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“I know, Ethan. But you need it. The medicine helps you.”
The boy nods.
I hate witnessing this.
But I try to never let my personal emotions reveal themselves to my patients. I always try to retain my doctorly professionalism within the walls of a hospital.
Ethan looks just like a perfect blend of both his parents, Nate and Vicky. His brown eyes stay fixated on me from behind an unruly mane of the same-brown hair. His cheeks are always red, even despite his illness. I can imagine him, before all of this, as an incredibly lively boy – always playing outside with energy and enthusiasm. It’s hard to see him stuck in this bed.
“Have you been watching much TV?” I ask, changing the subject away from his problems. “I did tell the nurses to sneak one in for you to watch in bed, even though it breaks about a thousand rules they’ve got here at the hospital.”
“Yep. I did watch TV.”
“And there were the superhero movies you like on there?”
“Yep.”
“I’m a big fan of those movies,” I remark. “Although I’m not a fan of the fighting, there’s too much violence for my liking. I’m a bit of a scaredy-cat when it comes to all that, but don’t tell any of the nurses that or they will laugh at me to death.”
“I won’t tell anyone you’re a big wuss,” Ethan promises with a wink. “I like the fighting most of all.”
I ruffle Ethan’s hair and give him a big grin.
“There’s that brave soldier again! Of course you like the fighting. You’re a fighter, Ethan.”
“You’re a funny doctor, Mr. Penmayne.”
“Please, call me August. Only my mother calls me Mr. Penmayne, and that’s only when I’m in deep trouble. You don’t want to be my mother, do you?”
The boy giggles.
“No, I don’t want to be your mom!”
I stand up.
“I think your parents are waiting for me, Ethan. I’ll chat to them for a little while, and then they can come in and see you. How does that sound?”
“Is it about something bad?” he asks, his voice quiet. I’ve come to understand in my career as a pediatrician that children always understand when something might be wrong. They might not knowwhatit is exactly, but you can’t hide the feeling that something is bad from them for too long- they always have a way of figuring things out for themselves. Kids are a hell of a lot smarter than us adults sometimes like to think.
And I have also come to understand that you can’t lie to kids. Ineverlie to the kids under my care.
“I just need to talk to them, okay? You’ll see them very soon, I promise.”
“Okay,August.”
“Yes, that’s better. Keep calling me August, my superhero soldier.”
I leave the room and my heart immediately sinks.
Something is very wrong with Ethan Parker. Something I don’t think I can fix.
His parents are waiting for me outside my office, just a few doors down from Ethan’s room. They look at me with stony faces. I nod at them and invite them inside my office.
I take a seat behind my desk, Nate and Vicky Parker taking their seats opposite. My diploma hangs behind them on the wall. I divert my eyes to the photos of my Penmayne family on my desk. I’ve done a lot to get to be in this room right now. My life has been meticulously geared to be a pediatrician for as long as I can remember - all those nights studying textbooks, all those years at accelerated medical school, all the hours I’ve put in. The non-existent social life.
Leaving Emma. That horrible day: the worst day of my life...
“Thank you for coming in so late,” I say to Ethan’s parents, very much aware that I am about to crush their world.
