, and smiled at me.
“Wasn’t that mightily satisfying?”
I blinked too. “Huh?”
“They were eating out of the palms of our hands. God, I love that song. The harmonies are so juicy, and for the female singer it really shows off her belting ability. They loved it. I loved it.”
“Me too,” I said after a pause, although my mouth had gone dry.
Petra took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly. “Right, I feel a bit cooler now. You coming in?”
“In a minute,” I heard myself say. Then she was gone.
