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“I think Caden has someone special at college,” my friend Brianna said, and the guys around me started acting a fool and asking me if I had a girlfriend. No one knew about Gavin and me besides the two of us and Gavin’s dad, who I knew would take it to his grave. Brianna, Rob, Taylor, and Neveah were the only people I’d kept in contact with after I left. I’d had lots of so-called friends at home, just like I had in college, but the four of them were the only ones I actually trusted. They were the only ones I’d been able to count on back in high school, but even them, I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure I could trust them that far.
“He never posts anything on Insta anymore,” Rob said, “Just boring pics of scenery sometimes, and maybe a little hockey. Is your life that boring, Caden?”
Maybe four months before that the answer would have been yes. Because even though everyone clambered to hang out with me, and I was invited to all the best parties, even though I had hockey and alcohol and people around me all the time, I hadn’t been happy. It was all fake, all part of that box. I knew who my real friends were, and they were few and far between. The parties didn’t matter, the fake people didn’t matter, even hockey didn’t matter as much as I pretended it did. But I’d found what I’d been missing all along, and things did matter again. He mattered. He made everything matter. And I wished I could tell them that, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
I didn’t know how my old friends would react if I told them the truth. I knew everyone around there went to those little churches that would have banned Jamie before he could set foot inside one. I knew plenty of people in town who gay-bashed, who would have called my boyfriend names that would have gotten their teeth knocked out by my fist. But the four in the restaurant with me, they’d never said anything like that. They’d never acted like those other people. And Brianna had even asked back then why I didn’t talk to Gavin anymore and told me she was there if I ever needed to talk when I wouldn’t give her an answer.
I didn’t think they really suspected, though. Certainly not the guys who were going through my few social media pictures and pointing out photos with girls in them, mostly Caitlin and Amber, as they asked if it was her, or her. Brianna’s eyes lingered on a photo of the whole group of us getting ready to go into the water park, one that an employee had taken. I couldn’t tell who she was looking at, though. She told the guys to knock it off and leave me alone when I didn’t reply to them.
“Well?” Taylor said, “Is your life that boring then, Caden?”
I couldn’t flat-out lie. I just couldn’t. “No comment,” I said with a smirk.
“Ooh he does have someone!” Rob cried. Despite their heckling, I refused to say another word about it.
I made it back to campus early, and so did he. We practically jumped into my bed the second we got back. It felt more like an eternity than a week and a half. Luckily, we had most of the building to ourselves because there was nothing quiet about our reunion. We couldn’t have kept that one quiet if we tried.
???
The first few weeks after Christmas break went smoothly. I didn’t miss any games or practices, and our winning streak was holding. Brad and I got into it occasionally, but he seemed to have let go of the whole Jamie subject for the time being. I was happy in general, spending most of my free time with Jamie in some way, whether alone or with our friends. There was a feeling in my heart…that I wasn’t quite ready to put into words.
There was an oil spill off the coast in mid-January. It was bad, all over the news, and there were a lot of injured sea birds and marine animals ending up on the beach. We were the closest university with Veterinary and Marine Biology majors, and the state asked our school for help. There were already rescue crews down there, but the problem was overwhelming. They asked for students with knowledge of marine mammals to volunteer and asked for volunteers from the general public to help with the animals who weren’t gravely injured.
Jamie was one of the first to volunteer. And even though I knew it was going to be hard on him not only physically but emotionally as well, I never expected any less from him. If he could help even one, it would be worth it to him. He seemed a little surprised when he found out I’d volunteered to go, too, but I did care. Both about helping, and about him. The ocean was his passion, and if I could do anything to support him, I would.
We were bused down to Southwest Florida the next day. The coach gave me a pass from hockey because the cause was important, and he said the volunteering looked good, anyway. I would miss a few practices and one game, but I’d make it up to them the next one.
As we headed to the site of the spill along with other Veterinary and Biology majors and some students who just wanted to help like me, Jamie had a little awe in his eyes that I didn’t quite understand. It was kind of like that first night I’d met him at the club to ride with him after my game because Weird Wally had been bothering him, except there was something more in his eyes on the bus, something I was having trouble deciphering. He just said, “Thanks for coming with us.”
I smiled at him, but I really wanted to put my arm around him. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” I replied softly, “I want to help, and I know this is important to you, too.” That look remained in his eyes as he gazed at me for another moment, then he looked away without saying anything else.
It was absolute chaos at the site of the spill. There were people rushing around all over, some wearing boots and gloves as they pulled animals out of murky water and passed them off to others who took them to the appropriate volunteers. I’d never seen anything like it. They’d set up a base for the animals that included a cleaning station for the ones covered in oil but still functioning, where volunteers were quickly washing them off before handing them over to people who would care for them further. I was directed over there, and Jamie was immediately pulled over to the tents with water tanks in them that had become a make-shift animal hospital on the beach.
I got way more out of that trip than just supporting Jamie. I was crash-coursed on getting the animals clean and oil free, but I was always a quick learner. I was handed a pelican first. The poor, oil-coated thing looked so sad and defeated that it pulled at my heartstrings. I gently cleaned it until its wings and body were free of oil, then let it stretch and shake its wings out. When it realized the oil was gone, it looked me directly in the eyes, and I would swear it was saying “thank you.” I gave it a little pat, and it was taken to a resting area where it would be fed, rehydrated, then released somewhere safe.
They brought me bird after bird, and I found myself getting upset that humans could be careless enough to destroy our water and all of the innocent, unsuspecting creatures that lived in it. I suddenly saw the appeal of Jamie’s chosen career path. Most people were just recklessly destroying the planet, and biologists were trying to counteract the destruction.
As each bird was taken away from me clean and another brought to me, I felt like I was actually accomplishing something. It felt like I was doing something important, more important than most things I’d accomplished up to that point. It seemed more important than a trophy for winning a game, or the adoration of strangers for scoring a goal. Every once in a while I’d catch a glimpse of Jamie in the tent, working with determination on the animals in the tanks. He moved quickly and efficiently, sometimes instructing others as he worked, fully in save the planet mode. I must have had starry eyes, because he was my hero right then.
There was suddenly a lot of commotion where the water met the sand, and I looked over there to see a group of people dragging a very sick-looking dolphin out of the water. They were calling for help, and from my vantage point I couldn’t tell if the dolphin was still alive. It wasn’t moving much.
The next thing I knew, Jamie and a few other students were running toward the group with the dolphin, carrying a tarp. The whole group of them got the dolphin onto the tarp and they carried it toward the hospital tent. As he passed by, Jamie glanced up at me where I stood cleaning a seagull while it ungratefully tried to bite my fingers. Even though his face was lined with stress and concern, he smiled at me.
When I got a break, I took the bottle of water I was offered and wandered over to the edge of the hospital tent, where Jamie had quite obviously not had a break of his own all day. I didn’t think any of them had. He was in one of the tanks in a wetsuit, standing by the dolphin he’d helped bring in. Someone referred to the dolphin as a she, even though I had no clue how you would tell that. She was just floating there as Jamie rubbed gently near her dorsal fin and spoke to her softly. I watched as he tried to feed her, and she refused to eat. He looked a little heartbroken but went back to stroking her head and talking to her. He was too preoccupied to notice me, but I watched him for the entire break.
I went back to work for a few more hours, and when they told me I could go for the evening, I walked back over to the tent. Jamie was still in the wetsuit, but by then was lying on the platform at the edge of the dolphin’s tank, gently petting her as he spoke too softly for me to hear him. Seeing him right then, watching how gently and lovingly he cared for such a large, wild animal, the one he seemed to have taken full responsibility for, my heart erupted. And suddenly, all those feelings I’d avoided putting into words, the ones I’d ignored without bothering to try to figure out, bubbled up to the surface with the clearest understanding.
I walked over to Jamie. There were people still working in other areas of the hospital, though the group had thinned a little as some must have gone to get a little rest. I took in the other tanks- the turtle tank and shark tank, one with some manatees. There were cages with birds in a condition too poor to be brought to me. They were all being cared for even with a skeleton crew. But Jamie was the only one at the dolphin’s tank. And I wanted desperately to talk to him.
I sat down beside him, and he looked up. There was sadness in his eyes, but he smiled when he saw it was me and said, “Hey.”
“Hey,” I replied quietly.
He looked back at the dolphin and said, “I named her Amphitrite.” I knew that was a goddess of the sea but that was the extent of my knowledge on the name. He sighed. “We don’t think she’s going to make it. We’ve done everything we can to help her, but she’s still refusing to eat or interact. I’m asking her to try. This is…so hard.” I could tell he was struggling not to cry.
“I know,” I said softly, “But you’re doing so much good. I’m so proud of you.” I rubbed his back like he was rubbing Amphitrite’s.
“I’m really glad you’re here,” he whispered, “I don’t know if I could do this without you.”
