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“I always hated this place,” she speaks, and Elena’s eyes dart to her in the mirror. We say nothing, instead listening to her ramble.
“It was never home, not to me. It was a prison.”
“So where was home, Sondra?” I ask, peering over to look at her. She laughs and shakes her head.
“Not here, wasn’t there either. The closest to home I ever got was my shitty apartment next to Marco. Every other place was a prison, just a little shinier than the last.” she murmurs, looking out at the fields. Elena stops the car halfway up the driveway. She swivels in her seat, looking back at Sondra, and I can tell she is barely holding it together.
“So, where do you wanna go?” Elena asks her and Sondra smiles sadly.
“Home, but it doesn’t exist any more, not for me.” Sondra says.
“We made this place a home. The women here love you like family,” Elena tells her, and Sondra nods.
“Home is where your heart belongs, a piece of mine is here, but it's not my home. Those women are a pack, family. But home to me isn’t a place. It’s a someone. Someone I could never have.”
“Marco?” Elena asks her, and she sniffles and nods. Elena looks at me, and I nod, letting her know Marco is on his way.
Elena keeps driving until Sondra tells her to stop. Women have gathered outside the packhouse. We sit in the car for a second when Sondra points to the old willow tree on the hill.
“That looks like a nice place to croak, I can see the shit hole for what is up there. What do you say muscles think you can carry me up that hill?” she asks me.
“Depends if I can touch you?” I ask her.
She slaps my arm. “How would you carry me, if you can’t touch me?” she scoffs, and I open my door and climb out of the car.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Moving to the rear of the car, the women crowd around, and I hear Elena trying to regather herself. Trying to slip a facade she has worn for too long back on. Clearing her throat, she moves to take one of the blankets her mother rushes out with.
Opening the rear door, Sondra grabs her vodka bottle, and I pick her up moving to the front of the car. Only when I do, Elena’s entire pack is on their knees, baring their necks to Sondra. Sondra smiles and then shivers, Elena moves to wrap the blanket around her, and I start climbing the hill.
However, when we reach the top, Sondra speaks. “I was wrong about you,” she tells me, making me glance down at her.
“Now I know you’re dying, you just admitted you're wrong about something,” I tell her and she chuckles softly. I sit on the ground and I prop Sondra between my legs so she can lean against me. Elena sitting beside me.
“You’re nothing like your father, I used to think you would be just like him, having grown up in his image, but now I see you were just another of his victims.” Sondra tells me, and I swallow.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t save her; I couldn’t save any of them. If only I had the courage to do what I did to Floyd back then, we may be having a different conversation. Maybe none at all.” She muses.
“You couldn’t have predicted the outcome of being with your mate, Sondra,” Elena whispers.
“You’re right, but I could have stopped it before he took more lives. I had plenty of opportunities. I just didn’t take them. Same as your fathers, I could have ended them, but I didn’t. Instead I convinced myself I would be the same as them if I did. Instead, I was the same because I sat back and did nothing.” she sighs. Elena shakes her head but Sondra reaches out and grips her hand.
“But you two are different. You’re both who you are in spite of your father’s. Defeated them, conquered the trauma instead of passing it down to the next generation.”
Elena laughs. “That is yet to be seen,” she chuckles.
“No, I’ve seen it,” Sondra tells her, and Elena looks at her.
“You left despite loving him because he was toxic. You didn’t use your boys as an excuse to stay. You used them as your excuse to leave. So I know you will do the right thing by them if you're willing to break your own heart for them.” Sondra tells her.
Sondra looks over her shoulder at me. “I mean no offense by that. I’m not just referencing you, but her father. She could have gone back and asked for forgiveness, but she didn’t.”
“Yes, you did, but it’s okay,” I chuckle.
“Yeah, I did. But it’s the same for you, son. You overrode your ego and are trying to make up for your mistakes. That is more than your father ever cared to do. No, he would just beat her down until there was nothing left but a compliant shell of a woman. Therefore you are not the same, Elena is not beneath you, she is your equal. That is people’s biggest mistake in life, heart, and ego. Sometimes, they follow their heart and stay not realizing they’re giving them the power to keep breaking it. In turn they raise their children broken. Other’s can’t see past their ego to know their flaws so they can’t work on fixing them. Neither of you are those people, neither of you are your fathers,”
“My childhood was good, Sondra,” Elena tells her. “It was only when I grew older did dad turn into that.” Elena sighs.
