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Without waiting to see what they would do, I opened the door she hadn’t bothered locking and followed the sound of her cries. She was curled up on the kitchen floor, as far away from the front door as she could possibly get. I sat down next to her and pulled her into my lap. All the fight had gone out of her and when I wrapped my arms around her, she clung to me.
She was taking in heaving breaths but still, it was as though there wasn’t enough oxygen in the room to calm her. Her body trembled in my arms and I could feel she was panicking.
I took slow, even breaths, letting her chest rise and fall with mine. “Breathe for me, Vi. In and out. Just like that.”
She turned to get even closer to me and it seemed like nothing was enough until she was straddling me and I was wrapped so tightly around her she couldn’t move. Then, she spoke in a quiet voice. “I’m scared.”
“What are you scared of?”
She shivered and her teeth even chattered. “I’ve already lost you guys once. It was horrible but I didn’t know you then like I know you now. This month was a snapshot of what it would be like and I’m not strong enough. I can’t do it. I wasn’t even mentally here enough to talk to Forrest and make him understand it wasn’t my fault. I was lost.”
“Violet, I’ll never go on another assignment overseas. I won’t even take one in the states if it’s going to be longer than a day. Seeing you hurting… I don’t ever want to chance being the reason for your pain again. I’m so fucking sorry we did this job. We didn’t know it was going to be what it ended up being. I won’t take that chance again. I’m sorry, Vi. All I wanted when we got back stateside, was to see you and Forrest. I wanted to make sure you’d been okay without us. Knowing that you weren’t… It’s never going to happen again.”
She looked up at me with her eyes wide and tears brimming. “I thought you were dead. I tried talking to Angel and I even called your office. I just wanted to know if you were okay. I was terrified. You didn’t say goodbye before you left and if something happened to you… No one would tell me anything. I’d spend the rest of my life waiting on you to come home. I’ve already spent the last seven years waiting to find you guys again. There’s no one else for me. That’s scary. I don’t want to fight. I love you and I’m afraid even if you think right now, you’ll never leave on a job, you could change your mind in the future.”
I sucked in a sharp breath and caught her cheek in my hand. “What did you say?”
“I said a lot of stuff.”
“You said you love me.”
She shrugged. “So?”
“If you think you’re getting rid of me after telling me you love me, you’re wrong. I’ve never been loved by the woman I desperately want to love me. I’m not giving it up because I fucking love you, Vi.”
She pressed her face against my neck and I could feel her smiling. That smile faded fast, though. “Forrest hates me.”
She couldn’t see what I could. Just outside of her front door, Justin and Ben were sitting with Forrest and there were some stern, fatherly looks happening. I was glad they were talking to him because I wanted to shake some sense into him for treating his mother like he had.
“No, he doesn’t. The way you two normally communicate, is amazing. You’re the best mom I’ve ever known and you’ve done it alone for his entire life. This seems like the first big upset he’s been through and he had a lot of anger with no direction for it. Unfortunately, it looks like he’s going to take after his fathers with that.” I stroked the hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. “He knew he could take his anger out on you and you weren’t going anywhere. That won’t be something we let happen, though. You’re his mother. We’re not taking him from you.”
“But he wants—”
“You’re a package deal. I love you, Violet. I want to love you in our home and spend every night with you. I’m not going home without you.” I leaned back so I could look her in the eye and let her know how serious I was. “You’re scared. I get that. I’m scared, too. I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never been a father before. There’s always the chance you grow tired of us. Or that Forrest realizes we’re nothing compared to you.”
“He loves you guys so much. He—” She blinked up at me with those green eyes rimmed in red. “You love me.”
“Did you not hear me earlier? I love you. I think I loved you the moment I saw you all those years ago.” I cupped her cheeks in my hands. “You’re ours. More than that, though, we’re yours.”
“It didn’t… I’m just… I heard you but it didn’t register. You love me.” She chewed on her lip and studied my face. “And I love you.”
I nodded. “So, can you see how silly it would be, not to be together?”
Her lip trembled and she clenched my shirt in her hands. “What if you resent me for needing you to give up this part of your life? What if you end up hating me?”
“Vi, I’ve been going out on assignments for too long. I’ve been saving people and bringing them home to their loved ones with nothing to come home to myself. I’m sure there are people who would call me selfish but I’d give this career up a million times over for a chance with you.” I stroked her cheeks and ran my hands down her shoulders and arms until I could unclench her fingers from my shirt and hold them. “I’m sorry about this last job. We still have work to do in restructuring the company so we aren’t necessary. Until we get it perfect, we’ll push the big cases through to friends who can handle them.”
“So, it won’t be perfect?”
I frowned and shook my head. “I’ll be honest with you, even though all I want to do is tell you exactly what you need to hear to get you home with us. It won’t be perfect at first. I can promise you we won’t get sucked into another case like this one, but there might be a job or two that does require an overnight or even two. We built the company around ourselves and it’ll take some time to fix that. You can come with us, though. To the office, not on trips. You’re not getting anywhere near any kind of possible danger. And by that I mean you’re not even allowed near a vehicle without a top safety rating.”
She took a deep breath and when she met my gaze, she was smiling. “That answer is much better than an empty promise it’ll all be perfect.”
I released the own breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. “You’ll come home with us?”
She lifted a single shoulder. “I don’t know if that’s what’s best for Forrest right now. He deserves time with just his dads.”
“Violet…”
