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“But not for your mother, do you think she would hold the same answers, dear? She put all her time and energy into you kids hoping you didn’t make the same mistakes, hoping he would be the man he said he was. It was only until he didn’t keep his end of the deal that she realized she was lying to herself. Just like me with Floyd,” Sondra tells her. She lifts the bottle to her lips.
“Gosh, who would have thought you were so depressing drunk, give me that.” Elena tells her, taking the bottle and swigging from it, Elena chokes coughing and spluttering.
“Geez what is that, jet fuel?”
“Almost, I once fired my tractor up with this shit,” Sondra tells her, taking the bottle back.
“You two promise me you won’t ever sacrifice life for love,” Sondra says. Elena’s brows furrow and so do mine.
“It sounds funny now, but that is what I did. I sacrificed life for love that wasn't really love, just some twisted version of what I perceived as love. You two will be different, because both of you want the best for each other.”
“It wasn’t until I was old that I suddenly found myself comfortable in my own misery. It took me killing Floyd to realize I hated the person I also loved—years of living a step behind him, becoming and morphing into his shadow while mine faded away. So caught up in everything to do with him that I forgot what I wanted. Forgot who I am and who I truly loved.” Sondra sighs.
“Instead, I became what he wanted me to be, just like your mothers did for your fathers. They sacrificed themselves until nothing was left, and now yours is trying to rebuild her life, just as I had to. And yours, Axton, is dead because it took me too long to realize I could have stopped it.”
Elena drops her chin on her knees, watching the sunset. Sondra lifts her hand, brushing it down her hair before her hand falls limply to my leg and she clears her throat.
“I’m not saying this to hurt you, either of you, I’m trying to explain. I’m not saying your mother was wrong, Elena, she did what she thought was right at the time, just as I did, but it was because I was blinded by the mate bond, as she was. You become comfortably familiar in it. You spend so long with someone you eventually lose yourself within them. They slowly break the pieces off that you thought you could live without. Just like me, your mother lost herself, and it took her leaving to find herself again.”
“We aren’t the same,” I tell Sondra and she nods.
“Resentment and sacrifice are the two things that anchor us, pull us down and slowly drown us. Resentment that he didn't see how much he was breaking me. Sacrifice that I allowed him to do it, sacrificing my own happiness allowing him to decide when I received it because my ego got in the way to notice my own toxic traits. I convinced myself that love was holding me here, but it wasn’t, it was fear of losing everything that I sacrificed for, in the end what I thought I was gaining was nothing, instead I lost everything.”
Hearing a car I glance over my shoulder to see headlights as Marco races to the packhouse. “You two are different, I know because I have seen it, you work well together, but fight for each other even when fighting against each other. Floyd never fought for me, it was always one sided.” I tug the blankets higher, noticing the goosebumps lacing her skin.
“Floyd would have let me burn in the flames if it meant saving his own skin,” she looks overhear shoulder at me and inclines her head. “But he’d walk through them and burn with you while trying to save you, rather than leave you behind.” Sondra tells her.
“Like Marco?” I ask her and she nods.
“He tried to save me so many times, unfortunately I was too stubborn to realize. I thought he was on his brother's side, not realizing the only reason he stuck around was because I was with his brother.” she sighs, sipping from her drink before coughing, blood spills from her lips. And Elena rubs her back.
Chapter Sixty
Elena
Hearing a car door, Axton glances over his shoulder and so do I, only to see Marco climb out of his car, looking rather disheveled. “Marco will be here soon, he’s on his way.” I tell Sondra, but she shakes her head.
“He doesn’t need to watch me die, the woman he fell in love with died when she married Floyd. He needs to hang on to her, not this withered, broken body that has suffered too much and lived longer than it deserved.” Sondra murmurs between sucking in deep breaths. If only she knew how wrong she was, she deserved so much more than the hand she was dealt. Everyone makes mistakes, learning from them is redemption, and she learned from her the same as I learned from mine.
“How about you let me decide which version of you I love because last I checked there wasn’t a version I didn’t,” Marco says, suddenly appearing next to me. Sondra looks up at him and so do I. He nods for me to move, and I take that as my cue to get up, allowing him to take my place, and he takes Sondra from Axton, setting her between his legs.
“You shouldn’t be here, I don’t want you to see me like this,” she snaps at him.
“Shush. Fine, I am not here for you, I am here for me, to see a stubborn old brat off.” he tells her while wrapping his arms around her tiny frail body. Sondra sighs, leaning back against him.
Getting up, I move toward Axton, and we both move to leave to give them some privacy.
“Where are you going?” Sondra asks and I look at Marco who pats the ground beside him.
“Can’t leave me here with this leech, what if he drains me dry?” Sondra snips at me and I chuckle.
“Your blood is so old it’s like powdered milk running through those veins, I wouldn’t want to catch wrinkles,” Marco tells her as I sit between Axton’s legs.
Sondra laughs and Marco kisses her temple before propping his chin on top of her head. We sit in silence for what feels like forever, listening to her breathe, each breath she takes, there is a longer pause between, that leaves me holding mine.
I can see my pack sitting and standing along the porch waiting, watching in silence.
“It should have been us,” Sondra rasps.
